Monologues : Comedy

Original, Contemporary Comedy Monologues for Kids and Teens listed in order of age.

"The Princess"      new!

Female. Age range: 3-5. Total length: Approx 30-45 seconds.

Short and spunky, this is the perfect monologue for a brand new little actress. 

Also included in purchase is slightly longer version of approx. 1 minute which adds adorable commentary about Jack and the Beanstalk.

The Princess

My Daddy says I’m his little Princess.

A Princess? Really? I love being a Princess! (claps hands with little jumps) Princesses are always pretty, perky, and very, very brave. (Pause, tilt head and place hands on hips) I wonder why no one ever told me this before! Of course, being a Princess is a big responsibility. . . . . . . . . . .

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"Barefoot Ballerina"      new!

Female. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What is a little ballerina to do when her puppy eats her dance shoes? 

Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes is also included in this order.

Barefoot Ballerina

"When it was my turn, I would step on the stage and pose. (Stand up on tip toes with arms curved overhead like a ballerina and then relax and be all perky and bubbly) I wanted everyone to see my costume. It’s so pretty!  . . . .  But now I can’t even dance! . . . . . . .Presenting Belle, the Barefoot Ballerina"

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"Skitter"      new!

Male. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A little boy is surprised to find out that his Mommy is afraid of bugs. Funny and brimming with personality, this unique monologue will help any boy own the stage.

Skitter

"My Mommy saw a spider this morning. She screamed really loud (Actor starts acting this out, pretending to be his mother. Jump up and down and point finger out at audience when you say it’s looking at me) and started jumping up and down yelling “Frank! Frank! Giant bug! Hurry! It’s looking at me! Frank!” . . . . . . . . "

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"Letter to the Tooth Fairy"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A young child offers some advice to the Tooth Fairy.

A Longer version, approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes is included with this purchase offering adorable advice on Teddy Bear surgery.  

Letter to the Tooth Fairy

 

. . . . . A dollar? Seriously? Can’t you do better than that? (Look up thinking) Let’s see, what would I like? Hmm. It would be fun to have a super power. I could fly through the sky (raise arms as if flying) rescuing kittens and trouncing (jump up and down) the bad guys. Superkid to the rescue! . . . . . . .

 

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"Tink"      new!

Female. Age range: 4-7. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Do you believe in fairies? Filled with cute moments, sassy personality and a great finish, Tink offers your own little "fairy" a chance to shine on stage.

*Also included in this purchase is a version that includes audience participation

Tink

 

"I almost disappeared. Me! Tinkerbelle! . . . . . . . repeat this phrase three times, “I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies.” And never forget. Fairies are depending on you. After all, do you really want to be responsible for this? (Actress gives dramatic fall to stage, coughs and “dies” dramatically. Then pops her head up and smiles and says) Remember, you do believe in fairies. (Actress smiles, winks and then lays back down dramatically)

 

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"Pet Detective"      new!

Male. Age range: 4-7. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A young boy discovers what he wants to be when he grows up. Cute and funny, this is a great showcase for an actor who is comfortable with physical movement and good at facial expressions. 

Pet Detective

. . . . I thought where would I go if I were a gerbil. I crouched low, (crouch, wiggle and then stand triumphantly with one finger in the air) I wiggled and eureka! There she was. Lurking in an air vent. I found her. I was the hero. (hands on hips standing proudly) . . . . . . I am going to be the next great Pet Detective. Alert the animal world because I (squinch eyes and look side to side suspiciously) am on the case!

 

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"How to Stop the Giggles"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 4-8. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

A young child ponders how to stop giggling.  Full of impish fun, this adorable monologue is perfect for a child with a cute giggle.

". . . . I giggle all the time. I guess you could say I’m a very happy person.  But my Mom says I giggle too much and in all the wrong places.  So I HAVE to stop giggling.  . . . . .  (Sad face dissolving into giggles).  I’m sad. I really am. . . . . . . ."

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"Barbie World"      new!

Female. Age range 5-8. Total length: Approx. 30-45 seconds.

A sassy monologue pointing out that Barbies are still the best.  Offering 3 different voice levels for an actress to demonstrate, this monologue is adorably cute!

NOTE:  You may request different Barbies than the ones described in this monologue and we will be happy to change it for you FREE OF CHARGE.  For example instead of Hunger Games Barbie you could request Wizard of Oz Barbie and we will change the lines to accomadate your choice.  

 "There are lots of dolls out there all hoping to be the next big thing. (spread arms and speak with attitude)  Puh-leaze.  There is only one Barbie.  Every other doll is just a loser wannabe. But Barbie has everything I want. . . . . . ..  Or the new Dancing with the Stars Barbies.  (sweep one arm up in the air posing elegantly and say in affected snooty voice) “I know I look fabulous dahling. Want to dance?” . . . . . . .  "

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"SuperBlue"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

The Blue Fairy is very tired of everyone lying to her.  So she's decided to become SUPERBLUE, The Avenging Blue Fairy.   

"  . . . . . . I'm the Blue Fairy.  Sweet (curtsy with big smile) adorable and I make your nose grow if you tell a lie. So why does everyone keep lying to me? 

 
  (twirl hair as you speak in clueless voice)  "Like I totally did the homework only my dog ate it."  (Change voice back)   Nose grows.  . . . . . . . "
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"An Orphan's Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Peek inside the life of one of the “other” orphans from Annie as she cleans and dreams of a better life. 

“An Orphan’s Life”

It’s not easy being an orphan.  I’m not like Annie.  She’s so brave!  She always stands up to Miss Hannigan.  I wish I could do that. 

I can see myself now.  I’ll walk right up to Miss Hannigan and say ...

 

 

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"A Dog's Life"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

It's not easy being a dog.  Especially when your Human wants you to keep chasing a ball  ALL THE TIME.  

" . . . . .  I’m not doing it. (shake head stubbornly)  Not this time.  (pleading voice, drop arms and gesture)  Why do Humans think that the ONLY thing I want to do in my life is chase that ball?   (Take one step forward)  Have you ever tried to put a ball in your mouth.  (puff out cheeks as you say) It’s not very comfortable.. . . . . . . . (tilt head)  Wait.  Do I smell hamburgers? (excited voice)  I love hamburgers.  (look around and then pick up ball)  Where’s that ball? (use slightly louder voice as if yelling back)  Humans, I have the ball.  It’s Skippipoo with your ball.  Can I have a hamburger?  Please?  Please?  (start to leave and then turn back and with a big grin say) I just love being a dog!"

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"That's me, Jill"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

What's a nursery rhyme character to do when ALL she is known for is tumbling after Jack? Jill decides she needs a makeover. 

That's Me, Jill

" . . . . . . The problem is that everyone else has all the good characteristics already. Goldilocks is all sweet and innocent (say this in big innocent voice, with wide eyes and sweet expression) “Oh I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your bed, Mr. Bear.” Red Riding Hood is the brave one up in the wolves’ face (put hands on hips and say in a brave voice) saying “Hands off Grandma Spunky!” And Bo Peep has the whole clueless thing going (say in airhead, clueless voice) “Sheep? Like I totally lost my sheep. (Small pause) Again!” And so here I am. Stuck with being the clutzy one . . . . . ."

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"The Boyfriend"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Adorable monologue where a little girl tries to figure out a way to tell her parents she has a boyfriend.  Cute, funny and very age appropriate.   

" . . . .  So I guess I have a boyfriend.  (smile, perky happy voice)   He brought me a cupcake for lunch and we held hands.  (scrunch nose a little)  His was really sweaty.  But then he tried to kiss me in the playground.  (disgusted)  Ewwwwww.   I had to punch him and tell him (shake finger)  NO KISSING!  That’s disgusting.  He said okay. . . . . . . "

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"Little Miss"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Little Miss Muffet does not like spiders.  And now everyone thinks she is a scaredy-cat.  This will not do at all!  

" . . . . . . . Hello.  (wave)  My name is Little Miss Muffet.  (curtsy)  Yes, (sigh) that Little Miss Muffet. (singsong voice)  “Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey.” Which are really disgusting by the way but my Mommy made me eat it.  It’s supposed to help me get muscles. (hold up arms in muscle pose and look at arms as roll eyes)   It’s not working. . . . And I guess you know how it ends. (singsong voice)  “Along came a spider who sat  down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.”  And now everyone thinks I’m a scaredy cat. (mocking tone of voice) “Run away Little Miss Muffet.  (make an evil face with hands in claws)  Watch out or the Spiders will get you Little Miss Muffet.”  Errrr.  (clench hands in fists)I have to show everyone how brave I really am. . . . . . 

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"Big Girl Now"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A little girl simply does not understand why her parents don't realize she's a big girl now.  Cute, funny and packed with adorable moments.  

A LONGER VERSION, approx. 3 minutes, is included with this purchase including a hilarious montage of possible careers.  

". . . . . . .Seriously?  Barbies are for babies.  (Puts hands on hips and then ask imploringly) Why can’t my parents see that I’m not a little girl anymore?  They keep treating me like a baby. Yesterday, I even had to have a tea party with my Dad.  It was horrible.  He pretended he was drinking tea and he kept talking to my stuffed bear.  (Use high squeaky voice) “Do you like your tea Mr. Boo Boo?  I just love my tea.”  (Pretend to drink with a big slurpy sound and then shudder)   I think I’m still traumatized. . . . . . .I may be only 8 years old but in my heart I’m totally a teenager.  I wonder if it’s too early to ask for driving lessons.  (Pose with big innocent eyes and cutesy face)  Oh Mom!  (Look straight at audience)  After all, I’m a big girl now!"

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"Mouseland"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Life in Mouseland has been sweet!  Lots of cheese, lots of nibbling.  But then the Mitchells bought a CAT!  Life in Mouseland would never be the same.

" . . . .  Life was truly sweet.  I loved Mouseland.  And then one day I heard the awful news.   (Open eyes wide with horror) The Mitchells had bought a cat.  A CAT????  I threw myself to the ground in despair.  (Actor throws himself down on stage and pounds fist on stage)   How could this happen?  This was a cat free zone.  And then, suddenly (sit up in terror) there it was.  The Cat!  I took a deep breath and prepared to meet my maker when the Cat said: (talk in surfer dude voice)

 
“Dude, what’s up?  I’m Simon.  Say. want to come with me & scare the neighbor’s yappy dog?”
 

The Cat didn’t want to eat me?  He wasn’t evil?  I’m very confused.  Life in Mouseland will never be the same.   (Sniff air) Wait.  Is that CHEESE?   . . . . . . "

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"A Star is Born"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After considering her career options, a young girl decides that being a star is the life for her.  Cute, funny, and loaded with personality, this monologue says "Hey, look at me!"

A Shorter Version, approx 30-45 seconds, is included with this order.  

 

 A Star Is Born


I’ve decided to become a star. Our teacher told us to think about what we would like to be when we grow up.
Some kids want to be teachers. Boring! Some kids want to be doctors. Cutting people open and seeing their guts? Eww!
And the boys all want to be cops (Pretends to hold a gun) “Hands up!” Or a firefighter. “Stop, drop and roll!” (Acts this out).

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"Fabulous Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A new baby in the house? No problem. Adorable monologue as a sassy little actress lists the rules for bringing up parents properly.  

Fabulous Me

"Parents! (Big sigh) When will they learn? You see, there’s going to be a new baby in our house. Another little girl. My Mommy is worried that I’m going to be jealous and suffer (use quote fingers) “abandonment issues”. (Dramatic voice with spreading arms gesture) Puh-leaze. Do they know me? I know how fabulous I am. (Pause and think) . . . . . . Number 3: And always be adorable. If all else fails, bring out the puppy dog eyes. (Big innocent eyes) After all, how can anyone resist this face? . . . . . . . . "

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"Magic the Magnificent Carpet"      new!

Male or Female. Age Range 6-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute and 1/2.

The Magic Carpet speaks up.  Funny and packed with personality, this monologue will shine the spotlight on you.

". . . . .  The Sultan is a great guy but his relatives?  Not so much.  Talk about annoying.  The kids are ALWAYS asking me to give them a ride. And because I’m a nice Carpet, I do.  But this is what I have to put up with. (talk like a bratty kid.  Scrunch face up and whine) “Go faster, faster!  You’re too slow.  This is boring.  Stupid carpet.”   But I don’t think they’ll be asking for any rides in the future since I (draw the word accidently out with emphasis) accidently dropped the last kid into the palace moat.  (Big smile and then look innocent) What?  (spread arms) There was a wind current.  NOT MY FAULT.. . . . . "

 
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"The Prince"      new!

Male. 7-12 yrs. Total Length: 1½ minutes

It's not easy being a Prince.  

A shorter version, age range 5-8, approx 45 seconds is also included in this purchase.  

"The Prince"

  

" . . . . Back in the old days, princes got to have lots of adventures.  They would slay dragons (swings imaginary sword in the air), fight giants (doubles fist in air and jabs a few times), and save the kingdom from evil invaders.  (Poses with hands on hips in a brave, superhero manner).   All I ever do is go to boring society dinners and pose for pictures.  (Poses halfheartedly with a very fake smile).  I hate my life! Doesn’t anyone have a dragon I can slay?"  

 

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"Ellie"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

It's Assignment Day for Faires and Ellie can't wait to find out what type of Fairy she's going to be. 

 " . . . But the absolute worse fate would be to be assigned as a Tooth Fairy.  (Incredulously)  Spending my entire life picking up dirty, grungy teeth?  (Firm and with attitude) I don’t think so.  (Look up nervously)  Here they come.  The suspense is killing me.  (Pause and bite lip nervously)  . . . . . ."

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"Cake Princess"      new!

Female version. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 30 seconds.

Look out Cake Boss.  The Cake Princess is taking over your title!

"Butter, sugar, flour (counting off on fingers and then eyes widen)  Wait!  Where are my eggs? (Look around and then with wide shocked eyes say)   Logan!  Stop juggling my eggs.  Those are for my cake.  (clench fists and mutter)  Brothers. . . . . . .I know I’m going to win First place at the Baking contest.  Fame, fortune and Top Chef are right around the corner . . . . . . . . "

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"Frankie"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Frankie Stein, the Monster High Doll, gives a seminar on how to make friends at Monster High.

" .. . . . . . .Number one.  You’re a Monster.  Own it.  Be proud of your monsterness.  You may be spooky, ooky (make a disgusted face)  or a little disgusting but that’s who you are. (indicate self)  Look at me.  I’m made of stitches and bolts and my body parts are always falling off.  Which isn’t easy!  Once I was giving a report on Marie Antoinette and as I pounded on the podium (pound one fist into another)  my arm flew off (fling one arm up in the air)  and landed on my teacher’s head.  (Oops face) Oops!  But I thought fast and said “That’s what happened to Marie”. (gesture to one side and then the other) “She lost her head like I lost my arm”.  (proud grin)  I got an A+. . . . . . . . ."

 
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"Draculaura"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Draculaura, the Monster High Doll, is very offended that someone just offered her a cup of blood. Hello?  She's a Vegan Vampire.  Pretty in pink and perfect in every way.  

"What did you just offer me a cup of?  (Lean forward and act as if peeking warily inside something.  Eyes go wide and breathily repeat mantra)   Do not faint.  Do not faint. (Take deep breath in and out)   Listen closely.  I am a Vegan Vampire.  That means no meat and DEFINITELY no (start to stammer as Draculaura cannot say the blood word without fainting)  buh . . . .buh. . . . you know!   . . . . . . . (Pull out cell phone) Time to check Gossip Ghoul. . . . . . . Frankiestein bought new shoes!  (Tilt head to side as you consider) Stylish yet scary.  I like! . . . . . . . ." 

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"Dinoboy"      new!

Male. Age range: 6-9. 1 minute version.

A quiet student by day, a superhero by night. Dinoboy travels back in time, with his trusty sidekick T. Rex Bob, to watch over the dinosaurs and save the world from time traveling bad guys. Very funny monologue that will showcase any young actor who wants to be noticed. 

A Longer Version, approximately 1 and1/2 - 2 minutes is also included in this order with even more adventures with (cue dramatic music) DINOBOY!

 

Dinoboy

"Little do my parents know, but I lead a double life. Quiet student by day (look innocent) and superhero Dinoboy by night. (Hands on hips, standing proudly) . . . . . . . Bob . . . . . . gets easily distracted from our missions. I blame it on his tiny, pea-sized brain. (gesture with fingers showing a tiny amount) Yesterday we were hiking through the jungle and he got mad at a pterodactyl and started chasing it. I kept telling him “Bob, pterodactyls can fly and you can’t” but he just wouldn’t listen. He’s like (speaking in a surfer dude voice) “Whatever dude. I want that bird.” Totally clueless. (shake head) . . . . . . . "

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"Little Boy Blue"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Boy Blue has big plans if he could just sell his horn on ebay. 

" . . . .  I’ve decided to become (do a dramatic twirl in a circle) LITTLE BOY BLACK.   And instead of some woosy horn say hello to Mr. Crossbow.  I mean what good is a horn anyway? You blow it, people come running (fling hands up in air sarcastically)   Woo Hoo.  But with a crossbow, I’m a hero.  “Ka pow!”  Swallow this Mr. Wolf.  “Ka ching!”  In your eye Mr. Troll. .  . . . . . . "

 
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"Bunnyhood"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

In an effort to improve bunny/human relations, a young bunny explains the Basics of Bunnyhood.  

"Put me down!  Careful, careful, watch the ears!  No (shake head) I do not want a 

carrot.  I’m good.  Now hop along.  (make shooing hand motions).  Bye! (Wave hand and then say with frustration)  Humans!  They’re so needy.  Ever since I moved here from the farm, they never leave me alone.  Always watching me, picking me up - (very dramatic) I need my space! . . . . . . . .So, in an effort to improve bunny/human relations I have prepared the Basics of Bunnyhood.  (clear throat and hold one finger up) . . . . "
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"YouTube Diva"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes.

In this monologue a girl decides that becoming a YouTube star is the perfect path to fame. This hip, funny monologue will catch the eye of every director and give a young actress a chance to demonstrate a wide range of acting abilities.

A Shorter Version, apppoximately 1 minute, is also included in this order. 

YouTube Diva

It's time for me to become a star. I mean, I love to act. It's my all-consumingpassion but lately everybody else seems to be becoming famous before me. What's upwith that? Clearly, I need to step up my game.

I considered my options. I'm a little too young to go on a reality show though I would totally winAmerica's Next Top Model. (Actress does a short runway walk and poses)I own fierce! (Actress does a fierce model face)

I could be discovered by Disney. I'm cute, I'm perky . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yes, that's the answer. I'll post a video on Youtube. Why, I'll be famous beforeyou know it. Look at me! Youtube Diva. (Actress strikes a dramatic pose).

 

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"Rules of Supernatural Life"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

An elf. Stuck in Supernatural School With a long, long list of rules. "Rules of Supernatural School" is laugh out loud funny and the perfect monologue for a child with lots of attitude and the ability to be very dramatic and sarcastic. 

Rules of Supernatural Life

"What is wrong with you humans? Suddenly you’ve become obsessed with vampires, wizards and everything supernatural. And instead of being afraid of the unknown like you have been for centuries, you want to hang out with us. You love us. (Say this in smoopy voice with hands clasped to heart and then change tone immediately for stop it) Stop it! It’s ruining my life. I used to spend my days flitting about the forest. Now I have to go to Supernatural School. . . . . "

 

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"The Story of Jack"      new!

Male. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Jack is sooooo tired of having to fetch another pail of water.   Jack, from the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill, is hoping today he FINALLY has an adventure. 

" . . . . Every day I keep hoping that this will be the day I’ll FINALLY have an adventure.  (look around stealthily) Maybe today bandits will attack us and grab Jill demanding all our money.  I’d be so cool.  (stand with swagger)   I’d be all “Dude!  Wazzup?  (wink) Nice day for a robbery.”  And then I’d casually saunter closer (take a couple of steps)  and then Hai Yah!  (Jump and do karate kick while yelling Hai Yah) Ka Pow!  (Do quick fist, fist punch)   That will teach you to mess with Jack.  Jack 1, Bandits 0. . . . Or . . . . . . . . . maybe when we got to the top of the hill, the well would be surrounded by slithering snakes.  And Jill is screaming and going (change voice so you sound like Jill and jump up and down all scared and frantic) “Ew, snakes.  Ewww, Jack, Do something!” . . . . . . . 

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"Gretel"      new!

Female version. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

That Hansel.  Always exaggerating.  In this hilarious monologue, Gretel sets the story straight about what really happened with the Witch and the Candy House.  

"Hello. Would you like a piece of candy?  I’ve got plenty. (wrap lollipop in paper and put in pocket as you say the next line)  Just one of the perks of knowing someone with a candy house. (smile and then tilt head as if listening)  Tried to eat me?  (make a disgusted face)  Eww, gross. What are you talking about?  (listen and then roll eyes) Oh please, don’t be silly.  That’s not what really happened.  (place hands on hip)  Hansel!  What have you been telling people? . . . . . . . .  Hansel broke off a piece and took a bite.  BIG MISTAKE!  (Shake head) Witches do NOT like you eating their houses.  Fortunately for Hansel, (place hands on chest) I know how to treat a witch.  (say the word number one holding up finger

1. Grovel.  (fall to knees and do a salaam) We are so, so sorry. Please forgive us oh glorious one. . . . . . . "

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"Just Call Me Bo"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Bo Peep is tired of being known as the clueless airhead who keeps losing her sheep. In this sassy, funny monologue, Bo Peep decides it's time to change her image. 

A LONGER VERSION approximately 1 and 1/2 - 2 minutes is also included in this order.  

Just Call Me Bo

 

"Alright, that’s it! I have had enough. I am tired of being known as (change angry expression to big, innocent eyes, clasp hands in front of you and say in sing song voice) “Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep.” (Change voice back to sarcastic tones and put finger up as you enunciate letter very clearly) FYI, I did not lose my sheep NOR am I a clueless air head like everyone thinks. If you want to talk air heads you should see Goldilocks. She’s all (change to clueless voice as you tilt your head and twirl a lock of hair) “What chair am I supposed to sit on again? I like totally forget.” (Change voice back to frustrated) And she says that EVERY SINGLE TIME she goes to the Three Bears. . . . . . ."

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"Cut and Style"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Rapunzel visits a hair salon for the VERY FIRST TIME! 

"Hello?  (actress is wringing hands and looking apprehensive and nervous as she looks around)  My name is Rapunzel and I have an appointment for a cut and style.  It’s my first time and I’m a little nervous.  (look around and see chair)  Sit here?  Okay.  (sits down nervously on edge of seat.) . . . . . . . .   (Actress jumps up in pain clutching hand ) Ow!  Ow!   Are you a witch?  Sorceress?  (put up fists)  Let’s go lady.  I am not afraid of your magic wand.  (pause as if listening) A flat iron?  For my hair.  I see.  (sits back down nervously) . . . . . "   

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"Circus of Wonders"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A young girl presents her bedroom, also known as THE CIRCUS OF WONDERS.  Okay maybe it's not actually a circus but if you plan to be a ringmaster - or own your own talk show someday - it never hurts to practice. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen!  Boys and girls!  Welcome to the Circus of Wonders! (Say Wonders in a breathy, awwww tone of voice and then giggle)  Actually it’s my bedroom but I like to pretend it’s a circus.  I’m going to be a Ringmaster some day, or (tilt head) maybe a talk show host, and I have to practice.  So come with me on a wondrous journey. . . . . .And in this corner is the amazing Ipodland.  One touch of my finger and sound will pour into the air.  But beware.  (Make voice cautionary and a little suspenseful) Exposure to the Gaga or the Bieber could lead to uncontrollable body movements.  (Start jerking about a little as if body is being forced to dance awkwardly)   . . . . "

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"My Princess Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

"My Princess Life" is the female version of "The Prince". An adorable monologue for a spunky young actress to demonstrate her comedic flair and vocal range. My Princess Life gives young girls a chance to be cute, spunky and very noticeable. 

My Princess Life

"I’m a Princess. Seriously! I have a crown, a throne room and a bunch of weird ancestors who liked to chop other people’s heads off a lot. (Insert an oops type of face here) My parents, the King and Queen, give me anything I want. A pony, the latest Iphone, a closet full of designer clothes, my own water park - anything my heart desires. It all sounds great doesn’t it? Trust me, it’s not. (Clench fists in anger) I hate being a Princess! . . . . . . "

 

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"A Diva’s Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Life isn't easy when you're a diva.  EVERYTHING is dramatic.  This monologue is packed with attitude, comedy and a wide range of emotions.  When you really want to be noticed.  

A LONGER VERSION, approximately 2 and 1/2 minutes is also included with this order  featuring the "Sacred Rules of Divatude".

A Diva’s Life

 

"I’m a diva. I admit it. I like a lot of attention and I like to do things my way.  Some people think that’s a bad thing.  Please. (Say this as puh-lease with attitude)  The world would be a much more sad and dreary place without divas. We add drama and excitement to most people’s boring, humdrum lives. When I enter a room, everyone notices me. (Pause and then steps forward as if entering a room) “I’m here!  Sorry I was late but an old man keeled over right in front of me and I had to do CPR for HOURS, but I totally saved his life.” . . . . .

My report wasn't ready.  I tried to read that book. . .. . . It was all "Yes Marmee.  No Marmme.  Whatever you say Marmee."   What a bunch of weinies!  Not a diva in sight. . . . . He was going to give me a bad grade.  Me! (grab chest dramatically) So I had to go all diva on him.  I sobbed.  I threw myself to the ground. . . . "

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"The Little Goddess"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Life as an Eqyptian Goddess would be awesome if your parents would ever let you actually do anything!  

"Finally!  I thought that trip down the Nile would NEVER end.  I love my family but they are always arguing.  Who’s the most powerful God?  Who has the best animal head? (lean forward as if telling a secret) I voted for the Cat Head but don’t tell Anubis.  He’s so touchy.  And every single day Ra had to jump up on the edge of the barge and yell “I’m the King of the world!” (Spread your arms in the Titanic pose).   It’s so embarrassing.  (roll eyes) . . . . But every time I mention taking up my goddess duties, my parents just pat me on the head and tell me to go ride a camel and to stop bothering them.  But some day I’m going to be the best goddess ever! . . . . . 

 
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"Grumpy"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Grumpy the dwarf just wants EVERYONE to stop taking his picture.

LONGER VERSION where Grumpy discusses a Disney promo and gives his hilarious impression of a Disney Princess is now included.  

 

"Stop taking pictures!  Go away!  (Unfold arms) No, I am not cute and cuddly when I get grumpy . . . .  . . . . . Why am I so popular?  I just don't get it.  I'm Grumpy .  . . . Oh no.  More tourists.  Quick Grumpy, think evil thoughts so they will go away. (Make grumpy, evil faces as you say each name) Let’s see. . . . . . Justin Bieber . . . . .  Brussel sprouts . . . . . . . Lawyers! . . . . . . "   

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"Fairy Tale Tomboy"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Getting married and living “happily ever after” is not for this spunky Fairy Tale Tomboy Princess. 

Fairy Tale Tomboy

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess who married the handsome Prince and they lived happily ever after.” Time out! Stop the presses! I don't want to get married and live happily ever after.. . . . . I've decided that I'm going to rewrite the end of my story. I want to have adventures that don't end when I get married. . . . .

 

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"Man of the House"      new!

Male. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Man of the House? Does that mean shaving? Driving? A young boy tries to imagine what his life is going to be like as the Man of the house. 

Man of the House

.....my Mom told me that now I'm the man of the house. The man? Me? (grab chestwith both hands).

Does that mean I have to take over everything my Dad use to do? (pace back and forth). . . . . . . .

I guess I'll have to start watching football and yell atthe tv a lot. (Yell and point finger threateningly) Hey Ref! Are you blind? That guywas clearly (pause and try to think of a penalty in football) uh . . . clearly . . . . doingsomething really bad! . . . . . .

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"Practically Twins"      new!

Female. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

There's a new baby sister in the house. A cute, funny, warm monologue where a big sister pictures what her life will be like now that she has a new baby sister. 

Practically Twins

" . . . . And of course, we’ll have to dance together. I love to dance. I can picture us now, floating onstage in something long and white. (Flowing arm movement) In perfect unison we raise our arms up and pirouette. (Actress raises arms in air and turns gracefully and then facial expression changes as another idea crosses her mind) But what if she ends up a better dancer than me and I get so nervous I mess up my arabesque and crash to the ground. (Actress starts to perform an arabesque and wobbles with nervous face before falling to ground) And I’m lying there humiliated as the audience cheers wildly for her because she’s so cute and they all laugh at me. That would be terrible! (Big eyes before standing up and acting all cool) On second thought, we should probably just do solo dances. That way everyone will love both of us. Everyone would be cheering and taking our picture (strike a couple of poses) and I would be so cool and say (using a bit of a clueless girl voice and twirling one strand of hair) “My little sister is just like me. It’s the whole twin thing. Like we’re both totally awesome.” . . . . . ."

 

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"No Internet?"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 30 seconds.

No electronic devices allowed at camp?  Are they SERIOUS?  A short, sassy and very funny monologue for competitions or auditions where you are only allowed 30 seconds.  

" . . . . . How do they expect me to function without the internet?  (roll eyes)  It’s like living in the Dark Ages. (raises hand and waves)  Hello?  Counselor person?  We have a problem. . . . . . "

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"Little Lamb"      new!

Female. Age range 8-12. Approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Mary had a Little Lamb is now trending on twitter.  She loves her little lamb but she keeps following her EVERYWHERE.  Our newest Nursery Rhyme Monologue is very funny and full of wonderful character moments.  

" . . . .Yesterday she followed me to school and it was a disaster. (wide eyes with unhappy face)  The teacher, Mrs. Jack Sprat, glared at me and the kids wouldn’t stop laughing.  (Point finger as if a school kid and make the baaa words sound like a lamb baaaaing)

 
“Hey Mary!  Did you give your lamb a baaaaaaaaaaath?” (Point other way)
 
“Don’t look baaaaaaaack.  There’s a lamb following you.”
 
They posted pictures on Facebook and I heard that “Mary had a Little Lamb” was trending on twitter.  (Big sigh) What a mess. . . . . . . "
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"The Last Adventurer"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Someone has to have adventures. In this monologue a boy decides that he will gladly take on that role. 

The Last Adventurer

 

" . . . . .The world needs me! Whether it’s hacking my way through creepy jungles, wrestling ferocious animals, slogging through grueling weather, or even (big gulp with nervous eyes) eating disgusting bugs, I can do it. (During this sentence, raise one hand up on discovering new lands, spread knees apart and crouch on wrestling ferocious animals, bring one hand up to forehead dramatically as if hot on grueling weather) (Pause and then say reluctantly) I’m even willing to rescue a maiden - as long as they don’t start following me around or acting all goopy. . . . . . "

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"Divatude"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

Is your young actress a bit of a diva? Can she dazzle with a bit of a "tude"? Divatude is another monologue that showcases that sassy, in your face attitude that shows casting directors that you have comedic flair and an attitude that goes on for days.

Divatude

"My teacher asked our class to describe our personality in one word. . . . . . . Me? I’m a diva. (Place hands on hip with attitude) I like a lot of attention and I like to do things my way. (Tap chest with one finger) But it’s not easy. I have to constantly be alert.. . . . . at cheerleading practice: "Time out! (Gesture with one hand over the other) This cheer is completely weenie! Go Team you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind? Puh-leeze! Are we 5? Look I’ll write a new cheer and stand in front of course. . . . . . . . .:"

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"Back to Nature"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

Surviving a "Back to Nature" weekend with your parents is not easy.  

"I’m home!  (waves to one side)   Hi TV.  I missed you. And Refrigerator.  (reaches out with other hand)  You look amazing.  I’ve been camping.  Or, as my parents like to say, enjoying a “Back to Nature” weekend.  About a year ago they went to a seminar and since then they keep wanting to make (ootsy voice) memories to last a lifetime.  We went to India for a “Back to Hinduism” weekend.  (shaking head) Cows are really not that fun to hang out with.  Then we lived underwater for a “Back to the Sea” weekend.  That was sort of cool until I almost drowned!  My sister did CPR on me AND I’m pretty sure I’ve been traumatized for life.  (shudder) . . . . . ."

 
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"MerBoy"      new!

Male. Age Range 8-12. Total Length: Approx. 1 minute.

The sea is being annoying and sometimes a MerBoy just has to get away.  Why should Ariel be the only one with legs? 

"Ariel was right.  Legs are pretty cool.  (wobbles a little shakily again before finding balance )   Kind of wobbly though.   But I had to get away.  The Sea is impossible right now.  Everyone is so caught up in the Triton Festival that I can’t even swim in peace.  I tried to swim over to the seaweed maze but the whales are all practicing their belly flops to see who can get the biggest splash.  They’re all: (say in surfer dude voice standing with cool attitude)

 
“Dude, I totally splashed that cruise ship.  Top that!” . . . . . . . . . "
 
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"Dear Fairy Godmother"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and a 1/2 minute.

A sassy Fairy Godmother reads the morning wishes.  

" . . .  Dear Fairy Godmother, Please let Justin Bieber fall in love with me.  (groans and rolls her eyes)   Not again!  (Sighs and in a loud tone of voice) Attention teenage girls of the world. . . . . . . . .  Dear Fairy Godmother.  Please let me meet a vampire who I can share true love with forever. Humans, listen to me.  Vampires are not nice.  No matter what you read or watch on TV. (grab your neck with both hands)  They bite your neck and suck your blood out until you are dead.   Why does no one think about these things?  . . . .   Please change me into a Superhero so I can join the Avengers.  Besides,  I would look cool with a cape . . . .   (Picks up wand and waves in air) Granted.    I hereby dub you . . . . . uh . . . . Squirrel Boy?  Frogman?  I’ll have to work on it. (gleeful expression as rub hands with delight) This is going to be so much fun!"

 
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"The Other Mermaid"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

Presenting Coral, The Other Mermaid, who is very frustrated with all the attention Ariel is getting and would like everyone to know there are other mermaids under the sea too. Sassy, AMAZING other mermaids named Coral!

The Other Mermaid

“Under the Sea. Under the Sea. Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me.” (Mermaid Pose) What? (Pause as if listening and then in a frustrated tone of voice) No. I am NOT Ariel. (Goes back to pose and then act as if listening again) No, I do not have a best friend named Flounder. (Again go back to posing while starting to seethe and grit teeth as you smile) No, I did not marry Prince Eric. (Start to pose again and then lose temper and stomp feet as say angrily) No! No! No! Okay time out. . . . . My name is Coral and even though I don’t have red hair, I have adventures too.. . . . . . . . . .(Place hands on hips) It’s time other mermaids like me got some attention. I’m brave - (dangerous, glaring expression) “Listen Mr. Killer shark. I like humans so move it. Or you’ll have to answer to me.” (Sweet, determined expression) I’m helpful - “Look, crabs and lobsters have got to stop fighting. A little Puffer fish almost lost a scale last night. Now pinch and make up.” . . . . . . Forget Ariel. Presenting Coral, the OTHER Little Mermaid."

 

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"Sparkle"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

It's not easy being a Fairy. Especially when you are attending Fairy in Training School. 

Sparkle

"I’m confused. Very, very confused. You see today was my very first day as a FIT. (Lean forward and stage whisper) Fairy in Training. I’ve been waiting for this day forever. . . . . . .But somehow, things didn’t go the way I thought they would. (Sigh) . . . . . . So tomorrow I must try to blend in more and act like a human. I feel more hopeful for I have discovered this wondrous thing called YouTube and now I know EXACTLY how to act. (Strike a pose with jutting hips and attitude and imitate Hannah Montana as you say) “Hey Dude. Let’s Party in the USA.” (Drop pose and say excitedly) I’m going to be the BEST FAIRY EVER!"

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"Just Call Me Charlie Brown"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

A young boy is having a very bad day. 

Just Call Me Charlie Brown

 

"I am having a terrible day. Everything is going wrong. At school the teacher said the most dreaded words in the English language. Pop quiz! (Grab hair in anguish) My mind went totally blank. And that was just the beginning. I spilled spaghetti sauce all over my new shirt at lunch so that I spent the rest of the day looking like I just got shot in the chest (grab chest dramatically).. . . . . . . I can’t stand it! I’m having such a bad day. (Resigned expression of doom) Just call me Charlie Brown."

 

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"Rockstar"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Is your child dramatic and outgoing? Full of confidence? If so, this is the monologue for you. Funny, funky and in your face, Rockstar is a monologue for a confident actor or actress who is ready to take over the stage. 

LONGER VERSION, approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes is also included in this order.

Rockstar

"Today, a girl at school called me boring. Boring? Me? I don't want to be the boring kid. (Straightening up with determination) Time to change my image. So, I've decided to become a rock star. (Strike rock star pose with guitar). . . . . . .I just can't decide if I should go all emo? (Actor drops to floor and caresses stage and in a passionate, sensitive sing song voice says) "You are the stage. . . . . . . . . Or maybe I should be more hardcore? .. . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

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"Little Red"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

It's not easy being Little Red Riding Hood. Sassy, spunky and full of charm, this monologue is perfect for a confident actress who enjoys playing character roles. 

A LONGER VERSION, approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes is also included in this order giving Little Red even more opportunities to dazzle and put the Big Bad Wolf in his proper place.

Little Red

"It’s not easy being me. I mean yes, I am absolutely adorable. (Actress poses with a sweet smile and a little sassy attitude in her body)  But, the problem with being known as Little Red is every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks he will be the one to finally capture me. . . . . . .Now whenever someone tries to capture me I’ll smile sweetly and say (Actress speaks in sweet, cutesy voice) “Hi there Mr. Wolf. Were you looking for me? And when he tries to grab me I’ll go (Actress kicks sideways in a karate type of kick and speaks in a tough, spunky voice ) Hi yah! Take that! No one messes with Little Red! . . . . . . . . "

Included in longer version:

"Wolf:  “Yes, I know I’m a wolf but I’m a tragic, misunderstood wolf.  I don’t really want to eat Grandmothers.  I’m trying very hard to escape my destiny.  And look I sparkle.”

Little Red:  Yea, right.  Hey Mr. Teen Wolf  wannabe.  Boo hoo.   Everyone has problems. At least you didn’t have to spend all Saturday afternoon chatting with the Three Little Pigs. Now that was tragic.  So just get over it."  

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"Boy Power"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

What is a boy to do when he's surrounded by girls? 3 sisters, 4 aunts, 12 cousins, a mother and two grandmothers. If you're the only boy in the family, sometimes you have to adopt DRASTIC measures. 

Boy Power

". . . . . . . I’ve tried to just ignore the (use quote fingers) “girliness” of my life but today the teacher asked me to play a girl in our school play. (outraged voice) Seriously? She tried to tell me I was the only actor good enough to do it, but this was the last straw! I am not a girl. (Clench fist and stamp foot in anger) So, I’ve decided it’s time to bring a little boy power into my life. I’ve made a list of ideas. (Pull list out of pocket) . . . . . ."

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"Goldie"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Goldilocks? A criminal? All she did was close her eyes for a moment. In this cute monologue offering emotions ranging from angry to sweet, Goldilocks attempts to explain what happened the day she visited the Three Bears.  

Goldie

What is the meaning of this? This article is all wrong. I am not a (actress looksdown and reads from paper) "Cute, blonde, criminal who has no respect for personalproperty." Criminal? That's not me. (Gesture at chest and then clench fists and stompfoot with each not) Not, not, not. (Take deep breath and smile) Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose my temper likethat. Let me introduce myself. My name is Goldie (giggle) and yes, I did fall asleep inthe Three Bears cottage but there was a very good reason for that.. . . . . .

 

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"Pageant Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

Being a full glitz Pageant Diva isn't easy. This monologue pulls back the curtain and shows the funny side of Beauty Pageants. Spray tan disasters, flying hair extensions and rhinestones everywhere! Sassy and full of fun, "Pageant Life" is the perfect monologue for the girl who just wants to be the most glamorous girl in the room. 

Pageant Life

"Let’s face it. It’s not easy to be me. Perky, Straight A student by day (pause and add with attitude in voice) well if we don’t count PE because hello? Who runs a mile in 88 degree weather? I refuse to do that to myself. (Roll eyes) Anyway, perky student by day and (strike a pose as you say Pageant Diva) Pageant Diva by night. And trust me, being a full glitz Pageant Diva is hard, hard work. . . . . . .there have been a few bumps along the way. There was the time I was getting spray tanned and Miss Maisie, my tanner, got distracted by a phone call from her son Bo. His pig Pugswallow was sick and Miss Maisie was talking him through CPR -(say with disgusted tone and then resume normal voice) which ewwwwww - and I ended up getting 6 coats of tan! (Hold both arms out from side as if getting tanned and then drop them as change voice to cringing as actress says with a rueful tone) I didn’t win that competition. . . . .But this weekend I am ready to take back my crown. I am glam - er - ous! . . . . . . ."

 

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"Purr-fect"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 2 minutes.

Told from the point of view of a cat, life is practically "purrfect" until the humans she lives with buy a puppy!

Purr-fect

"I just adore being me.. . . . I’m a cat of course and it must be said that my life is practically purrfect (roll r’s a little when you say purrrr) in every way. . . . . . then an utter disaster occurred. (Outraged voice) The teenager brought him a puppy! A puppy? Seriously? This house is Team Cat, not Team Puppy. But do they listen to me? Nooooooooo it’s all (speak in cutesy, wootsy baby voice) “Isn’t he adorable? Look at that little tail wag.” And the next thing you know I’m being followed everywhere by this bouncy creature who never leaves me alone and keeps drooling ALL OVER ME. (Gesture at self) . . . . . . . But today, somehow (voice starts breaking, quavering a little) the puppy got out of the house and ran into the street. And there was this car and . . . .So they have to fix him. (Stomp foot) I demand it. And since always get what I want, I’m sure the puppy will be home soon, bouncing and drooling everywhere again. Even gorgeous cats need an audience. Even if it’s a puppy. I mean, who else is going to tell me that I’m practically purr-fect in every way?"

 

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"Riding Fashionista"      new!

Female version. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?  A Fashion Diva goes to Riding Camp and can not believe her eyes!

"Finally!  I’ve been looking forward to Riding Camp for months.  Two whole weeks of getting up every morning and riding all day long.  (look dreamy)  Just me, my horse and the breeze flowing through my hair as we hit the trail.  (look around) Wow!  There are a lot of newbies this year. And hello?  (outraged voice)  What are they wearing?  Is that girl wearing a flowered dress?  We’re going horseback riding not having (speak in a British accent while pretending to hold a teacup with one pinkie lifted) “tea with the Queen”.  And excuse me?  Yes you (point finger) with the ripped jeans and the shirt with holes in it.  I know we’re outside and it is more casual but we’re not going to be rolling around in the dirt. (put hands on hips)  Have a little respect for your horse! . . . . . . . . . " 

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"Gifted"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Gifted, clueless and trying to survive science class.  A funny monologue exploring all the problems that come with a high IQ!

" An IQ over 160.  Gifted.  So much potential.  Your life is perfect. (big sigh) . . . .  I’m not like everyone else.   At school the classes are easy so I don’t always pay attention.  Teachers hate that. (change to sarcastic teacher voice)   Not paying attention again Miss Collins?  You’re going to end up on the streets, homeless and begging for food money.  (throw yourself to floor with one hand up and plead) “Please sir, can you spare any change?  I haven’t eaten since Tuesday.” (Stand up) That’s your future if you don’t (shout) PAY ATTENTION.    

 
And my social life is even worse.   Girls my age like (tick off with fingers)  new clothes, Facebook and something called a Bieber. (Roll eyes)  And since I don’t update my Facebook status every ½ hour, I’ve been labeled a (change to clueless voice) loser. . . . . . . .  Could someone wake me up when it’s time to start college?" 
 
 
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"Fashion Disaster"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A cute, funny monologue showcasing a loving relationship between a Grandmother and a young girl and the absolutely disastrous result of a shopping trip.  

 "Fashion Disaster"

 

"Look at me!  (Gesture at body) I am a walking, talking fashion disaster.  As Heidi would say (use German accent like Heidi Klum on Project Runway) “One day you’re in and one day you’re out.” (Roll eyes)  And I am definitely out! . . . .  It was hideously ugly.  But Grandma was ecstatic.  She kept saying (use ootsy Grandma voice) “You look adorable!  Wait.  Let me take a picture for my Facebook page.”  Facebook?  (Aghast face with big eyes and then say in an outraged tone)  . . . . . . . . . . Oh well.  I may be a fashion disaster on the outside, but I’m totally rocking a leather jacket on the inside. (Point finger at audience with a hip, sassy attitude)  And next time Grandma, I’m picking the clothes."
 
   

 

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"The Other One"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 2 minutes.

 It's not easy being the Other One.  When one of your older sisters is a complete brain and the other one is a dazzling star and you're just . . . . the Other One.  In this hilarious monologue, a girl tries to find something she is good at before her Grandparents come to visit again.  

" . . . . .  Every time Grandpa visits it’s always the same thing.   (act out Grandpa, changing face and big booming voice)  “Tina!  How’s my little Brainiac?  Have you won that Nobel Prize yet? And Kate!  My little Superstar!  You deserved an Oscar for that last performance. (clutch chest dramatically)   I was sobbing.”  Then he looks at me.  “And . . . .  and . . . my other little granddaughter! (do ootchy voice as if talking to a puppy)  How’s my widdle sweetie?”  And then he ruffles my hair.  (clench teeth)  Every single time!  I am so tired of being the “the other one”.  I  need to be something . . . . . "

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"Totally Me!"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

Life is not easy when your Mom is recovering from a broken leg.  Especially when you don't want to be put on the "loser track" at school.  But being a First Class Helper and a Straight A student? Totally me!

A SHORTER VERSION, approx. 1 minute is inclued in this order.  

Mother's Little Helper

" . . . . The next thing you know I’m slaving away dusting, vacuuming and picking up my brother’s dirty clothes - which ewwww - and things like that. It took so much time! And now I’m not prepared for my presentation. (Panicked voice that rises with each line in desperation) What if I fail? What if I get put on the loser track? What if I end up working at McDonalds asking “do you want fries with that” for the rest of my life? (Take a deep breath and settle down and then say with determination) Deep breaths in, deep breaths out. I can do this. I’ll just . . . . improv. Let’s see, my presentation is about the Middle Ages. People were uh . . . poor, dirty, they conquered things, went to church a lot,  . . . . . ."

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"Sleepover"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

 A light-hearted, funny monologue describing an epic sleepover, complete with Sleepover cheers, wretched little brothers and non-stop fun.  Vocal levels range from sassy to terrified giving an actress an opportunity to show a strong range.  

" . . . . . . . Then we watched Bring it on again because it totally rules and decided we had to create our own Sleepover cheer.  We only got as far as (say this in perky, cheerleader voice.  Can add in cheer gestures if you like pumping fist up into air) “We’re awesome!  We’re great!  Our Sleepover kicks your face.” when suddenly we heard this crashing sound in the kitchen. (Panicked, terrified voice)   Someone was trying to break into my house!  I grabbed a nearby statue and got ready. (brave, determined look in your eyes)  I could hear steps getting closer and closer.  (Gulp with terrified eyes) . . . . . Anyway, it was a great Sleepover.  (Pause and think) Although technically I’m not sure it’s actually a sleepover if you never sleep.  (Yawn) But now I’m soooooo tired.  I plan to sleep all day . . . . . ."

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"Vacation"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Is Grandma a spy?  In the witness protection program?  A look inside a young boy's head as he tries to write an essay about his summer vacation.  

LONGER VERSION, approximately 2 1/2  - 3 minutes with ZOMBIES is included in this order.

Vacation

 

"We’re supposed to write a two page essay on our Summer Vacation. Two whole pages! (Slump down in chair in despair and then stand up and come downstage) You know what I did this summer? I went to my Grandma Martha’s house. My Mom said this might be the last summer . . . . . . it sounded so exciting! . . . . .Or maybe she was actually a spy and this was her last chance to see her family before she left on a suicide mission. A mission where she had to get one vital piece of information before she was captured (drop to ground putting hands behind your back) and tortured for information. Go Grandma! (Give a little fist pump on Go Grandma and . . . . )

 

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"The Queen of Hearts (very nicely)      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 2 - 21/2 minutes.

The Queen of Hearts is holding a Press Conference.  And "very nicely" trying to describe her day. A hilarious monologue offering an actress a wonderful range of emotions.  

A LONGER VERSION, including the hysterically funny story of how the Nine of Clubs ruined the Queen of Hearts Tea Time, is also included in this order.  

" . . . . Greetings royal subjects, random people who I have no idea who you are and members of the Press.   Welcome.  My PR people have informed me that I’m not very popular.  They say and I quote “People find your anger off putting.  You know the whole off with their heads thing.  No one likes you.”  (Angrily) Whatever!  (Pause, take breath and give big fake smile again) I mean how terribly distressing.  So in an effort to clear up this horribly untrue image I would like to present A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE QUEEN OF HEARTS.

 
(Clear throat) The Day begins.  I wake up and my breakfast tray is not there.  Are you kidding me?  I - very nicely  - summoned my Maid and said - again very nicely - Where is my breakfast?  And she said (speak Maid’s lines in a British accent) 
 
“Oh mum.  There was a terrible accident in the kitchen.  The footman slipped and boiling water flew everywhere.  So breakfast was delayed.”
 
Normally I would say OFF WITH YOUR HEAD but I - very nicely - said OFF WITH THEIR HEADS; not blaming my maid at all. . . . . . . "
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"Summer Survivor"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Summer projects have never been so funny.  This laugh out loud monologue offers a young actor a chance to own the stage as he describes his mother's attempts to build his "character".

" . . . . . . . (Look at outside of envelope and turn it over squinching face up nervously)  I wonder what it’s going to be this year.  Last summer, she put me up for auction.  Seriously.  The highest bidder in the neighborhood got to win me for an entire week   It came down to old Mrs. Hart and little Emily Nelson. (gesture with hand to one side looking as if you are holding a pair of dentures gingerly)  Finding lost dentures (disgusted face) - she’s always losing them - or (gesture with other hand)  tea parties with Mr. Boo Boo - Emily’s giant stuffed moose.  (look closer)  Is she holding a dress?   (Say very firmly)  I am not wearing a dress!  Thankfully I was bought at the last minute by Mr. Ward.  Cleaning pig barns has never looked so good. . . .  Maybe (voice gets breathy with anticipation, eyes light up, looking into distance)  this year my Mom is finally going to let me go on the Iditarod dog race?  . . . . . . . . What?  (yells)    MOTHER!!!!!!"

 
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"The Prince Diaries (sort of)      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

A mixup at the hospital?  Not really Prince Edwin of Morovia?  Ridiculous.  A hilarious monologue perfect for a boy able to do both British and Southern accents. 

" . . . . . I am clearly the Prince.  I can bow with flair, (give sweeping bow)  converse with foreign dignitaries and (sway a little with hand on stomach) waltz divinely. (one handed gesture to side)  Can this Travis person do that?  (Angrily)  No.  He’s a buffoon.  He walked into the Palace, one of the most beautiful buildings in Morovia and said (speak with Southern hick accent) “Dang, this place is huge.  So where’s the big screen tv? Do we got any Doritos?”  (Back to British voice)  He can’t run Morovia.  He’ll start a war! . . . . . "

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"Maid for a Day"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 & 1/2 min.

Laundry? Washing dishes by hand? Cleaning her brother's room? When a young girl is assigned a list of chores for going over her cell phone family plan limits, hilarity ensures. 

A LONGER VERSION approximately 2 minutes, filled with even more disastrous chores is also included in this order.

Maid for a Day

 

"Why did they give me a cell phone if they didn’t want me to use it? But they went totally medieval on me, screaming about hundreds of extra dollars in fees. So, I had to promise to do this huge list of chores today. (Actress pulls out list from pocket and reads) . . . . .

Number 1. Clean my brother’s room. It was disgusting. (Make a disgusted face, scrunching up nose and act like stepping over mounds of clothing) I had to step over huge mounds of rotting clothes and empty food wrappers. And when I reached down to pull up the covers on his bed, his gerbil jumped on me. (Actress starts screeching and wiping at shoulders as she jumps up and down) Ew! Ew! Rodent! I have rodent feet on me! (Huge, shuddering sigh) And that was only the beginning . . . . . . "

 

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"Elfspeak"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Tough, sassy, and definitely not a cute little Disney elf.   This funny monologue from the play "The Laughing Phantom" offers a young actor a chance to demonstrate several vocal levels as he or she describes their life as the leader of the Bravo Hotel elfs.     

"Elfspeak"

"Once upon a time, in a beautiful country far, far away, there lived a handsome prince or princess.Once upon a time — the standard beginning of every classic fairytale. (Jumps down and struts to center of stage) Boring. Where’s the hook? Where’s the drama? If I had my way, all fairy tales would start much more dramatically ... cause being sneaky is what being an elf is all about.. . . "

 

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"Backstage at the Talent Show"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 & ½ minutes.

Full of fun voice levels, accents and a spunky in your face personality, this monologue gives a budding actress a chance to take charge of the stage. 

Backstage at the Talent Show

"This is Mandy Peters, your Backstage reporter for Channel 3 Student News. Tonight we are going to peel back the curtain (use one hand to make a peeling back gesture) and see what makes your fellow students tick. (Use mysterious tone of voice) What hidden talents lurk beneath the surface of the boy or girl sitting next to you in class? . . . . . . Interesting. Good luck with that. (Do a fake thumbs up with fake perky smile and then looks around) Wow, there really isn’t a lot of talent back here. Is that Rob Maxwell doing knock knock jokes? (React as if Rob has walked over and started talking to you) Oh hi Rob. No, I really don’t want to do a . . . no seriously I’m in the middle of . . . . .(roll eyes) Fine.(answer in a let’s get this over type of voice) Who’s there? Cows go who? What? Cows go Moo? That’s really not funny. Seriously. It’s lame. You can stop laughing now . . . . . "

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"Bus Stop"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

While waiting for a bus, a school child meets some “crazy” characters. Spunky and very funny, this monologue lets an actor use their face and body to shine in an audition.  

Bus Stop

On Tuesday, the “spy” rides the bus. I don't think he's really a spy but if he is, he's the world's worse spy. He is always coming up to me and asking if I have the microdot. Microdot? What's a microdot? I used to tell him no but (actor drops and rolls on floor and using prop to hide behind) then he would go ballistic, ducking and cowering away from snipers. So now I just make up a password and give him something. This week I used a banana peel and the password was “Dana's Dancing Dogs Did the Fandango”. . . . . .

 

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"Living With The Pet Whisperer"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

What's a wannabe cheerleader supposed to do when there is a horse in the kitchen, a goat in her closet and a monkey in the car seat? Living with her Mother, the Pet Whisperer is not easy and there's a very good reason she was late to cheerleading tryouts. Funny and loaded with personality, this monologue will help your child stand out and sparkle on stage. 

Living With The Pet Whisperer

"Am I too late? (Pleading expression) Please, please tell me I'm not too late.You see I was delayed by a tragic frog incident and I simply have to try out. I mean, I'mdestined to become a cheerleader. I'm perky, bendy, and who could resist my adorablesmile? (Pose with a huge smile) Why was I late? (Bites lip and looks nervous) Well yousee my Mom is sort of a Pet Whisperer and there was a box of frogs and a horse in thekitchen . . . . . . . "

 

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"How I Saved The World"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

What if you were suddenly "The One" needed to save the world? A funny, fast-paced monologue that offers a variety of voice levels and physical movements to emphasize your child's abilities. 

How I Saved The World

And, I am really fast which comes in handy when big, blobby things are trying to zombify you. (start talking like Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver and stand aggressively with attitude) “You talking to me? I said, are you talking to me? Bring it blobby!” (Duck head as if ducking a fist) Hah! Missed. “You know for a Big Bad, you’re pretty weinie. My grandmother moves faster than you!” (Change tone and talk normal, as in aside) Blobby evil things HATE it when you call them weinies. . . . . . .(Pause and look depressed) But today? Today I have a math test. (Look up) Hello? Universe? Can I please save the world again today? Please?

 

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"Afterlife"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 30 seconds.

A sassy Grandma is looking forward to the Afterlife.  This short monologue offers an actress to demonstrate her acting range.  

This monologue was featured in a book by Michael Rost.  

" . . . . Yes I’m dying but I am 85 years old.  I wasn’t going to live forever like some kind of zombie Grandma. . . . .   I want my sassy body back in the Afterlife.  I plan to sign up for a tour the galaxy and meet some aliens Afterlife or maybe the  . . . .  No sitting around on a cloud for me. . . . . . . "

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"Dancing Diva"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

A Diva's life is never easy. Especially when you are a Dancing Diva. This monologue offers an actress a chance to show spunk and attitude as she describes her life as a dancing diva. Dance skills are a plus but not necessary to perform this monologue. Fun, sassy and brimming with attitude. 

Dancing Diva

I’m a dancer. It’s all I ever wanted to be. (Actress brings hands to chest passionately) In fact you might say I live for dance! And I’m really good, too. When I walk into a room, everyone wants to be me. Which is why I was so upset to walk into the dance studio and see her. (Sarcastic voice) The new girl, (use finger quotes) Amy. Standing in my spot! I always stand there! (Use an how dare you type of voice level and then give a shrug) Oh well. I decided to just make the best of it and focus on the dance. (Depending on dance ability either strike a dance pose or sway in place) I let the music flow over me. . . . . . . . . .

 

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"Guardian"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

What is a Guardian to do when their Human is driving them crazy?  

"Sir?  I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if I could possibly be reassigned? (pleading)  Please.  I know I’m supposed to be guiding him to his ultimate destiny but (frustrated yell as grab head)  MY HUMAN IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! . . . . He does weird things.  Last week we went to a gathering where he dressed up as something called an Avenger.  He spent hours walking about saying: (raise hand in air and speak like angry god)  “ I am Loki of Asgard.  (point to ground)  Kneel before me petty man.” . . . . . "

 
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"My Dancing Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 11/2 minutes.

The perfect monologue for a girl who likes to dance.  Filled with energy and emotion, this monologue lets us peak inside the mind of a young girl the day a talent scout for a new kid's dancing show came to her dance recital.  Funny and passionate, this monologue is the perfect mix of dance and drama.  

"Is it posted?  Is my name there?  (Frustrated sigh)    How much longer is this going to take? (Dramatic face as tighten body on suspense line)  This suspense is killing me.  (Imploring, earnest vocal tone) . . . . .I was doing a beautiful forte (spin in forte) when Hillary crashed into me and the next thing you know (fall onto the stage) I’m lying on the ground while the rest of the class is still spinning.  (Brief panicked face)  I had to think fast so I did some artistic rolling on the ground, (dance roll with an artistic, dance pose with matching face) complete with an emo, angsty face and hoped everyone would think it was simply my solo. . . . .What if they hated me?  My life would be over. (panicked despair in face and voice)   I can see it all now.  Thrown off the dance team, living in my parent’s basement, working at McDonalds, (voice gets flatter) spending my life asking people if they fries with that.. . . . . "

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"Acting Class Lessons"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 2 ½ - 3 minutes.

An acting student describes the joys of taking acting lessons with character demonstrations and emotional choices that range from happy to nerdy to angry to heartbroken.  Mostly comedic with a dramatic element that can be taken out if you desire only comedy.  This monologue is suited for confident, talented actors/actresses or want to stand out from everyone else.  

*Shorter version available on request


 Acting Class Lessons

  " . . . .It’s Thursday night.  For some people Thursday night means a chance to drool over (sappy voice)   Dr. McDreamy.  “Oh Doctor look into my eyes.  Don’t worry about that person dripping blood.  He can wait.  After all, we’re (slight dramatic pause) Soulmates”. (Disgusted face)  Blech!  Some people can’t wait to see the Big Bang Theory.   (Speak like Sheldon Cooper, very prissy and nerdy) “I'm sorry, coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.”   

But for me Thursday night means acting class.  I love to go to class and  become someone else.  Because if you start acting like a schizophrenic maniac at the grocery store, they will ask you to leave.  But at acting class you get applause . . . . . "

 

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"Sisters"      new!

Female. Age range: 9-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What can a girl do when she has a perfect sister? This monologue offers a wide range of character voices and emotions as the little sister of last year's winner tries to perform in a local talent show. 

Sisters

" . . . . . This year my Mother wanted me to enter. So I decided to be completely different from my sister. I did a comedy routine. . . . . I did my funniest character voices. (Clueless voice) Like wow! I totally didn’t understand the question. (Twirling hair and looking blank) 2. (Nerd voice) Hi guys. (Wipe nose with sleeve and use a nerdy, nasal voice, crouched body language) Can I go to the mall with you? No one laughed. It was dead silent. I was ready to crawl off the stage when suddenly my sister stood up and started clapping and yelling Bravo! Bravo! . . . . . . "

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"Road Trip"      new!

Male. Age range: 9-12. Total length: Approx. 1 ½ minute.

Scarred for life!  In this monologue a boy describes how a family road trip may lead to a lifetime of therapy.  Full of personality and adventure, Road trip lets a young actor own the stage.  

Road Trip

" . . . . . Then we had a fender bender. The car was barely bumped but my Mother went full out Banshee, shrieking about her poor suffering babies. I’m 11! She kept shaking me and asking if I needed CPR because Uncle Tony knows how to do it. CPR from Uncle Tony? I think I’m scarred for life. And that was just the first day. There were THIRTEEN MORE DAYS of this. (Pause and say ruefully) Therapy. I’m going to need lots and lots of therapy. . . . . . . "

 
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"Field Trip"      new!

Male. Age range: 9-12. Total length: Approx. 1 ½ minute.

What could go wrong on a school field trip to the zoo?  Everything!  This monologue gives a young actor a chance to demonstrate his comedic skills as he narrates his disastrous day.  

 

Field Trip

" .. . . . . And that was the highlight of my day. (Counting on fingers) I lost my lunch money, I accidently walked into the girl’s bathroom, and to top it off, Ricky pushed me into the polar bear pool. I was terrified! (Terrified expression as you fall to your knees)I pictured myself being torn limb from limb as the polar bears feasted on my body. I kept screaming “Help! Someone help me!”(Big sigh as you slowly stand up. Spread arms wide and say dramatically) How was I to know the polar bear cage was closed for renovation?. . . "

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"Born To Perform"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 2-3 minutes.

Showing a wide range of emotions, "Born to Perform" is a showcase for talented young actresses. Filled with both comedic and deeply dramatic moments, this monologue focuses on a young girl who knows in her heart that she was born to perform. If only someone would give her a chance!

A SHORTER VERSION, approx. 1 minute, is included with this purchase.   

Born To Perform

 

" . . . . . .I pour my heart out on the stage and what do I get? (Sarcastically) Nice try. Shows potential. (Burst out angry and frustrated) I’m tired of showing potential. I want to be the one who wins and gets the part. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I’ll lose my MIND with frustration. Wait. (Light bulb moment as eyes widen) Lose my mind. That’s it! I could do a piece with a split personality. (Change voice and faces as you alternate lines here): “No. Yes. No. Yes. Sort of. No, not really. I think I do. No I don’t. Okay yes.” (Delighted smile) I love it! This is going to be so great. Why this might take me all the way to Hollywood. (Dreamy voice) I can see it now. My name in lights, fans asking for autographs, directors begging me to be a vampire or guest star on Glee .. .. . (stop and look paniced) I better start working on my Oscar acceptance speech. So much to do! But that’s what happens when you’re “Born to Perform.” (Shrug shoulders and then strike a sassy attitude as you say born to perform)."

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"Vote For Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

There is clearly only one choice for Class President. Sassy and full of attitude, this monologue will give a confident actress a chance to display her diva skills to the utmost. 

Vote For Me

" . . . . .My name is Fiona and I am running for Class President and, let’s be honest, I am clearly the obvious choice. Hello? Have you seen my opponents? . . . . .And then we have Troy Carmichael (gesture to other side) whose entire platform seems to be (use slacker voice as you say slogan) “Hey Dude, vote for me. I’m not that bad.” Not that bad? Not that bad? (Slam fist down) I refuse to settle for not that bad. Our school has to be better than that. I know I am. . . . . . Our class will be Fun - because no one wants a boring Class President. I’m proposing we change our school mascot to a vampire. Vampires are so in right now though I’m having a hard time choosing between Edward from Twilight and Stefan from The Vampire Diaries. Oh and no werewolves. All you Jacob lovers will simply have to move . . . . ."

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"Go Team!"      new!

Male. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

This laugh filled monologue of the first day as an ice hockey team member offers an actor the opportunity to demonstrate a wide range of emotions and voice levels including the classic Robert DeNiro "You talking to me?" line.  Perfect for a boy comfortable with physical movement and comic timing.  

 

"Team Member"

 

 
This was it.  (Hands on hips proudly)  My first day as an official Ice Hockey Team Member.  My dream come true.  After years of driveway hockey, endless hours of ice skating lessons (horrified face as you say the next phrase) and one horrible moment when I had to ice dance with Katie Myers wearing a pink ruffled shirt (hold hand out in blocking motion when you say do not ask) - DO NOT ASK - I was finally a Team Member.  (dreamy expression)  I could almost hear the crowd roaring my name.  This would be the most wonderful day of my life. . . . . . .  Yea, right.  (Sarcastic tone and then despairing tone)   This was the absolute WORSE day of my life . . . . . "

 

 

 

 

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"Pet Sitter"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 2 and 1/2 - 3 minutes.

Life is so unfair. Especially when you're stuck pet sitting 3 rabbits, 1 goat and 1 pig. This sassy, funny monologue lets animal loving drama divas shine and sparkle on stage. 

A SHORTER VERSION approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes is also included in this order.  

Pet Sitter

"Three rabbits, a goat and a pig. (Takes two steps forward and holds up fingers) That’s three rabbits, one goat and one pig. Am I at the Carnival of the Moon? (Over the top dramatic here) The Carnival I slaved over, saved my pennies for and obsessively counted the days till it got here? Am I stuffing my face with cotton candy? Am I riding a roller coaster and screaming in terror? No. I’m pet sitting for three rabbits, one goat and one pig. . . . . . . "

 

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"Duties of a Bat Boy"      new!

Male. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

A young boy's first day as a Bat Boy goes hilariously, disastrously wrong.

*Team in monologue is the Red Sox but permission is given to change the name of the baseball team and the name of the player mentioned. 

Duties of a Bat Boy

"Today was my first day as a Boston Red Sox Bat Boy. (Give big sigh and then slump shoulders in despair with big depressed eyes) And today was probably my last day as a Boston Red Sox Bat Boy. . . . .I had memorized all the duties of a bat boy and I couldn’t wait to get started. . . . . .Duty # 3: Play catch with the outfielders. I was determined (clench one fist for emphasis as you say determined) to do this one right. I was on fire, throwing the ball as hard as I could to Jacoby Ellison. (Pound fist into hand like a ball hitting a glove) I had one more toss before the game started, so I really ripped the ball at him. And (speak in horrified voice) I think I broke his hand. Me, the Bat Boy, broke Ellison’s hand. (Sink to knees) No, no, no. (Pounds ground with each no in despair) . . . . ."

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"Opening Night"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After auditioning over and over, a girl finally lands a role and faces her first Opening Night. This unique monologue includes tiny snippets of famous roles, offering a young actress a chance to display a wide range of talent. Perky and full of emotion, "Opening Night" gives an actress a chance to sparkle on stage. 

Opening Night

 

This is it! My first Opening Night! I didn’t think this day would ever come.. . . . . .And every time the answer was “Thank you.”  (Say thank you in dead flat  monotone voice) Not even a “We’ll let you know” or a “We’ll give you a call.”  Just a flat, sorry Spunky, it’s certainly not going to be you thank you.  (Stamp foot angrily) I hate that thank you!   But then, I finally got a “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”  And I knew!  I just knew!  That wasn’t a you didn’t get the part thank you.  It was a yes!  (Fling hands joyously in air) . . . . . . "

 

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"Longfellow Road"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Life on Longfellow Road is never boring. A cute, funny monologue that gives a child actor an opportunity to demonstrate a wide range of emotions including disgust, anger, sadness and excitement as the actor describes the some very unusual neighbors. 

Longfellow Road

"I think I’ve been scarred for life. My neighbor, Mrs. Madison was standing in front of her living room window wearing sequins and shimmying to Disco Inferno . . . . . . I really like my neighbors. (Pause) Except Mrs. Peth. (angrily) She is always yelling at me about something. (Angry, old lady voice) “Stop making so much noise.” “Stay off of my driveway!” . . . .. It makes me so mad! (Change to a sad, serious voice) But then one day I saw this picture. My Mom said it was a picture of her family before they were all killed in an automobile accident. And now she was all alone. (pause and then say quietly) I don’t get mad anymore. . . . . . I love my neighbors. Yes, they may wear Star trek uniforms to mow their lawn (roll eyes a little) but they make every day an adventure. (suddenly look out at audience excitedly) Oh look, Mrs. Ragland has her dog runway up. It’s the final for America’s Next Top Dog Model. I have to go. I can’t wait to see who wins! . . ."

 

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"Who am I?"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes.

3 distinct personalities are demonstrated in this monologue allowing an actress to show a wide acting range in a short time.   

"Hello, worker person?  I have a complaint.  I’m here on vacay and I must say this place is utterly dreary.  There doesn’t seem to be a pool and my activities calendar only has something called “group” on it.  Where are all the mixers?  AND I need to go shopping right this minute.  (indicate shoes)  I don’t know what I’m wearing right now but I’m assuming all my shoes were destroyed in a fire because ewwwwww.  (Sit on chair) Let’s go.  Snap, snap.  (Put hand up in air and snap fingers imperiously) . . . . . . "

 
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"Prep Time"      new!

Male. Age range 10-16. Approximately 2 and 1/2 minutes.

 A boy prepares for his first Teen Party.  

" . . . . . Mother.  Do I really have to go to this party?  (Act as if listening and keep trying to interrupt)   But . . . . but . . . . . you know I think it’s morally unethical for parents to threaten their children to get their way.  (Look in mirror and run hands through hair again) Okay, I can do this.  I’ll just be myself and talk. (Clear throat, overly perky)  “Hi Sarah.  Happy Birthday. Congratulations on getting older.  And uh . . . . your hair looks great.  Much better than when you were 12.”  (Groan)  That sounded terrible.  Maybe I should use an accent. Girls LOVE accents and I don’t think I’ve actually talked to Sarah since 1st grade so chances are she won’t even recognize me.  I could be a charming new foreign student. . . . . . . . (Italian accent with huge sweeping hand gestures) “Ma belle Sarah. You looka da great.  Your hair is lika da beautiful bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.” (Widen eyes in horror afterwards)  Spaghetti and meatballs? What am I saying? . . . . . ."

 
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"Facebooking"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Living life Facebook style.  This funny, modern monologue is dramatic, sassy, and full of fun as a young girl scrolls through her timeline.  

*Additional scenes featuring actual singing or dancing are available on request.

" And I’m updated. (Looks up in annoyance as she listens with head tilted slightly.) Yes Mom, I’ll be right there.  I just need to check my timeline.  (hold up finger)  One minute.  (look back at cellphone and scroll)  Hailey’s at the football game, Carrie is at the mall.  (concern crossing face as you look up) Oh no!  Amanda’s Grandfather died.  Aww. (look down and then look back up & say sarcastically) Oh cry me a river Trevor.  People can’t pay attention to you 24/7.  Stop whining.  (gasp)  Megan changed her relationship status to complicated?  I wonder what happened.  . . . . . )   Mom, I am updating my Facebook page.  This is very important for my social status.  I can’t help it they didn’t have Facebook in the dark ages when you were a kid . . . . "

 
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"Perfect Birthday"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

It's not easy to plan the perfect birthday party. This delightful monologue is a comedy showcase that allows a confident actress to demonstrate a wide range of comedic skills.

Perfect Birthday

......My reputation will be ruined! I begged. I pleaded. I threw myself to the ground (actress throws herself to the stage) moaning about my future as a sad, pathetic wallflower doomed to be ignored for the rest of my life. . . . . . . Now if I could only decide on a theme. I’ve narrowed it down to: A Gossip Girls theme - “I’m rich, (pose with an attitude) gorgeous, and make terrible decisions! (Actress should make some sort of yikes face with appropriate body language) But, I’m still gorgeous!” (Attitude pose again with big smile) Or a A Heroes theme- “Little do they know that I have the power to . . . . . . . .

 

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"Hello Twitter"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 1 and a 1/2 minutes.

A young girl gets her first twitter account.  Extremely funny and a wonderful showcase for a girl with good comedic timing.  

" . . . . .  Profile picture.  I love taking pictures.  (Hold up phone as if taking a picture) Should I go with a big smile?  (Smile and pose) Or maybe something more dreamy.  (Dreamy expression and then sudddenly sneeze.  Look down at phone curious and then look horrified)   What happened?  No, I don’t want that picture.  How do I change it?  Delete. Delete.

 
Great.  I have a stupid twitter name and a stupid twitter picture that makes me look deformed.  Oh well, at least now I can start following people.  (Type a moment)    Follow. Follow.  DEFINlTELY follow.  Oh look I have a follower. . . . . .   No, I don’t want to buy anything.  Seriously.  Could you stop following me?   (Start getting angry and frustrated)   Stop tweeting me.  Just GO AWAY!!! . . . . . . "
 
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"Package Delivery"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Delivering has never been this complicated as a frustrated UPS worker tries to deliver a package. Different voice levels, including a stuffy British accent, add to the fun.  

LONGER VERSION approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes is also included in this order.  

 

Package Delivery

. . . . I bet the people who live here don't have these kinds of problems. Probably the home of some hotshot Wall Street trader or something like that. Must be nice. What a life!

(English accent, very upper crust British) Good morning Jeeves. Would you mind fetching me a spot of tea? And the Grey Poupon?

(Igor accent, bending over like Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein) Yes, Master, whatever you say master. . . . . . . . .

(Suddenly notices someone watching)

Oh, hi. I'm uh . . . . uh . . . uh. . . . an actor! . . . . ...

 

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"Chez Roche"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 3 minutes.

Dinner at a fancy French Restaurant?  What was Dad thinking?  Funny and filled with embarrassing moments, Chez Roche offers a young actress a chance to demonstrate several different voice levels as she suffers through a family dinner.

*LONGER VERSION approx. 3-5 minutes is also included in this order.  

"This is not going to end well.  What was my Dad thinking?  It’s my Mom’s birthday and my Dad decided that we were going to celebrate by going to a fancy French restaurant. . . . . . . . At least he hasn’t given us the (change voice to sound like Dad) “Technology is ruining family communication” speech again.   I mean hello?  I’m sorry they didn’t have the internet back in the dark ages when you were a kid but this is the way people communicate now.  And besides, I totally communicate.  I sent him a frowny face yesterday when he called me even though I was in the middle of an extremely important Facebook conversation. . . . .  Amuse Bouche? Stuffed Escargot?  Roasted Goat cheese?   Is he serious? . . . . . " 

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"KCA"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 2 ½ - 3 minutes.

Hosting Nickelodeon's Kid Choice Awards would be easier if Justin Bieber didn't win EVERY SINGLE AWARD!

*Can be changed to different celebrity, with monologue adjusted, upon request

" . . . . .Let’s get started with your Favorite TV actor.  Our first nominee is the star of “Mystic High”. (Make dramatic faces as you describe the two girls)  Forced to choose between his high school sweetheart who was bitten by a vampire and became evil and the new girl in town who turned out to be a witch but not really that evil, let’s give it up for . . . . . . . (look at paper in hand and then say in incredulous voice)  Justin Bieber?  (confused, looking offstage)  Wait, is this right?  He has a television show too?   Okay then.   Your favorite TV actor is  . . . . . . (big announcing voice)  JUSTIN BIEBER.  And sorry guys no one else got any votes so we’re just going to move along. (pause and then gesture towards audience)  Someone give Taylor Lautner a tissue.. . . . ."

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"Blogger"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

A girl decides that a video blog is a PERFECT way to share her exciting life with the world.  

Blogger

"I’ve decided to start a video blog. . . . .  this morning I was getting ready for school and I caught a glimpse of Ellen on TV.   I love Ellen!  Anyway there was this woman, who on the day of her marriage, found out her husband to be was her long-lost fraternal twin.  (Voice starts to break)  It was so heartbreaking and I was crying (Voice gets more dramatic and over the top) and everyone was crying and then Ellen gave her a car because her life was ruined.  (Pause and then with very matter of fact voice).  So in conclusion you shouldn’t marry your long lost twin brother.  (Pause as if thinking)   Unless you need a car. . . . . . ."

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"BFF"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Approximately 1 and 1/2 - 2 minutes.

Being a BFF (Best Friend Forever) means sometimes you're standing in a line waiting to stand up and sing in front of everyone.  Even though you know it's going to be a complete and total disaster. Eeeep!

 

" . . . .  What if I stand up there and open my mouth and nothing comes out?   And I’m just standing there like this (eyes frightened, mouth open in terror). And then everyone in school starts laughing at me and my life is ruined forever. . . . . . . . Maybe I should think more positively.. . . . . . . . an agent sitting in the audience offers me my own show on Nickelodeon and I become a big star. (pose with a big smile as if having a picture taken)   And then I’d be off to Hollywood to make a movie and the next thing you know I’m standing on stage next to Jennifer Lawrence accepting an Oscar saying “Thank you, thank you, I owe it all to my first school musical.” . . . . . . Wait.  (Suddenly look panicked)  What if that does happen?  And I get a part and Amy doesn’t. Then she’ll hate me and tell me she doesn’t want to be my BFF anymore . . . . . . . . . "

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"Mirror, Mirror"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

"Mirror, Mirror in my hand.  What is IT about football?  I don't understand?"  

Trying to fit in and display the proper "team" spirit at school can be difficult when you are completely clueless about football.  Or any sports for that matter. Help!

 

" . . . . .  Today is the Pep Rally.  I have on my Team colors - which orange?  Seriously?  I look like a bumpy pumpkin.   And I’m ready to paste on my perky smile (big fake smile) and yell Go Team!  It’s either that or be shunned by the rest of the class since everyone in this school does nothing all day but (clench teeth) talk about football . . . . . . . . “Hey Dean.  So uh . . . see you at the game tonight?  Hope you hit lots of homeruns.  (eyes widen with shock) I mean touchdowns. (punches fist in air) Lots of touchdowns.  Go Team!” (Stop smiling as Dean leaves)   Great.  (picks up mirror again)    Mirror, mirror in my hand, any chance you could transport me to another land?  I hear France is nice this time of year.  (small nod)  And I’m pretty sure they don’t play football!  

 
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"Tweet Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx. 2 minutes.

What happens when a girl obsessed with twitter loses her tweeting privileges? It's a full scale disaster. Hip, funny and full of pop culture references, this monologue will help your young actress stand out in a crowd. 

Tweet Me

" . . . . It’s not fair! How can my Mother do this to me? It’s cruel and unusual punishment. (Pause and nod significantly) And probably against the child care laws. What was she thinking? My Mother actually grounded me from the internet. (Say as if you can’t believe it either) Seriously! I’m cut off from the rest of the world and have no idea what is going on out there. It’s driving me crazy! . . . . .That’s the magic of twitter. I can share every moment of my day with my followers. Yesterday I posted thirty five tweets because I had to describe every minute of my school’s musical rehearsal. . . . Hero: (say it in a surfer dude voice) Dude, let’s hit the road together. Ingenue: (say in clueless, airhead voice) Like whatever. (Small pause as you twirl hair) Miss Payton, do I really have to touch him? He smells like cheetos . . . . . . "

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"Kids For Sale"      new!

Male. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx. 1½ minutes.

Babysitting your little brother and little sister can't be that hard can it? 

LONGER VERSION, approximately 2 minutes and a Female version is also included in this order.  

Kids For Sale

"Does anyone know how to spell incorrigible? Two R’s or one? Hmm. (Looks exasperated and then scribbles it out. Holds up paper as he recites) Let’s see, 2 children, ages 6 & 8, one male, one female, slightly disheveled but healthy, offered to highest bidder on ebay. Contact Iamlosingmymind@gmail.com. (Stand up leaving paper behind on chair and give a “what?” look at audience) Don’t look at me like that. You don’t know what I’ve been through."

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"Shall We Dance"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

A young girl experiences her first ballroom dancing class. 

Shall We Dance

 

"When I was little, I watched the movie “The King and I” on television. And when Yul Brynner held out his hand to Deborah Kerr (hold one hand out palm up) and she sang “Shall we Dance?  On a bright cloud of music, shall we fly?”, (bring arm back and hug body as you sway back and forth) I knew that some how, some day, I would do that.  I (hand to chest) would become a ballroom dancer. . . . . . . My first partner was Mr. Gelnecki. (Hold one hand out tentatively) He must have been at least 75 years old with false teeth and this horrible musty smell. (crinkle nose) We were supposed to be dancing the tango (strike tango pose) but as he bent me backwards (lean back), his teeth fell out on my chest. (Look down in horror)  . . . . I really, really need to stop watching old movies." 

 

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"Smitten"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

One minute you're carefree and popular and the next minute you've fallen for a "geekazoid". This wasn't part of the plan!  Heartwarming and funny, "Smitten" turns one girl's life upside down. 

Smitten

"I just don’t understand why I’m such a smitten kitten. My goals in boyfriends have always been (count off on fingers) “tall, dark and Captain of the football team”. And Rob is none of the above. (Soften voice again) But when he looks at me, it’s like he sees the real me, hidden beneath (put hand out with an of course gesture) my admittedly wonderful exterior. (Suddenly think of this and panic) And I don’t even know if he likes me. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he does like me and my friends find out? (Shake head sadly) My life is over. I’m doomed. Completely and totally doomed."

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"Melisande: The ONLY Singing Siren"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

What happens when a Siren, a mythical being who has the power to lure humans with the sound of her voice, finds out about Reality Singing Competitions?

A SHORTER VERSION approx. 1 minute is included in this purchase.

*This monologue uses American Idol but it can easily be changed to The Voice, America's Got Talent, etc. 

Melisande

"......(Take a few steps, look around in wonder) It’s amazing what these puny humans have managed to accomplish. I was especially impressed with this delightful contraption called a television. But as I was watching, I saw something that shocked (shock reaction) me to my very core. (One hand dramatically to chest) There were actual humans (say the word humans with disdain) on something called American Idol who were trying to be Sirens! Like me! How dare they? I am the only Siren! (Dramatically bring arms up and then when you say the word crumble, one hand slowly forms a fist) When I sing nations crumble and all who hear me fall to their knees in wonder. This has to be stopped! . . . . . ."

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"The Secret Life of a Teenage Spy"      new!

Male. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

The glamorous life of a spy? Hah!  If only.  

 

Secret Life of a Teenage Spy

 

"Dana’s Dancing Dogs Do the Fandango.  (Puzzled expression) It’s the password.  You’re not Ivan?  Oh . . . . uh . . . . never mind. (Starts whistling and gazing around innocently.  Then look SR and SL impatiently.  Look at watch.)   Where is he?  I’m supposed to meet Ivan, my “counterpart”, and receive an intelligence report. And he’s late.  Now I’m going to be late picking up Katie Salensky for the dance and her Dad will kill me. . . . . . "

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"The World's Greatest Spokesperson"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

The first step to becoming the WORLD'S GREATEST SPOKESPERSON is the Career Day Interview.  Which goes horribly, terribly wrong.  

LONGER VERSION approximately 2 1/2 - 3 minutes is also included in this order.  

The World's Greatest Spokesperson

I was all set. It was in the bag. But somehow, (concerned expression) it didn’t turn out the way I planned. I was standing there, gracefully (pose) with my perky smile in place. And then they called my name. . . . . . (Start to walk out gracefully, smiling, trip, try not to fall, fall anyway, get up and finally stagger over to the podium. Freeze in place, smile, eyes big and petrified) My name? My name, right it’s uh . . . . .well of course I know my name, uh . . . My name(frantically thinking and finally yell first name)

  

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"Reciting Shakespeare"      new!

Male. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

A high school student is assigned an essay on Shakespeare.  Discovering Shakespearean insults and trying to interpret Romeo and Juliet give him a new found respect for the Bard.  Very funny monologue with some epic Shakespeare lines included.   

A LONGER VERSION, approx. 2 1/2 - 3 minutes is included with this purchase featuring Robert Downey, Jr's appearance as Iron Man to Hamlet!

 " . . . . . . .To help us get started Teach had us read Romeo and Juliet.  It was worse then when my little sister made me watch The Vampire Diaries and that was beyond horrible. (Strike a dramatic pose as recite) 

“Deny thy Father and refuse thy name or if not be but sworn my love and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”
 
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  From what I know about the play Juliet is all (say in girly voice when doing Juliet, deep masculine voice while doing Romeo)
 
Juliet: I love you.
Romeo: I love you too.
Juliet: My parents are freaking out.  I’m gonna kill myself.
Romeo: Juliet is dead?  I’m killing myself too.
 
People.  Make an emo post about your “complicated” relationship on Facebook and then GET OVER IT!!!! . . . . . . "
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"The Dressing Room"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 2 ½ - 3 minutes.

A Costume Girl prepares the Dressing Room for the Star and reviews 4 important Notes to Self.

1.  Try to speak like a normal person and not an idiot in front of stage stars.

2.  Do not break props.

3.  You have no career in writing plays.

4.  Learn your lines.

 *This monologue contains props and accents. 

"Okie Dokie.  I’ll get everything picked up in a jiffy.  (Drop smile and then give an embarrassed groan)   Okie Dokie?  Did I really just say okie dokie to one of the greatest stars in American theater?  Note to self:  Try to speak like a normal person and not an idiot in front of stage stars.  . . . . . . .

(Walk to table and pick up wand) Though I’m not to old to play Glenda.  (Sweet, ootsy voice) “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?  Remember follow the Yellow brick road.”  (Strike wand down on table and it should break in two or the top fall off.  Panic as you pick up pieces) Oh no!  What did I do? . . . . . . "

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"Teenage Zombie"      new!

Male. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Brains! Brains! Must have brains! A teenage boy is turned into a zombie.  But is still pretty cool. Except for that whole eating brains thing.  

 

Teenage Zombie

"Brains! Brains! Must have brains. (Actor makes attempt to stand a little straighter, shaking head and trying to focus) I have the worse luck. I really do. Take tonight for example. I went to the school dance and after dithering about for ages, I finally got up the nerve to ask Amy to dance. (Shake a little and then regain control) I thought who knows? Maybe she’ll say yes. Hah! I got shot down, big time. . . . . . Did I get thanked? Did I get rewarded for being a nice person? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I got bitten. By Mrs. Murphy! . . . . "

 

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"Cain't Say No"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 2 & ½ minutes.

Told from the feisty viewpoint of Ado Annie from the musical Oklahoma.  Southern accent is necessary.  Included is an optional chorus of the song "Cain't Say No" at conclusion of monologue.  

*Longer version available upon request.

 

Cain't Say No

"I am jist plumb confused. My life has mostly been perking along right nicely. Sure, I was always kind of small and puny (put hand out with a gesture for small) when I was a youngun but I was still (scrunch nose a little and say fast and feisty with a little attitude) fast and feisty. And iffen any boy gave me any grief, (snap finger at imaginary boy) I could always whomp em in a wrastling match . . . . . .My Paw told me I ain’t old enough to be a kissing boys. That if a feller tried to kiss me I should jist spit in his eye. (dreamy voice) But Slim, he was talking all perty saying my lips were like cherries . . . . . Course afterwards I had to punch him in his gut and run home . . . . . . . . "

 

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"The Road Test"      new!

Male. Age Range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

How can one simple little driving test go so disastrously wrong? 

The Road Test

 

". . . . ..I expected my Mom to be a little nervous. Probably nag me about the speed limit and telling me to brake 500 yards before I had to. Little things like that. No big. I was ready to be Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected. But this is what I got. (Change voice to higher pitch, frantic tones and gesture with body language. Big terrified eyes) “You’re in the ditch. Get over! Stay in the middle of the road. Wait, stop! Stop! That was a mailbox. You just hit a mailbox. Why are you looking at me? Eyes! Eyes on the road. Okay, so pull up to the parking bumper and stop. No! No! Not over the bumper! Look out! Brake! Brake! Brake!” . . . . . ."

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"Lucky"      new!

Male. Age Range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 3-5 minutes.

A Supernatural Private Eye?  Lucky does his best to keep the streets of Washington, DC safe from vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls.    

*Free shortening is available upon request

 

"Lucky"

 

Actor is leaning back on a chair, feet up on desk, fedora shading his eyes.  He looks up as the monologue opens and then walks to solo spotlight.  "Why hello.  I didn’t see you out there. (Gaze into distance) My mind was far away, dwelling in the dark, spooky side of town. Oh sure, Washington, D.C. looks bright and full of promise but that’s just on the surface. (squint eyes a little as you lower voice fo next line) Underneath, it’s teaming with supernatural lowlifes and creatures that go bump in the night.  (Cocky look) But I can handle it.  That’s my job. . . . . . . . . . . . .  Because if there’s one thing I can’t stand is a nasty ghost bullying some poor little kid.  So I tracked her down and she was all: (change voice and talk like a mean old lady with crouching body language, using hands as if spidery claws) “You’ll never stop me.  Those children deserve what they get.  I’ll show them what happens when they disrespect me. ”And I was all: (change voice back to Lucky)  “Take a chill pill Grandma.  You’re dead.  And leave these kids alone.” And then I banished her.  Lucky Penny 1, Vengeful Bullying Ghost, 0. . . . . . . . . . .And until the day the last slimey supernatural monster is vanquished, I’ll be out there too . . . . . . .The names Penny.  Lucky Penny.  I’m in the book.   (Tip fedora to audience and then walk back to desk and resume original pose)

 
 
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