Monologues4Kids

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" . . . . The Wolf: I’m Batman.  Tortured superhero, spending my life fighting against truth and injustice and saving the day for all the little people.

Little Red: No, you’re not. You’re the Big Bad Wolf. . . . . Knock it off!  This is my big moment in the show where I get to be all sweet and spunky and the audience falls in love with me.  So get back into character and start being a slimy wolf!

Wolf: (falls to his knees and starts singing or talk singing) “Agony! When you’re trying to be good.  When the one thing you want, is to be understood.”  . . . . . . Are you lost? Are you hurt? Do you need (say name very dramatically) BATMAN to save the day?

Little Red: (Fumes a moment and then decides to give in and throws herself to the stage and grabs The Wolf’s leg. Starts speaking in a Russian spy type accent) “Yes. I am lost in ze woods and I must delivah zees very, very important basket to my grandmama.. . . . " 

"Amy: (entering) Milla.  (Takes a selfie of herself smiling) This is my happy to see you face.  Now let’s get one of us together.    

Milla: Wait!  (holding out phone) Look at this.  It says taking selfies could lead to head lice.

Milla/Amy: (look at each other) Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Amy: But I don’t have head lice.  Do you have head lice?

Milla:  Of course not.  But I guess random strangers might. Like what if you met somebody famous, like an Avenger, and he was all “Let’s take a Selfie”. And you’d have to stop first and say “Do you have lice?” That would be embarrassing.

Amy: I am NOT going to ask an Avenger if he has head lice. . . . . "

" . . . . Jess: Pilgrims?  (They both look at each other and say together) Boring.  The Wild West? (shakes head) Everyone’s doing that one.  Oh what about this?  The Civil War.  You could be the North and I’ll be the South.  (Stand in aggressive pose and speak in a Southern accent) “Git offa my property.”

Mindy: (with attitude) “Rude much?”

Jess: “I said git out or we is gonna have to rumble.”

Mindy: “Bring it on.” (They both high five and giggle) . . . . "

" . . . . Kate: Come on Tessa, you need to let it go. It’s not your fault I beat you. After all, I am descended from a long line of great swimmers. My Grandmother and my Mother are champions.  

Tessa: You beat me once Kate. ONCE. And I’m going to win that race this year. Your championship is not going to last long. 

Olivia: Whoa. Are you sure this is Swim Club and not Fight Club?  

Daisy: Tessa, you can’t swim when your aura is all tangled up like this.  Now repeat the mantra.. . . . . ."

". . . . . Jenn: It’s awful that your Mom is sick. But you’ve always wanted to be in the Nutcracker. And I bet your Mom would love to see you in it. Wouldn’t she?

Darby: Probably.

Jenn: So do the Nutcracker. It will be something you will always remember.

Darby: (smiles a little) When did you become so smart?

Jenn: . . . . Come on. We have to call Miss Kane and pretend you were trapped in an elevator and that’s why you missed class.

Darby: An elevator?

Jenn: Oh and a lady went into labor and you helped deliver the baby.

Darby: What? I don’t know how to deliver a baby.

Jenn: Miss Kane won’t know that. Oh and let’s tell her they named the baby after you. Little Darby.

Darby: Jenn. You have to stop watching those Lifetime movies. . . . . "

" . . . . Ethan: How do you do a Fundraiser? 

Matthew:  I think my Mom goes somewhere to eat and then afterwards people give money to the cause. . . .   Do you know how to cook?

Ethan: We can just throw something in the microwave.

Matthew:  Yea about that.  I'm not really allowed to touch the microwave anymore after the Tator tots incident. (trying to be casual, emphasize tiny)   There was a tiny explosion, maybe a little fire.  

Ethan:  But I don’t have a  microwave.  My Mom is all (high feminine voice) " I started cooking when I was 12. Good food should never be microwaved."

Matthew:  Your parents are weird.. . . . . ."

" . . . . . . Kelly: Do you think she texted the alien brain sucking app to our phones?  Is this the start of the phone apocalypse?

Taylor: I don’t know.  We could just be imagining all this.

Kelly: That’s what people always say in the movies. (Very dramatically)  Before they die!

Taylor: It sounds like Michelle has already had her brain sucked away.  

Kelly: (panicing and grabbing Taylor’s shoulders) I don’t want my brain sucked away. I like my brain.  Taylor what should we do? . . . . . ."

" . . . . . . . Lilly: WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT PIZZA?  I would love to have some more pizza but I don’t have anymore money.  So just go away.

Anna: I’m sorry Lilly.  I’d be happy to lend you some lunch money.

Lilly: (matter of factly)  I couldn’t pay it back.  I usually bring a lunch from home but my Mom hasn’t bought any food for awhile and there wasn’t anything to pack.  I had some money saved so I bought lunch today.  

Anna: (unbelieving) You don’t have any food in your house?  

Lilly: (shrugs)  It’s no big deal.  Mom just forgets sometimes but she’ll buy some soon. It’s okay.

Anna: (shocked)  It is NOT okay.  Lilly, no one just forgets to buy food.  What’s wrong with your Mom? . . . . ."

" . . . Captain: I see.  (Takes a couple of steps and then turn back) The Deadly Dark.  D.D.   (Crouch down and speak like a little kid acting frightened) “Oh I’m so scared.  Look up in the sky, it’s D.D.”

Deadly: Ha ha, very funny.  And I don’t fly.  I creep in out of the darkness to work my evil deeds. (take a few steps CS, in a sneaky stealthy way)

Captain: (take an aggressive swooping step towards CS)  Well I swoop in out of the dark to work my evil deeds.  (Both are up close and glaring at each other)  

Deadly: My name is awesome.  I’m very scary.

Captain: My name is awesome.  I’m even more scary.

Deadly:   Fine.  We’re both scary. . . . "

" . . .Abby: Help me fix this. Do I need to change my password?

Sam:  Definitely. And it’s probably a good idea not to leave your laptop lying around with your tumblr tab open.  Especially after you embarrass your brother on Instagram.  

Abby:  What are you talking about?  I never embarrassed you on Instagram.

Sam: (speaks like Abby in feminine tone of voice, exaggerating so he sounds like a ditzy cheerleader) “Hey everyone! Throw back Thursday to pics of my baby bro wearing a dress at his 3rd birthday party. He wanted to be Barbie.  Isn’t he adorable?”  (opens backpack and pulls out Barbies)  I’ve been given 27 of these this week.  (looks at one and then looks back at Abby) I think my favorite is Wonder Woman Barbie.  By the way if you scroll down you’ll see that you asked Harold over to watch a movie.   

Abby: WHAT? (doorbell rings and Abby looks panicked) . . . . . . ."

" . . . .  . Isabel: (getting angry) Fine. I’m not doing a duet with you. I wanted a change. I can do a duet with you some other time. What difference does it make?

Alice: You told me we would always be dance partners.  

Isabel: I just said that so I wouldn’t hurt your feelings. It was a little white lie.

Alice: I don’t understand. Our duet always does great. We always finish in the Top 5 and we were number 2 at Nationals. 2nd in the Nation!

Isabel: 2nd place isn’t good enough for me. I want to win. . . . . . . . ."

". . . . . Anthony: Now the key to being cool when you ask a girl out is to act like you really don’t care if they say yes. Let’s practice. (Anthony poses like a girl and changes his voice to a high falsetto) Hi Charlie. (give a flirty little wave)

Charlie: Uh . . . . . . hi Anthony?

Anthony: I’m not Anthony.  I’m . . . . . . . . . Anthonia.

Charlie: That’s a dumb name.

Anthony: Just ask me out.

Charlie: Hi Anthonia. So I’m going to the movies on Friday night and if you’re bored and are just sitting home watching some dumb tv show, there might be a seat you could sit on. At the movies. Where I’m at because we cool guys go to the movies.  (At this point Anthony starts hysterically giggling which gets Charlie mad) Thanks Anthony. That really helps. I already got that from Amelia. . . . . . . . "

" . . . . . Lily: Are the walls closing in?  I cain’t breathe. (Starts hyperventilating a little as she drops to her knees and starts clutching her hands).

Pippa: Can’t you give her a shot or something to calm her down.  She’s going all crey crey.

Sam: (shouting) For the last time, I have a doctorate in LITERATURE.  I can’t give her a shot.

Pippa: Touchy.  Sounds like you’re regretting that choice now huh?  And I thought you Brits were all (British accent) stiff upper lip and let’s all have a cup of tea.  You’re embarrassing your country dude. . . . . "

" . . . .Jessica: (angrily) hat are you talking about? Everything does not give you wrinkles. The only thing that gives you wrinkles is when you get old and wrinkly.  

Lucy: (shaking head sadly)  You know anger gives you ----

Jessica: (shakes finger in Lucy’s face as she glares)  Don’t even say it. (Lucy continues smiling happily as Jessica looks around thinking)  Do people really hire you when all you do is talk about world peace?

Lucy: Of course. Everyone wants world peace. Because when nations fight it’s just wrong. And people get all dead and stuff - and that gives you wrinkles too.  And it’s just really messy for the environment.  So some day I plan on being a beacon of light in the quest for world peace.   

Jessica: (suddenly looking up as if someone came into the room) Hi.  We’re both here to apply for a Salesgirl job.  

Lucy: (big smile)  Yes, I am applying for the role of Salesgirl.  I would love to work for you and help bring about World Peace.

Jessica: (quickly) Me too.  I love world peace! . . . . "  

" . . . . . . Jack:   You can’t just disappear for hours.  I had no idea where you were.  

Daniel: So?

Jack: I’m in charge when Dad is gone.  You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts.  I’ve been freaking out.

Daniel: I’m old enough to take care of myself.  

Jack: WHERE WERE YOU?

Daniel: Are you deaf?  I WAS OUT. . . . . . . . .

Daniel: (angrily) Because I’m sick and tired of being teased all the time about my cheap sneakers and hand me down clothes.  I told everyone I was getting a pair of True Flight sneakers after getting ragged nonstop today for the piece of crap shoes I’m wearing.  For once in my life, I want a pair of great sneakers.

Jack: (quietly) I see. I’m sorry Daniel, I just don’t have $70.00.  There’s hardly any grocery money left.  Dad didn’t leave much money this time. . . . . . . ."

"Sophie:   Hi Jack.  Lots of homework huh?  Speaking of homework, I was thinking, maybe we should spend more time doing it. (hears what she just said and quickly corrects herself)  Homework that is. DOING HOMEWORK. We should probably just stop dating for awhile. So we can do MORE homework.  Because grades are important. (pause and take a deep breath) Okay, that sounds good. That’s what I’ll say. I’m breaking up with you Jack because of homework.  

" . . . . . .Blake: (standing up again) Sofia, what is going on?  Are you really breaking up with me over an imaginary  whistle?

Sofia: I think I am.  

Blake: This is ridiculous.  I didn’t even whistle.

Sofia: But you would have.  I’m sorry Blake, I can’t be with you anymore.

Blake: (sarcastically)  Great.  Let’s break up over an imaginary whistle at my imaginary construction job.  That makes so much sense.  (Yelling)  What is your problem? Do you need to eat a piece of chocolate?

Sofia: (slowly backing away a few steps)  I don’t know you.  I don’t think I ever knew you.  Goodbye Blake. (exits). . . . . . . . . . "

" . . . . . Oliver: Right. Of course. But Madison isn’t like other girls.  She’s not really into the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. She just wants to have a good time.

Sophie: (confused) What?  hat are you saying?  

Oliver: The guys told me that Madison is willing to (emphasize the word help) help guys out.  

Sophie: Help them out? You aren’t making any sense.

Oliver: You know . . . . that thing we talked about last night.

Sophie: But I thought that was okay.  I’m just not ready. You said it was okay. You said it didn’t matter. . . . . . "

" . . . . .Harry:  I’m pretty sure Finn doesn’t want to see my room. Fine.  Okay Mom. Bonding time it is. (looks at Finn and then gestures at area they are standing in) Well, here it is. My room.  It’s not much.  Those posters are pretty old. I used to be really into the Lord of the Rings. Are you a fan?

Finn: (not looking up) No.

Harry: Oh.  Okay.  So I guess our families are going camping this weekend. I love camping. I’m really into the outdoors and nature and things like that. (embarrassed laugh)  Probably one reason I liked the Lord of the Rings so much. (dreamy eyed) There’s nothing like the quietness when you wake up and everything is so still.  You can almost feel the ------

Finn: (holding up one hand and interrupting) Please stop. I don’t care.

Harry: Excuse me?

Finn: I don’t care.  I don’t care about camping or how much you like it or how the stillness speaks to your nature loving heart. Look, I don’t want to be here.  You don’t want to be here. I have a phone. You have a phone.  Let’s just get on our phones until this whole (sarcastically) bonding time is over and then we can go our separate ways. . . . . . . "

" . . . . Amy: (entering) Milla.  (Takes a selfie of herself smiling) This is my happy to see you face.  Now let’s get one of us together.    

Milla: Wait!  (holding out phone) Look at this.  It says taking selfies could lead to head lice.

Milla/Amy: (look at each other) Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Amy: But I don’t have head lice.  Do you have head lice?

Milla:  Of course not.  But I guess random strangers might. Like what if you met somebody famous, like an Avenger, and he was all “Let’s take a Selfie”. And you’d have to stop first and say “Do you have lice?” That would be embarrassing.

Amy: I am NOT going to ask an Avenger if he has head lice. . . . . "

" . . . . . By the way, Miss Muffet is still really upset that you broke her tuffet.  Did you see her twitter status this morning?

" . . . . The Wolf: I’m Batman.  Tortured superhero, spending my life fighting against truth and injustice and saving the day for all the little people.

Little Red: No, you’re not. You’re the Big Bad Wolf. . . . . Knock it off!  This is my big moment in the show where I get to be all sweet and spunky and the audience falls in love with me.  So get back into character and start being a slimy wolf!

Wolf: (falls to his knees and starts singing or talk singing) “Agony! When you’re trying to be good.  When the one thing you want, is to be understood.”  . . . . . . Are you lost? Are you hurt? Do you need (say name very dramatically) BATMAN to save the day?

Little Red: (Fumes a moment and then decides to give in and throws herself to the stage and grabs The Wolf’s leg. Starts speaking in a Russian spy type accent) “Yes. I am lost in ze woods and I must delivah zees very, very important basket to my grandmama.. . . . "

" . . . . Ethan: How do you do a Fundraiser? 

Matthew:  I think my Mom goes somewhere to eat and then afterwards people give money to the cause. . . .   Do you know how to cook?

Ethan: We can just throw something in the microwave.

Matthew:  Yea about that.  I'm not really allowed to touch the microwave anymore after the Tator tots incident. (trying to be casual)   There was a tiny explosion, maybe a little fire.  

Ethan:  But I don’t have a  microwave.  My Mom says (feminine voice) " I started cooking when I was 12. Good food should never be microwaved."

Matthew:  Your parents are weird.. . . . . ."

" . . . Luke: . .  I’ll be my friends, Ike and Jared.  First I’ll be Ike. (relaxes body, gets all chill like a surfer dude, changes voice) “Dude, so this is your bro?  Welcome to high school or what I like to call “legal prison.”   Nice to meetcha dude.”

Oliver: My name is Oliver.  My name is not dude.  Thank you for your welcome.  I do not understand ----

Luke: (interrupting) No Oliver, Ike calls everyone dude. He saw the Big Lewbroski once and has never recovered from it.  And you don’t even have to answer him, just nod and say dude back.  

Oliver: Nod and say dude back.

Luke: Right.  Let’s practice.  “Dude is this your bro?  Nice to meetcha Dude.”

Oliver: You forgot the part about the prison.

Luke: (frustrated) I changed my mind.  Now, just nod and dude me back.

Oliver: (robotically nods and says Dude in a monotone voice) Dude. . . . ."

" . . . . Claire:  On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best picture ever ----

Zoe:  Like mine. (struts about all dude I’m awesome)  

Claire: (glaring at him) And 1 being the worse picture ever, mine is a minus 100. (tilt head thinking)   It’s horrible.  I wonder if my parents would consider moving.  

Zoe:  Oh come on, it can't be that bad.  (Claire hands the paper over to him wordlessly.  Zoe looks at it and his eyes widen) Okay this IS pretty bad.  What happened?

Claire:  I had to sneeze.  And I didn't want my school picture to be a picture of me sneezing so I tried to stop and hold the sneeze in and (gestures with photo) that happened.

Zoe: (studying picture)  You look deformed.  Like your face is morphing into something else.  Like a werewolf.  A deformed werewolf.  . . . . . "

" . . . . .Sophia: Who are you choosing?

Stephanie: I’m choosing Dad. He’s already heartbroken and he’ll need someone to look after him.

Sophia: I think we have to choose the same parent. They aren’t going to separate us and give one of us to each parent.

Stephanie: How do you know?

Sophia: Because this isn’t a movie. This is real life. One parent will get custody of the “kids” - that’s us - and the other will get visitation rights. That’s why we have to choose.

Stephanie: No, no, no.  I can’t do this Sophia.  If we pick Mum to have custody, Dad will be heartbroken.  If we pick Dad to have custody, Mum will be crushed.  I can’t do this. I can’t choose between them. . . . "

"  . . . . Lucy: (passionately)  Willow, I want to be normal. I want a boyfriend.  Help me.

Willow: Fine. (thinking a little) Maybe you could get a fatal disease. And then you’ll have to drop out of everything to rest and by the time you make a miraculous recovery you’re parents will be too relieved that you’re alive to care about a potential boyfriend.

Lucy: A fatal disease?

Willow: Okay the plan needs a little tweaking but we’ll get there.  Maybe you could break a leg?  

Lucy: Willow!

Willow: Oh look, there’s Riley.  Time to kick the “I Need A Boyfriend” plan into gear.  Go flirt!   And remember your “Oh Rileyisms”. (Lucy looks panicked as Willow pushes her off SR) Just smile and tell him he looks buff. And if you see anything you could fall over and break your leg, go for it. . . . . . "

" . . . . . .Jack: What did you ask Santa for this year?  I asked for a Legos Police Station.   

Tim: I asked for a Legos Fire Station.  I’m going to be a Fireman.

Jack: I’m going to be a Policeman.  

Tim/Jack: Saving the World together.  (both pose in studly cop/fireman poses back to back.  Girls roll their eyes)

Anna:  I asked Santa for a Barbie Town House.  It has three floors and an elevator.  

Lucy: I asked Santa for a Disney Princess Royal Cash register.  It has a scanner!    

Anna/Lucy: Saving the World with fabulousness.  (Both pose in drama diva styles)  . . . . . . "

" . . . . Lucy: (perking up)  Anyway, my Jack is dark and abtastic too.   

Jess: Our new boyfriends sound a lot alike.

Lucy: (shrug) Well, we do both have awesome taste. And guess what else?  Right before we said goodnight, he sent me a poem that he wrote himself.  (starts reciting in a dreamy tone) “Fairy Princess, Golden Girl ----

Jess who has been listening in shock suddenly joins in reciting the poem angrily.  Lucy continues reciting confusedly.  

Lucy/Jess: “Dancing on moonbeams, in my heart.  Until tonight.”

Lucy: (confused)  How did you know what the poem said?

Jess: (gritting teeth)  Mark sent me the exact same poem last night.  Right before we said goodnight.. . . . ."  

" . . . . . Sara: Oh my goodness.  I can’t believe it.  I wasn’t even going to come today.  I was so angry.  (suddenly gasps and looks at Max) It’s the verse.

Pippa: What verse?

Sara: “Do not withhold good from those who need it when you have the ability to help”.  If I hadn’t come today, I would have withheld good.

Julie: If you hadn’t come today, I wouldn’t have known or posted about it on Facebook.  And twitter.  And Instagram. And Snapchat. (everyone stares at her) What?  I like social media.. . . . . 

Sam: I thought you didn’t believe this helps anyone.  

Max: Maybe I was wrong.

Sam: Hah!  Max admitted he was wrong.  Tweet that Julie.

Max: Once.  I was wrong once. (To Julie)  Did you really tweet that?  You can’t tweet things like that. . . . . "

" . . . . .Jackriel: (clears throat)  To begin, my Human has had a very good week.  His academics have been soaring. His athletic abilities have been ---

Samriel: Amazing.  Blah, blah, blah.  But the big news of the week is that your Human fell and broke his arm because you - his Guardian - were too busy rereading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to watch over him.

Jackriel: (sputtering and defensive) But J.K. Rowling is writing a new book.  . . . It’s not my fault my stupid human IS ALWAYS FALLING AND BREAKING SOMETHING.  

Anariel: (shocked) Oooo, you called your human stupid.  

Jackriel: (quickly) I meant silly.  My SILLY human.

Joriel: Why yes, Samriel, that IS against the Guardian rules. Dude, they’re probably going to put you in Guardriel prison.  But you could start a Jail band.  (singing or talk sing like Elvis) “Everybody in the whole cell block, was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock.” . . . . . "

" . . . . Scarlett: “Oh Fraulein, Father’s never going to marry her. Why he couldn’t. Because he’s in love with you. (pace a few moments) He’s in LOVE with you.  (pace again and change inflection) He’s in love with YOU.   Hmmm.

Isabelle: Scarlett, can you please practice a little quieter? I’m trying to get ready for my audition too.

Scarlett: Which inflection is better?  He’s in LOVE with you or He’s in love with YOU.  

Isabelle: I don’t know.  Either one sounds fine.  

Scarlett: That’s no help.  This could be the difference between me being cast as Brigitta or not being cast as Brigitta. (turn to Olivia) What do you think Olivia? . . . ."

" . . . . .Adam: (very excited)  Yes!  A wicked, evil dragon who kills everyone with his light saber!  

Lidia: Dragons don’t have light sabers Adam.

Adam: My Dragon does because he’s cool and watches Star Wars.

Jack: No Adam the Dragon doesn’t kill anyone.  

Sophie: Is he a nice dragon Jack?

Jack: Yes Sophie he is.  He’s just lonely because he’s the last Dragon in the world.

Sophie: Awww.  That is so sad.

Lidia: So let me get this straight.  The Wicked Trash Villain is a Dragon who is littering the forest with trash because . . . . .

Jack: Because he’s so lonely.  He doesn’t have another Dragon friend to say hey pick up your trash because we need to save the environment. . . . . .."

" . . . . . . Abby: What if they scream?  What if they put me in a cage?  What will I do?

Jessica: Abby, you’re a wizard.  If they put you in a cage, just flick your wand and get out of the cage.  

Abby: I don’t like my time period.  I don’t know anything about the 1950's.  (gesture to skirt) Why is a there a dog on my skirt?  Why do they have a song called “How Much is that Doggie in the Window?”  Why are dogs so important in the 1950's?

Jessica: Beats me.  I want to know why people in the 1980's dress so weird?  Look at these. (indicate leg warmers) They’re called Leg Warmers.  Why were people’s legs so cold in the 1980's?  

Piper: Come on guys, stop whining.  I’m going to the future and nobody knows the future.  Who knows what I’ll find.  Maybe there are no people in the 2050's.  Maybe everyone is a robot. . . . . . "

" . . . . . . .Eloise:  Well I'm not really good with the whole "selling thing" so I just gave them to my Mum and she bought them all and gave them to members of the family.  

Madison:  WHAT?

Eloise:  There's nothing in the rules against your Mum buying all your biscuits.  I just hate asking people to buy things.  It makes me break out in hives. (Madison is glaring at her) Besides, Chloe only sold 5 boxes.  And she bought them all herself.

Chloe: (shocked)  Eloise! That was a secret. You promised you would never tell anyone.  

Eloise: (cringing) I'm sorry.  Madison was yelling at me and I have no will power. . . . . . ."

" . . . . .Ariel: (very sweetly)  Dear Judges, citizens, people of this world and people undersea. I think that I should be “The Favorite Disney Princess of All” because I love being Part of Your World and look?  (gestures with fork) I think forks are for combing your hair.  Isn’t that adorable? Remember I just want to be “up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun.” Thank you.  

Elsa: (has been silently fuming at Ariel’s presentation) Hello.  You all know me.  I’m Elsa. The Elsa. The one from Frozen. The most POPULAR Disney movie of all time.  And I sang the most POPULAR song from all time, “Let it Go”.  Everyone knows my song.  Everyone knows me.  Everyone loves me. Therefore I believe that I should be “The Favorite Disney Princess of All.”  Thank you.

Belle: Ariel, Elsa what lovely presentations.  And this stage (spread arms) like a quiet village. Every speech like the one before.  Little stage, full of little Princesses but I’m here to wake you up and say (very perkily say) Bonjour! The Beast and I - oh wait he’s not a Beast anymore.  He’s a Prince.  The Prince and I would love it if you chose me to be “The Favorite Disney Princess of All.” (Curtsy) Thank you. . . . . "

"Mighty Miss: Well it’s official.  We’ve been taken off the Superhero list and put on the Inactive list. Blinky slithers over behind Mighty Miss.  Mighty Miss turns around and confronts Blinky holding out one of the papers.) Here’s your official notification.  

Blinkvisible: How did you know I was here?

Mighty Miss: I can see you. 

Blinkvisible: No you can’t see me.  I’m (striking a pose with both arms in a wide V) BLINKVISIBLE. Blink (blink eyes very dramatically) and I turn invisible.  

Veloce: (sitting up) Blinky, we can see you. You’ve lost your powers.  

Blinkvisible: No I haven’t.  I refuse to lose my powers. You’re just guessing where I am because you can hear my voice.  

Veloce: (standing up) Right. And I’m just imagining that I’m no longer Superfast.  (raise both fists up in air in front of chest) I was going to work with THE FLASH. . . " 

" . . . . Twin 1: (glaring at Batboy)   There is only room for one Superhero on this playground, so (make shooing motions with hands) scram.  I will save the day.

Twin 2: (glaring back) I am not going to scram. You scram. (makes the same shooing motion with his hands)  

Twin 1: My powers are better.  I can fly.

Twin 2: I have a batcave.  I win. . . . . . . "

"Betty: The new Jungle Book movie is out. (Everyone looks at her expectantly.) And we’re all in it! (Everyone jumps up and cheers)  

Winnie: And?

Betty: It’s awesome! (Everyone cheers some more)

Priscilla: I wasn’t worried.  I knew a panther would be in it.  After all, how can tell the story of Mowgli without the amazing spectacular Bagheera. (strike a big dramatic pose as you say) Panthers rule! And every other animal (other animals are glaring at her) is also awesome in their own way. (the other 3 animals have their arms crossed as they continue to glare) I wasn’t going to say drool. . . . . " 

" . . . .Sapphire: Come on. Are you Pirates or are you Wenches? We have to seize the day and hoist the mizzanmast and keelhaul the head sail and carpe the diem.  

Starfire: I have no idea what you just said.

Tempest: Back to the whole walking the plank thing.  Not a fan.

Stormy: Sapphire’s right. We should mutiny.

Tempest: Sharks people. There are sharks in the water.  

Stormy: We should mutiny and become what we really want to be.   But we’re Pirates.  Pirates fight for what they want.  

Tempest: Sea monsters too. With tentacles. IN THE WATER.  . . . . . "

"Janie: Wow. This place looks like a clothing bomb exploded in it.

Willow: What happened in here?  Was your sister packing to go some place?

Sophie: No. She had a date tonight.

Janie: Mia had a date? With a boy?

Sophie: Uh huh. With a boy named Jack.

Janie: Jack? Like my brother Jack?

Sophie: That would be the one.

Janie: MIA IS ON A DATE WITH MY BROTHER JACK? . . . . . "

" . . . . Colorboy: Why can we move? I’ve never been able to move by myself before.  

Progal: Clearly there has been some sort of error. We must speak with management.  Is anyone wearing a cell phone?

Cowboy: Nope. But I have a hat. (takes hat off head and swings it around) I love my hat.

Jammiesgal: (finally standing up and patting down her outfit) No, I don’t seem to be wearing a cell phone. (pauses a moment and then says curiously) What is a cell phone?

Progal: It’s a little box that people talk into to.  I’ve seen them do it many times when they are standing near me. (hold up hand as if talking into a cell phone.  Change voice a little with each question) “Charlotte, what size uniform does Megan need?” “Emily, where are we meeting for lunch?” The box has all the answers in it.  

Colorboy: (Looking over clothes) I don’t see any boxes. (holds arms out with a big smile)  I like my clothes.  I’m very bright. . . . . " 

" . . . . . . Michael: What are you doing?  Why would you add my Mom on Snapchat?

Tyler: Because I want Mikey snaps.  

Michael: Just so you know, we are no longer friends.

Tyler: Dude come on. Your Mom is hysterical on social media. She should have her own reality show. Remember when she joined Instagram?  Her first post was the Mikey First Day of School Over the Years montage. Mikey in Kindergarten, Mikey in First Grade - That I Wuv Hugs t-shirt was killer by the way. And who could forget the buzz cut in primary school?  Dude, you looked terrible with no hair.  Like a deformed alien.  

Michael: My cousin put gum in my hair and that was the only way they could get it out. And thank you for bringing up such a traumatizing memory.

Tyler: Come on MomofMikey.  Send me a Snapchat! . . . "

" . . . . . Derek: So “Am I a Dean or am I a Sam?”

Steve: (completely confused) What?

Derek: At first I thought, I’m a Sam (gesture at self) because I’m smart and (muscle pose) fit but he was going to be a lawyer before his Mom got killed by that demon and yech (make a face) lawyers. So then I thought, I’m a Dean (strike a cool pose, lift eyebrows suggestively) because he’s cool and very suave with the ladies but he also sold his soul to save his brother and while I like my brother (roll eyes and make a face as you mutter sometimes) sometimes, I wouldn’t sell my soul for him. So who am I?

Steve: What?

Derek: Am I a Dean? Or am I a Sam?

Steve: (confused and frustrated) WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHO ARE DEAN AND SAM? . . . . . . . . . "
 

"Olivia: Darby!  There you are.  I’ve been calling and texting you for hours.  Why didn’t you answer?

Darby: (still looking up into the distance)  Did you ever look at the moon?  I feel like I don’t look at the moon enough.  I never say hello to the moon.  (turning and asking very seriously) Do you ever say hello to the moon?

Olivia: (very worried sits down next to her.  Says very carefully and calmly as if afraid of spooking Darby) No.  I guess I haven’t.  Are you okay Darby?

Darby: (gazing up again)  I love the moon.  It’s so white and pure.  Like tombstones in a graveyard.      

Olivia: Darby.  Darby look at me.  You’re scaring me.    

Darby: (turns to look at Olivia)  Do you think some people are born broken? . . . . . ."

" . . . . . . . Ellen: How do you know I don’t have a nervous disorder?  What if I have a panic attack? What if I walk in, wearing my red dress, and everyone hates it?  (change to a snooty, upper crust voice) “Oh, you’re wearing red?  No one wears red to these gatherings. It’s a bit tacky. Were you confused?  Did you think this was a Wear a Ridiculous dress party?”  . . . . . .

Holli: (unbelieving) You’re going to get so nervous about getting chocolate on your red dress that you start crying? They’ll have napkins. Which you can use to wipe off the chocolate. (lots of big gestures during this rant, build towards yelling loudly at the end)  And if they don’t have any napkins because the country is suddenly suffering from a nation wide shortage of napkins, I will grab some curtains, tear them off the wall and sew you a napkin so you can WIPE THE CHOCOLATE OFF YOUR DRESS!!!!! . . . . . ."

" . . . . . . Sophie: Um . . . I’m a little confused Jack.  Why are we talking about sheep?

Jack:   Because that is what the world wants us to be.  A world of sheep.  For everyone to think the same, act the same, be the same. (passionately)  But Sophie, I am not a sheep.  I am a dancer.  I am a brother.  I am a Doctor Who fan. (Sophie looks at him with a what? expression on her face) . . . . .  But I AM NOT A SHEEP.

Sophie: But Jack those bullies hurt you.  I am so angry.  I can’t stop wanting to kill them.

Jack:  Please don’t kill anyone Sophie.  Prison would suck. Look, I’m okay.  I try to avoid the bullies most of the time, but when I can’t, I fight back. Yes I got a bit bruised but dancers are great kickers. Hey! What is a duck’s favorite dance?  The quackstep. (Jack flaps his arms a little like wings) Where did the computer go to dance?  To a disc-o! (Jack does the John Travolta Saturday night live disco move with one arm up and then down and then walks closer to Sophie and does the Batman eye disco moves until finally Sophie starts giggling) . . . . ."

"Scene opens with Sky, and Mary are slumped depressed into various chairs.  Mallory is texting. Taylor enters.

Taylor: Ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwww!

Mary: Something wrong?

Taylor: (shuddering)  I’ve been feeding the homeless. They are so disgusting. They smell. Their teeth are gross. And did I mention they are DISGUSTING?

Sky: Is that why you missed the trip to Disney World? Everyone was wondering where you were.

Taylor: My Dad insisted that I come with him on his monthly Help the Helpless mission trip.  I’ve taken three showers and I still feel dirty. . . . . . "

" . . . . .SUMMER:   But Winter is cold and grey and yucky.  Summer is sunshine and weddings in June, fireworks in July and vacations in August. Summer is perfect.  

WINTER:   You’re forgetting something. Winter is also Christmas. And Christmas is filled with frolicking elves and reindeers and Santa Claus. Ho, Ho, Ho.

SUMMER:  But Christmas is only one day in Winter.  The rest of Winter is cold and yucky and People freeze to death.  

WINTER:  (sing) “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.”

SUMMER:   FREEZE . . . TO . . . DEATH. . . . . . " 

"Magician: Good night little dolls.  I’m sorry I have failed. I wish there were a magic word like “Shazam” that would bring you alive. But I fear I am not a very good magician. Maybe it’s time to give up my dreams and get a normal job. One last show and then I’ll move on.  I will miss you. After magician exits dolls start to move.  They look astonished and surprised.  

Belle: “I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere.” (gasp) I can move!  I can sing!

Camille: Why am I on the ground?  Are my legs broken?  

Koe: Konichiwa. (surprised) I can talk too. I wonder if I can go shopping.

Raven: (lowers arm) I can finally put my arm down. (shakes arm) I’m so sore. (stand up and stretch) That was such a strange position.  

Wonder Woman: (Jumps down from block and looks around suspiciously) Why can we suddenly move?  Why can we suddenly speak?  There must be something evil afoot.  . . . . . ) 

" . . . . . Lacey: I said good luck.  Even though I blew it I still want you to win Dana.

Dana: You said good luck. You never say good luck to actors. You have to say break a leg. Oh no. I’m doomed.  

Melanie: Don’t be silly. You’ll be great. Now get out there and own that stage. We’ll be cheering. 

Lacey: There she is. (pointing out in the audience) I love this monologue. (starts speaking as if saying the monologue with Dana) “Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.  What's Montague? It is not hand, nor foot. . . . . (horrified face)  Did she just say tis not a belly button? Nor elbow?  That’s not the line.

Melanie: Is that rap? Is she rapping? (puts hands over her eyes again)  

Lacey: (saying unbelievingly) “Yo Romeo, hey Romeo. You’re looking so good, now join the hood.” This is a trainwreck.  Look, she’s done.  Melanie, take your hands off your eyes and clap. . . . . ."

" . . . . . Becca: Is it over? What happened? That was scary.

Hildy: Maybe it was some kind of electricity thing?  

Becca: That’s probably it. For a minute I thought we were being invaded by aliens.

Hildy:  I thought it was a monster or a ghost. Attics are so creepy. But it’s stopped now and we’ll probably never know what happened.  
 
Jeannie: I know what happened. It was me! (Jeannie steps forward)

Becca/Hildy: (grab each other as they scream) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Jeannie: Greetings.  I’m Jeannie.  The Jeannie of the trunk. (put hands in namaste position and bow) Are  you ready to go? . . . . . "

" . . . . Dilys: Are you feeling okay Gertie?

Lucy: You never like anyone. Ever.

Puddy: Are you a pod goat? Did Aliens take over your body?

Duffy: (shocked) Aliens took over Gertie? We have to hide. Everyone hide. And bring bacon because we’ll need to eat while we hide.  

Puddy: (glaring at Duffy) Bring Bacon?

Duffy: And other things too like sausages and meatballs and other food things. Let’s go, let’s go. Everyone hide.  

Lucy: Duffy, stop!  Aliens did not take over Gertie. . . . ."  

" . .  . . . . Kate: Bugs are good for you Melly. They’re full of protein. (walk over to campfire and look closely at Melly) Is that a bug on your arm? You should grab it and eat it for supper.

Melly: (Stands and screams) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Robin: (Standing and comforting Melly) Kate was just joking Melly. There are no bugs on your arm.  

Dori: I refuse to eat a bug. I refuse to eat anything that’s alive. Bugs have families too you know. . . . . . . ."

" . . . . . Goldilocks: Well I was walking past the Three Bears house and I was so tired.  I popped in to rest a moment but when I tried to sit down their chair broke into pieces.

Bo Peep: (jumping up) That was very dangerous. Did you buy that chair from the Big Bad Wolfe?  

Mama Bear: Yes.

Bo Peep: You should talk to the Three Little Pigs. I heard they are suing him for making dangerous chairs.

Goldilocks: It was very upsetting.

Mama Bear:  I object. We are not talking about dangerous chairs. 

Mother Goose: (phoning) “Little Miss Muffet? Did we buy any of the Big Bad Wolf’s chairs?  We did?  et rid of them right away.  They’re dangerous.” (To Goldilocks) What happened next? . . . ."

" . . . . Mindy: I think Emma would be a great Princess and a wonderful role model for all the little girl eels in the ocean.

Gabriel: No one likes eels. They’re scary and they shock you.

Mindy: Gabriel! How can you say such things?

Gabriel: It’s in the Angelfish rules. (Angel pose) I can not tell a lie.  

Emma: Nobody likes me?

Mindy: Lots of people like you. (glares at Gabriel)  Gabriel say something.  

Gabriel: (clears throat) Behold the words of Gabriel the Angelfish. We like you. Other eels like you. And there’s a rumor that Ollie the Octopus has a crush on you but other than that? Nobody else likes you. Thus endeth the words of Gabriel, the Angelfish. . . . . ." 

". . . . Little Red: Bo Peep, your sheep are going to do a kickline.

Bo Peep: A kickline?

Little Red: Like the Rockettes.  We’ll call them the Sheepettes!  

Bo Peep: I don’t know if my sheep can dance.

Little Red: Jill, you and Jack are going to be shot out of a cannon.  

Jill: (wide-eyed shock)  What? 

Little Red: I saw it on America’s Got Talent.  It was very eye catching.  

Jill: SHOT OUT OF A WHAT? . . . . . . "  

" . . . . . Olivia: Now can we please go find another Birdstand?  That one doesn’t have any mouse pies.  The sign says they have mouse pies but do they have them?  No. There are no mouse pies. Bark, Bark.

Remy: Olivia stop barking. You’re not a dog. You’re an Owl.  

Olivia: I am a Barking Owl and when Barking Owls are upset, they bark.  Bark, Bark.

Kelly: Pssst.

Remy: But you don’t sound like an owl.  You sound like a dog.  It’s embarrassing.  Why can’t you hoot like other owls? (Remy gasps and then glares at Olivia.  Olivia glares back at Remy.  Kelly gets between them, pushes them apart and says.)

Kelly: Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst.

Olivia: Kelly, why are you making that sound?

Kelly: There is an Eagle following me.. . . . "

" . . . . . Sophie: (Old woman) Hello my pretty. You look bored. You need a new hairstyle. Let me cut your hair.

Sian: Pascal didn’t think it was a good idea.

Sophie: (Pascal) She looks creepy. What if you get a bad haircut? 

Sian: But Rapunzel didn’t listen.

Sophie: (Rapunzel) My hair does drag on the ground.  Everything gets caught in it. Dirt, twigs and yesterday there was a frog.  

Sophie: (Pascal) A frog?  (screaming in fear)  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Sian: You’re a lizard.  Why are you afraid of frogs? . . . "

" . . . . .Loriel: Let’s talk about your hopes and dreams.  Do you need guidance to help you achieve your goals in life?

Carlie: Hmm. Well, (tilt head thinking) my goal in life right now is to try to find some way to keep my brother from reading my diary.  No matter where I hide it, he keeps finding it.  Last week he posted a picture of the page where I talked about my Frog Fear on Instagram and now everyone keeps teasing me and giving me frogs!       

Loriel: Your brother is ----------(fling arm out in same gesture as before but Carlie interrupts her before she can finish the sentence.  Carlie again has a sappy, dreamy expression on her face)

Carlie: The most wonderful brother in the entire world?  I love him so much.  I love it when he tells all my secrets.  I love all his silly little jokes.  Putting a frog in my bed was so creative and he looked so happy when I started screaming.  

Loriel: No, no, no!  Stop!  This is my fault.  You don’t have the most wonderful brother in the world.  You only think that because I aimed an arrow at you.  (look at hands holding them out in front of her) I guess my hands are arrows.  (look up at sky) It would be nice if someone told me these things. . . . . )

" . . . . Mira: You mean you think you should skip Spells class just in case you turn Miss Ginerva into a frog again.

Celeste: It was an accident!

Belinda: She looked so funny hopping after you with her wand croaking “avantibee”.  Mark was standing on a desk screaming that he has frog fear and you kept turning kids into things. (pointing at Mira) You looked so funny as a hatrack.

Celeste: I just don’t understand Spells.  I thought I was saying the words right.

Gilly: I’m sure you’ll do better today.  My uncle had a really hard time when he first started being a dentist.  He kept pulling the wrong teeth out but he got better.  

Belinda: (looks at Gilly suspiciously again)  Where did you say you were from again?

Gilly: Um . . . . up north.  . . . . "

" . . . . Alice: (curtsies) Goodbye your majesty.  You could write “I will learn to share” 100 times on a piece of paper.  At my primary school the Teachers made the bad students do that and it always seemed to help.  Perhaps it will help you too.  

Queen: (very, very angry) WHAT?

Alice: (to the White Rabbit) See?  She keeps saying that word.

White Rabbit: Maybe she has one of those Word of the Day calendars.  Now come on.  Remember?  We’re late, we’re late for a very important date.

Alice: You know you say that a lot too.

White Rabbit: (pushing Alice towards exit) I know.  I like those words.  Now let’s go! (They both exit)   

Queen: (seething with anger) How dare they!  Off with their heads!  (Point to various people in the audience) And off with your head.  (points to another audience member) And your head.  Off with everyone’s head!  It’s not fair!  I want presents! . . . . . "  

"A: . . . . .Have you ever tried an online dating app?  . . . I’ve been thinking of joining one.  

B: Why?  You don’t have any problems dating.

A: Yea but everyone I know is boring.  I don’t want to date any of them.  And who knows? Maybe my soulmate is out there, just a few miles away, feeling the exact same thing.  

B: No one meets their soulmate through an online dating app.  They meet weirdos and liars and people who post profile pictures that are really old and taken before they lost all their hair and gained weight.

A: You’re talking about old people dating apps . . . . "

" . . . . B: He’s still in surgery. 

A: (collapsing into chair) How did this happen?  It was a prank.  Just a prank. Do you think he’s going to be okay?  (B doesn’t answer) What did they say?

B:  I told you. Nobody said anything except he’s still in surgery.

A: That’s good though right?  Still in surgery is good.  (pause and then A stands up and walks over to B)  There are already over five thousand hits on the video on Instagram.  

B:   Instagram? (sudden horrified realization) That’s right.  We were filming his reaction for Instagram.  What is wrong with us?  What were we thinking?  

A: We were thinking it would be a great prank.  Mr. Canning gave us extra homework because we didn’t know what “Tar and Feathering” is. Who knows what tar and feathering is?  So we egged and feathered his car.  Remember? . . . . .."

" . . . . .B:  Your Mum is so cool.  I think my Mum is waiting in the lobby.  She knows it makes me nervous when she hangs around. At least she’s not like Teresa’s Mum. (speak in exaggerated Diva voice, very haughty) “My daughter was in the National tour of Annie, and understudied Jane in Mary Poppins on Broadway.  She should be precast. I want to speak to the Casting Director right now!”

A: She’s the worse.  And look. (point) It’s Bobby’s Mom.  Mrs. (very ditzy and disorganized) “What theater is this?  The Shubert?  We’re supposed to be at the Rand. (panicking)  Bobby, come on.  We’re late. . . . . . . ”

" . . . . . . . Offstage voice: Places.  Why aren’t you in places?

Rosie: Because we will not compete against each other.  

Sunny: We will not be winners and losers.

Daisy: That’s right.  We are all winners.  

Offstage voice: But you can’t. . . . 

Rosie: Oh yes we can.  Haven’t you ever heard of Flower Power? 

Sunny: Places Flowers!

Daisy: You mean, places Winners!"

"At Rise: Reindeer are standing or sitting on stage looking very, very bored.

Cupid: How many more days till Christmas?

Dasher: 361.  (Reindeer all groan)

Comet: I asked the elves if the reindeer could help make toys this morning.  (other three reindeer look at her hopefully)  

Vixen: What did they say?

Comet: They didn’t say anything.  They were too busy laughing at me.  

Dasher: I suppose we could play some reindeer games.

Vixen: No.  I absolutely refuse to play another silly reindeer game. . . . . . "

" . . . . .Dr. Barbie: Oh my.  What happened?   

Adora: It was Skippy.  

Dr.  Barbie: Skippy?  

Diva: Olivia’s new puppy.  (glares)  The doll destroyer.

Valencia: Dr. Barbie, can you fix me?  Skippy took my shoe and chewed on my foot.  Will I ever dance again?

Dr. Barbie: Of course you will. (puts on stethoscope and takes heartbeat)  Say Ahhhh.  

Valencia: Ahhhh.

Dr. Barbie: My Diagnosis: You need a new shoe.  (hands one to her from her doctor bag.  Valencia puts it on) Tada!

Valencia: Thank you Dr. Barbie.  I can dance again.  (twirls around) . . . . . . "

" . . . . .A: Yes really gay.  Can we talk about this more in the morning?  I’m so tired.  I just want to go to sleep.  (starts to walk past B but is stopped by a gesture)

B: Uh . . . .on second thought, it’s probably not a good idea for you to sleepover since my parents aren’t here.

A: What do you mean?  I sleepover all the time.

B: That was before I knew you were gay.

A: (unbelieving)  Are you serious?  Why are you acting like this?  So I’m gay.  I’m still me.   

B: I think you should go.

A: (pleading) It’s 2:00 A.M.  I have nowhere else to go. (B continues to stare out into the audience.  A confronts B) You’re my best friend.  Are you really going to turn me away? . . . . . "

" . . . . A: Haha. Long sleeves when it’s over 90 degrees outside?  (B tugs shirt sleeves.  A suddenly looks upset) Wait. Did you really . . . . . I thought that was just a rumor.

B: (looking away) I don’t know what you are talking about.

A:  Did you really try to kill yourself?

B: (shocked denial) What? No! Of course not.  

A: (gesturing at sleeves) But then why . . . . . 

B: (yelling) It’s just a shirt. (awkward pause) Okay.  I . . .sort of cut myself a little. (A is looking horrified)  It was barely a scratch. I’ve just been so sad and I can’t seem to stop being sad. . . . . . "

" . . . . . Mira: What’s happening?  I don’t feel very good.

Clea: I hate the wind!

All the Snowflakes are twitching and sinking down to the ground.

Shayla: I can’t move anymore.  

Gemma: Help!  Help!  Someone please help us!

Narrator: The South Wind’s plan was working.  Soon the little Snowflakes would melt away and be gone forever.  But all was not lost.  The North Wind had heard the cries of the Snowflakes and rushed to save them.   The North Wind quickly blew a breath of cold, frosty air over the Snowflakes. . . . . . "

"At Rise: Ella, Deysi, Alwyn, Linnett and Bronwyn are standing in the background, scattered about, as trees.  Arms are in air like branches and everyone is frozen in place with no expression on their face.  Coventina enters.

Coventina: (in lyrical, dramatic fashion)  

“Come forth from the night, Come forth from the trees.       Calling all Sprites, Come forth.  Be Free.”

As Coventina finishes the calling the girls all start stretching and relaxing.

Bronwyn: (jumping happily) Oh.  It feels so good to stretch.  

Linnett: What took you so long? . . . . . "  

" . . . . . . Iago: This is the Talk show?   Squawk!  My agent is fired!

Jackie:   Don’t you just love to hate him?

Iago: What?  No one hates me.  I’m adorable.  Right?

Blakely: (wide eyes as she tries to think of something to say)  Um . . . sure. (nervous laugh)  In a mean bird kind of way. . . . . ."

"At Rise: Dilys is sitting on her knees with her hands on the ground.  Katie is standing with her arms spread wide and Gianna is flat on the floor spread eagled.  They are frozen at in place at lights up. 

Dilys: (standing up, brushing arms, legs)  Are we back?  Are we human again?

Gianna: (standing and doing a little twirl) Arms, legs, (flip hair) adorable hair - yes, we’re back.

Dilys: (To Katie who is still frozen in place and hasn’t moved) Katie, you can relax.  We’re human again.  

Katie: (finally relaxing and dropping her arms)  Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.  Why does this keep happening?  

Dilys: I don’t know.  Was anyone bitten by a spider? . . . . "

Gilda: Be polite but we must stop her from making this horrible mistake.

" . . . . Sia: Should I offer to fight Prince Bertram?  I am a Siamese fighting fish.  We are excellent fighters.  (do a karate pose)  Hi Yah!   

Gilda: No.  There will be no fighting.  Understand?

Sia: (big sigh)  Fine.  

Gilda: Miggle?  (Miggle is swaying back and humming) Miggle?

Miggle: (suddenly bursting into song) “Under the Sea, under the Sea.  Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me.”

Gilda/Sia: MIGGLE! . . . . . ."

" . . . .Teacher:  What do you mean?  (she looks at her shoulder where there is a big spider)  Spider!!!!!  AHHHHHHH!!!!  (teacher starts brushing her shoulder and jumping around panicking)  Get it off, get it off, get it off.  I hate spiders.  I hate the jungle.  (all the kids gasp with shock) 

Caleb:  I think this is the Rumble. 

Everyone:  Rumble.  Rumble.  Rumble.

Teacher:  AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Everyone:  Jungle.  Jungle. Jungle.

Teacher:  I want to go home!!!!

Everyone:  Rumble in the Jungle.  Rumble in the Jungle. 

Teacher:  I’m so scared of spiders. 

Chloe:  Mantra time.  Say it with us.

Everyone & Teacher: 

Are you ready to ride?
We’re going to the jungle.
Just jump in the jeep
And rumble in the jungle

Everyone:  We love the Jungle! 

Teacher:  Except Spiders."

"Teacher:  Once upon a time there was a boy named Max who lost his temper and was sent to his room without any dinner.  Then he found himself in a magical forest where the wild things are. . . . . The grandchildren heard the story many times.  They knew every line in the story.  They knew every monster.  But each year they listened till one year they didn’t.  They ran to Mia’s room.  They said “We can’t listen to this story again.”

Kids:  (turning around)  “We can’t listen to this story again.”

Teacher:  They said “We know every line.”

Kids:  (kids walk forward and stand beside the Teacher as they say):  “We Know every line.”

Teacher:  (steps back so she is behind the line of kids, upstage)  “They said we know every monster.”

Kids:  “We know every monster.”

Teacher:  This year they decided to make a change.  (Teacher walks to downstage right where a podium is set up and places the book on the podium leaving the children alone on the stage) They said:  “We want to have a Wild adventure of our own”. . . . ."

" . . . Phillip: Does anyone hear anything?  Sounds like whispering.

Quinn: Relax Phillip.  No one is lurking in the trees whispering.  

Sawyer: Unless it’s your snake girlfriend following us.  I’ve heard snakes can move pretty fast when they slither on the ground.

Quinn: (makes a hissing, whispering sound) Phillipssssss.  I wantssssss yousssss.

Phillip: (stands up nervously) That is really not funny.  Can we please talk about something else?  

Gemma: Calm down Phillip.  We’ll stop teasing you.  Let’s talk about the next step in our Jungle Adventure. . . . . "

" . . . . Chloe: You look so cute!  I am totally jealous.  I begged my Mom to get me a new head covering but she was all “We have to purchase goats which are far more important than a new head covering.”  (Pouts) My Mom likes goats more than me.

Jessica: Oh no Chloe, I’m sure that’s not true.  You parents are just thinking ahead.  Some day those goats might be part of your dowry.  

Elise: Puh-leeze.  Who cares about goats?  (To Chloe) Or your dowry.  Alanna, I want to hear the latest gossip about Jesus.  Did he really get lost at Passover?

Alanna: So lost.  His parents had to search for him everywhere.  Mr. “Future King” and he can’t even keep from getting lost.

Reporter: Did you say Future King?  I’m sorry I couldn’t help overhearing you. . . . . "

"Mighty Max: Well it’s official.  We’ve been taken off the Superhero list and put on the Inactive list.  (Velocity goes from sitting cross legged to flopping down flat on his back starfishing. Merrick continues glaring straight ahead.  Beast Boy’s hands turn into fists as he thrusts them up in the air with determination still keeping his eyes closed.  Blink slithers over behind Mighty Max.  Mighty Max turns around and confronts Blink holding out one of the papers.)  Here’s your official notification.  

Blinkvisible: How did you know I was here?

Mighty Max: I can see you. 

Blinkvisible: No you can’t see me.  I’m (striking a pose with both arms in a wide V) BLINKVISIBLE.  Blink (blink eyes very dramatically) and I turn invisible.  

Velocity: (sitting up) Blink, we can see you.  You’ve lost your powers.  

Blinkvisible: No I haven’t.  I refuse to lose my powers.  You’re just guessing where I am because you can hear my voice. . . . . "

" . . . . . .Ella:  I could say (thinking and then get an idea) “Beeeee the future” with some cute bees in the background.  People love bees.  And I’ll have a song playing while I do my poses.  Like. . . . . . . uh . . . (eyes light up with idea)  Lizzo’s “Made you Look”.  Perfect.  

Lottie: I’m so confused.  How do bees and Lizzo go together?

Ella: The music will keep saying (talk/sing this phrase) “Made you Look, Made you Look” and I’ll be doing poses.  (excited)  This is going to go viral so fast.  

Lottie: What about the bees?

Ella: Oh I’ll just find a photo of a cute cartoon bee and photoshop it into the background.

Lottie: Ella, this is ridiculous.  Bees, the Future and Lizzo?  None of that goes together.  It doesn’t make any sense.  . . "

" . . . . Captain: I see.  (Takes a couple of steps and then turn back) The Deadly Dark.  D.D.   (Crouch down and speak like a little kid acting frightened) “Oh I’m so scared.  Look up in the sky, it’s D.D.”

Deadly: Ha ha, very funny.  And I don’t fly.  I creep in out of the darkness to work my evil deeds. (take a few steps CS, in a sneaky stealthy way)

Captain: (take an aggressive swooping step towards CS)  Well I swoop in out of the dark to work my evil deeds.  (Both are up close and glaring at each other)  

Deadly: My name is awesome.  I’m very scary.

Captain: My name is awesome.  I’m even more scary.

Deadly:   Fine.  We’re both scary. . . . . "

"At Rise: Lights come up to see three teddy bears.  Each of the three teddy bears has a bear ear headband and wears a bow of some kind around their neck.  Talley is lying face down on the floor.  Tory is on a chair sideways with one leg hanging off.  Tansy is sitting on another chair in the center very prim and proper.  

Talley: Are they gone?

Tansy: (Looking around)  Yes.

Talley: (stands up and stretches) Why does Amy always leave me face down on the ground?  My face is getting so dirty.  (rubs face)

Tory: (trying to sit up and ends up falling off the chair) Oof!  

Tansy: Are you alright Tori?

Tory: I think so.  My leg is getting a little loose.  Chelsea keeps twisting it. . . . . . . "

" . . . . . Kelli: If you’re going to go British you have to use British buzz words. Like pip pip and tally ho. Right Lacey?

Lacey: Right. (Pause) What am I agreeing with?

Kelli: Try again Sarah. Just pep it up a little.

Sarah: Okay. I can do that. (Clear throat and speak in British accent again) Greetings Ladies and Gentlemen.   Welcome to the pip pippiest show on earth. We have wonderful performers so Talley ho! (Kelli and Lacey chap loudly) That sounded weird.

Kelli: It was great. That was a lot better. Now I’ll do mine. (Very dramatically) Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Greatest show on earth. . . . . ."

" . . . .Pippa: On no! It’s trapped. We have to rescue it Jake. If the river overflows, it will drown.  (Both suddenly flinch and react to a loud crashing sound behind them) What was that?

Jake: I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Pippa, I think the dam on the river just busted. (reaches down and pulls Pippa up.  Speaking urgently and a bit frantically) Come on, let’s go. Start walking or I will drag you. I mean it.  

Pippa: Jake please. We can’t just leave the puppy there.  

Jake: Pippa listen to me. We are in deadly danger. Mom and Dad trusted me to watch over you. We have to get out of these woods and away from the water, now!  . . . . "

Pi

" . . . . . . Lucy: Here you be Kacie.  (Changing stance to look like a boy trying to be cool)  And I’ll be Bradley.  

". . . . .Lily: (grabs Lacy’s hand and pulls it down) Why are you waving to the Big Bad Wolf? He wants to blow our house down.  He’s the enemy!

Lacy: You know I’ve been doing some reading Lily and I think the reason Mr. Big is always acting out —

Lily: Acting out?

Lacy: I think he’s lonely.  Maybe he has low self esteem and he just needs someone to give him some positive attention.  (waves to audience again and says) I love your outfit Mr. Big.  You’re looking awesome today.  (does a thumbs up) 

Lucy: (rushing in)  Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. We’re doomed!  Doomed! What will we do? What will we do? . . . . . . "   

" . . . . Molly: The judges loved our Mice.  And remember the year before when you owned the stage as the UPS man?

Darcy: I was pretty awesome. (Gets into character.  Looks around)  "Now that is what I call a mansion.  Probably the home of some hotshot Wall Street trader or something like that.  Must be nice.  What a life!

(Stuffy British accent) Good morning Jeeves.  Would you mind fetching me a spot of tea?  And the Grey Poupon?

(Speak like Igor all hunched over and breathy) Yes, Master, whatever you say master.

(Stuffy British accent) Ta ever so.  Oh and I feel the urge to go boating this morning.  Buy me a new yacht.  A purple one this time. . . . . . "

" . . . . Finn: Look, I’m sorry I hit you.  I don’t understand why you are being so mean but I shouldn’t have hit you. I’ve just been really stressed lately.  My dog got hit by a car last week and died. I’ve had Boo Boo since I was 5 and I can’t believe he’s gone. He’s always been my best friend and I miss him  (Pause and then stick hand out with a gesture). Okay now you can call me a Sissy Baby.  

Zac: (smiling) You named your dog Boo Boo?

Finn: Give me a break. I was only 5.  

Zac: My dog’s name was Bubba.  

Finn: Bubba?

Zac: Yea, he was my dad’s dog and then when I was born he sort of became my dog.  He was great. He was really old but he was still my best friend.  (Looks down and then with a soft tone)  I’m sorry I was a jerk.  Bubba died and my parents moved here and I don’t know anyone and I guess it was just easier ------- . . . . . . . "

"Amanda: Good day.  My name is Amanda River and as part of the Science Fair my group will be doing a presentation on the environment.  . . . . . Um . . . . so . . . . .

Luke: (walks out from one side of stage.  Talk robotically like the Terminator, hands on hips) Earth is being destroyed.  Pollution is killing us. Come with me if you want to live!

Dana: (walks out from other side of stage.  Claps hands and saying singsongy like a cheerleader with each sentence) Let’s get lean!  Let’s go green!  (Jump in air as if doing a cheer)  Go Team Green!

Sara: (walks out to center of stage waving hi) Have you hugged a tree today? Or a bunny? Trees and animals needs hugs too.. . . ."

" . . . . . By the way, Miss Muffet is still really upset that you broke her tuffet.  Did you see her twitter status this morning?

"Jack: (enthusiastically pumping fists in air)  Woo hooo! First and second place.  We did it again.  

" . . . . Mickey: Where am I?  What is this place?  I don’t like it here.  I want to go home. 

New toys stir.  GI Joe walks over.  Twin Dolls walk over in step, Sparkle dances over.

GI Joe: State your name, type of toy and former residence. Mickey: I don’t understand.

GI Joe: (to the other toys)   Signs of resistance.  I repeat, state your name, type of toy and former residence.

Mickey: (big eyes)  I’m Mickey Mouse.

Sparkle: Relax GI, it’s just a new Disney toy.

GI Joe: (suspiciously) How do we know he’s not a spy?. . . . . . . . "

" . . . . . Hunter: I’m not upset about losing Mom, (preening voice) though I am an awesome looking Wonder Woman.  I’m upset about who won. (outraged voice) They gave 1st place to Heather Wills and she was wearing a fox fur around her neck.  

Mom: A fox fur?

Hunter: She said it was her grandmothers. Think of that poor little fox, (happy, perky voice) running happily in the forest and then whap!  (Doom and gloom voice) Doomed to live forever around some old lady’s neck.. . . . . "

" . . . . Pip: (suddenly yelling loudly) I’M FLUNKING FAIRY SPELLS?  FLUNKING? (flustered and panicking) What does this mean? Am I going to be kicked out of Fairy School? What will I do? What will I do?  

Glitter: Let me see that. (reading) Congratulations Glitter. You did a wonderful job yesterday.  Your fairy dust sparkled and you created a lovely rainbow out of stardust and moonbeams. (looks up at others proudly) This is great. I don’t understand why you’re upset.

Lavender: (grabbing the paper) You’re only reading the part about you. Let me see it. (reading) Dear Lavender Blue, we love you.  Whether you’re blue or whether you’re green, you’re the best Flower Fairy we’ve ever seen. . . . . . . . "

" . . . . . Dr. Barbie: Yes that’s it, my Steth uh . . . . stepha . . thingie.  Where did she put it?  I’m supposed to wear it.

Evie: Are you sure you’re a doctor?

Dr. Barbie: Of course I’m sure.  I’m Dr. Barbie.  Stylish AND smart.

While Evie and Dr. Barbie have been talking, Samantha has noticed Twinkles back in the corner.  She tiptoes up to her.  Twinkles has been watching Evie and Dr. Barbie talk and has not noticed her.  

Samantha: (suddenly says) Hi!  I’m Samantha.  I’m an American Girl doll.  Who are you?  Are you new?

Twinkles: (is startled and shrieks and jumps as she says) Ahhhh!!!!!!

Samantha: Your name is Ahhhhhh!  That’s a very strange name.  . . . . . . "

" . . . . Laura: 5:45 PM?  (Both actresses look at watches)

"Mary: (entering and walking over to Mary, Mary and glaring)  Excuse me.  You're standing in my spot.

Mary, Mary:  No I'm not.  The Director of the Nursery Rhymes Musical Extravaganza said "Mary stands here." I'm Mary and I'm standing here.

Mary:  (angrily) You are NOT Mary. I'm the Mary.   Perhaps you've heard the famous nursery rhyme?  "Mary had a little lamb, her fleece was white as snow."  (Place hand on chest dramatically)  That's me.

Mary, Mary:  (very sweetly)  How nice for you. And perhaps you've heard the much more famous nursery rhyme "Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?"  (does same chest motion)  That would be me. . . . . . . . . . "

" . . . . . . Sam: You didn’t see my last game?  (Voice rising, very dramatically) The one where I tripped and fell on top of the catcher, breaking his hand, and according to his mother, ruining his life forever. While, AT THE SAME TIME, striking out and losing the game?  

" . . . . . . .Claire:  On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the best picture ever ----

Zoe:  Like mine.  (poses with cute smile)

Claire:  (glaring at her) And 1 being the worse picture ever, mine is a minus 100. (tilt head thinking)   I wonder if my parents would consider moving.  

Zoe:  Oh come on, it can't be that bad.  (Claire hands the paper over to her wordlessly.  Zoe looks at it and her eyes widen)  Okay this IS pretty bad.  What happened?

Claire:  I had to sneeze.  And I didn't want my school picture to be a picture of me sneezing so I tried to stop and hold the sneeze in and (gestures with photo) that happened.

Zoe: (studying picture)  You look deformed.  Like your face is morphing into something else.  Like a werewolf.  . . . . . . . . . "

" . . . . . Liz: I don’t understand. Now we’re supposed to be a tree? How can anyone be a tree? A tree is a plant. It doesn’t have thoughts or feelings. It’s just there.  

Marty: (takes a few steps back and forth as she says these lines) Be the tree. BEE THE TREEE.  (Suddenly put her hands in the air and start swaying) It’s windy. And the wind is pushing me around. But I stand firm. (stop swaying and just stand there with arms in the air) I am the tree.  

Jane:  That’s so good Marty. Let’s see. My tree is shy. (wrap arms around herself) And even though she wants to talk to the other trees, she doesn’t know what to say. So she just wraps her leaves around herself and listens.  (looks out into audience and jumps a little with her arms still wrapped around herself) I’ve got it Ms. Dodd. Look. I am the tree.

Liz: (she has just been standing there as the others become a tree with a confused and disbelieving expression on her face.  Suddenly looks out at audience) Yes Ms. Dodd? Be the tree?  I’m just a little confused about the whole being a tree thing.. . . . . (awkwardly places her arms in air).  I feel like an idiot.. . . ."

" . . . . . Catherine: I’m on the student council and I am also in choir and Drama Club.  We’re having auditions for Peter Pan next Tuesday if you’re interested.  I’m auditioning for Peter. (stand with legs apart and point one arm in air and put other at hip as you say) “Second Star to the right and straight on till morning.”  

Eeebar: (looks alarmed)  Second star to the right? Meepbor?  

Oookla: (frightened) She is a Meepborian?  (start turning in a circle saying in a panicked voice) Haa!  Haa!  Haa!

Eeebar: (grabs Oookla and stops her) Control your bodily unit.  . . . . . . "

" . . . . Sarah: That was one of the best pranks ever! 

Laura: Did you see Hillary’s face? (does terrified face) FROGS! We’re being attacked by FROGS!

Sarah: And then she was all (jump around as brushing at shoulders and body while yelling) “Get it off, GET IT OFF!” (High fives Laura) We are good.

Laura:  Yes we are.  But we did climb out the window to escape detention. Our parents will not like that. (shakes head sadly)

Sarah: Mom said that if we pulled anymore pranks, we would be grounded till Christmas. . . . ."

" . . . . . . Lisa: I give up.  I’m terrible.

Jessica: (comes over and sits besides Lisa and pats her shoulder) You can do it.  I have faith in you.

Lisa: Even after I bumped into you twice?

Jessica: Even then.  Though I may have to get a padded tutu. (Girls giggle together) Let’s try it again.

Lisa/Jessica: (girls say lines together and dance together) Plie, Plie, Arabesque.  Plie, Plie, Arabesque.  Pirouette and curtsy.  

Lisa: I did it!

Jessica: We did it. Together. (Girls hug) So Ballerina Buddy, ever tried Hip Hop?  (girls giggle again and strike a hip hop pose)"