Monologues : Comedy

Original, Contemporary Comedy Monologues for Kids and Teens listed in order of age.

"The Littlest Princess"      new!

Female. Age range: 3-5. Total length: Approx 30-45 seconds.

Short and spunky, this is the perfect monologue for a brand new little actress. 

A Longer Version, approx. 1 minute, which adds adorable commentary about Jack and the Beanstalk. is included in this order.

The Princess

My Daddy says I’m his little Princess.

A Princess? Really? I love being a Princess! (claps hands with little jumps) Princesses are always pretty, perky, and very, very brave. (Pause, tilt head and place hands on hips) I wonder why no one ever told me this before! Of course, being a Princess is a big responsibility. . . . . . . . . . .

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"Barefoot Ballerina"      new!

Female. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What is a little ballerina to do when her puppy eats her dance shoes? 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5 - 2 minutes, is included in this purchase.  

Barefoot Ballerina

"When it was my turn, I would step on the stage and pose. (Stand up on tip toes with arms curved overhead like a ballerina and then relax and be all perky and bubbly) I wanted everyone to see my costume. It’s so pretty!  . . . .  But now I can’t even dance! . . . . . . .Presenting Belle, the Barefoot Ballerina"

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"Skitter"      new!

Male. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A little boy is surprised to find out that his Mommy is afraid of bugs. Funny and brimming with personality, this unique monologue will help any boy own the stage.

Skitter

"My Mommy saw a spider this morning. She screamed really loud (Actor starts acting this out, pretending to be his mother. Jump up and down and point finger out at audience when you say it’s looking at me) and started jumping up and down yelling “Frank! Frank! Giant bug! Hurry! It’s looking at me! Frank!” . . . . . . . . "

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"Letter to the Tooth Fairy"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx: 1 minute

A young child offers some advice to the Tooth Fairy.

This purchase includes 3 different versions, 35 seconds, 1 minute and approx. 1 minute and a half, depending on your timing needs.

Letter to the Tooth Fairy

 

" . . . . . Dear Tooth Fairy.  Today I lost my first tooth.  My Mother told me that if put my tooth under my pillow, you would visit me while I was sleeping and leave me a dollar. . . . . . .   A dollar?  Seriously?  Can’t you do better than that? (Look up thinking)   Let’s see, what would I like? Hmm.  It would be fun to have a super power. . . . . . . . 

 

 

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"Tink"      new!

Female. Age range: 4-7. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Do you believe in fairies? Tinkerbelle owns the stage as she explains why you need to believe in fairies.  Sassy and cute with a great ending.  

*Also included in this purchase is a version that includes audience participation

Tink

 

"I almost disappeared. Me! Tinkerbelle! . . . . . . . repeat this phrase three times, “I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies.” And never forget. Fairies are depending on you. After all, do you really want to be responsible for this? (Actress gives dramatic fall to stage, coughs and “dies” dramatically. Then pops her head up and smiles and says) Remember, you do believe in fairies. (Actress smiles, winks and then lays back down dramatically)

 

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"Pet Detective"      new!

Male. Age range: 4-7. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A young boy finally figures out what he wants to be when he grows up.  Alert the Animal World! Cute, funny and full of personality.  

" . . . . . .Today we have to talk about what we want to be when we grow up.   What I want to be?  (Spread arms in a who knows gesture)  I’m 5 years old!  I have no idea what I want to be!  

    I didn’t know what to say (depressed voice) but then I remembered what happened yesterday.  My sister lost her pet gerbil Gina.  What a scene!  (Roll eyes)  She was sobbing and moaning (throw yourself down on floor)  “Gina is going to die!  She’ll be saying  (Talk in squeaky gerbil voice) “Water, water” (resume normal voice) and no one will hear her!” . . . . . . . ."

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"How to Stop the Giggles"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 4-8. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

A young child ponders how to stop giggling.  Full of impish fun, this adorable monologue is perfect for a performer with a cute giggle.

". . . . I giggle all the time. I guess you could say I’m a very happy person.  But my Mom says I giggle too much and in all the wrong places.  So I HAVE to stop giggling.  . . . . .  (Sad face dissolving into giggles).  I’m sad. I really am. . . . . . . ."

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"Barbie World"      new!

Female. Age range 5-8. Total length: Approx. 30-45 seconds.

A sassy monologue pointing out that Barbies are still the best.  Offering 3 different voice levels for an actress to demonstrate, this monologue is adorably cute!

A Longer version, approx. 1 minute,  is included with this purchase. 

NOTE:  You may request different Barbies than the ones described in this monologue and we will be happy to change it for you FREE OF CHARGE.  For example instead of Hunger Games Barbie you could request Wizard of Oz Barbie and we will change the lines to accomadate your choice.  

 "There are lots of dolls out there all hoping to be the next big thing. (spread arms and speak with attitude)  Puh-leaze.  There is only one Barbie.  Every other doll is just a loser wannabe. But Barbie has everything I want. . . . . . ..  Or the new Dancing with the Stars Barbies.  (sweep one arm up in the air posing elegantly and say in affected snooty voice) “I know I look fabulous dahling. Want to dance?” . . . . . . .  "

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"SuperBlue"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

The Blue Fairy is very tired of everyone lying to her.  So she's decided to become SUPERBLUE, The Avenging Blue Fairy.   

"  . . . . . . I'm the Blue Fairy.  Sweet (curtsy with big smile) adorable and I make your nose grow if you tell a lie. So why does everyone keep lying to me? 

 
  (twirl hair as you speak in clueless voice)  "Like I totally did the homework only my dog ate it."  (Change voice back)   Nose grows.  . . . . . . . "
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"A Dog's Life"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

It's not easy being a dog.  Especially when your Human wants you to keep chasing a ball  ALL THE TIME.  

" . . . . .  I’m not doing it. (shake head stubbornly)  Not this time.  (pleading voice, drop arms and gesture)  Why do Humans think that the ONLY thing I want to do in my life is chase that ball?   (Take one step forward)  Have you ever tried to put a ball in your mouth.  (puff out cheeks as you say) It’s not very comfortable.. . . . . . . . (tilt head)  Wait.  Do I smell hamburgers? (excited voice)  I love hamburgers.  (look around and then pick up ball)  Where’s that ball? (use slightly louder voice as if yelling back)  Humans, I have the ball.  It’s Skippipoo with your ball.  Can I have a hamburger?  Please?  Please?  (start to leave and then turn back and with a big grin say) I just love being a dog!"

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"That's me, Jill"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

What's a nursery rhyme character to do when ALL she is known for is tumbling after Jack? Jill decides she needs a makeover. 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

That's Me, Jill

" . . . . . . The problem is that everyone else has all the good characteristics already. Goldilocks is all sweet and innocent (say this in big innocent voice, with wide eyes and sweet expression) “Oh I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your bed, Mr. Bear.” Red Riding Hood is the brave one up in the wolves’ face (put hands on hips and say in a brave voice) saying “Hands off Grandma Spunky!” And Bo Peep has the whole clueless thing going (say in airhead, clueless voice) “Sheep? Like I totally lost my sheep. (Small pause) Again!” And so here I am. Stuck with being the clutzy one . . . . . ."

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"The Boyfriend"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Adorable monologue where a little girl tries to figure out a way to tell her parents she has a boyfriend.  Cute, funny and very age appropriate.   

3 Longer Versions are also included in this order.  

" . . . .  So I guess I have a boyfriend.  (smile, perky happy voice)   He brought me a cupcake for lunch and we held hands.  (scrunch nose a little)  His was really sweaty.  But then he tried to kiss me in the playground.  (disgusted)  Ewwwwww.   I had to punch him and tell him (shake finger)  NO KISSING!  That’s disgusting.  He said okay. . . . . . . "

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"Little Miss"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Little Miss Muffet does not like spiders.  And now everyone thinks she is a scaredy-cat.  This will not do at all!

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is also included with this purchase.  

" . . . . . . . Hello.  (wave)  My name is Little Miss Muffet.  (curtsy)  Yes, (sigh) that Little Miss Muffet. (singsong voice)  “Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey.” Which are really disgusting by the way but my Mommy made me eat it.  It’s supposed to help me get muscles. (hold up arms in muscle pose and look at arms as roll eyes)   It’s not working. . . . And I guess you know how it ends. (singsong voice)  “Along came a spider who sat  down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.”  And now everyone thinks I’m a scaredy cat. (mocking tone of voice) “Run away Little Miss Muffet.  (make an evil face with hands in claws)  Watch out or the Spiders will get you Little Miss Muffet.”  Errrr.  (clench hands in fists)I have to show everyone how brave I really am. . . . . . 

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"Big Girl Now"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A little girl simply does not understand why her parents don't realize she's a big girl now.  Cute, funny and packed with adorable moments.  

A Longer Version, approx. 3 minutes, is included with this purchase including a hilarious montage of possible careers.  

". . . . . . .Seriously?  Barbies are for babies.  (Puts hands on hips and then ask imploringly) Why can’t my parents see that I’m not a little girl anymore?  They keep treating me like a baby. Yesterday, I even had to have a tea party with my Dad.  It was horrible.  He pretended he was drinking tea and he kept talking to my stuffed bear.  (Use high squeaky voice) “Do you like your tea Mr. Boo Boo?  I just love my tea.”  (Pretend to drink with a big slurpy sound and then shudder)   I think I’m still traumatized. . . . . . .I may be only 8 years old but in my heart I’m totally a teenager.  I wonder if it’s too early to ask for driving lessons.  (Pose with big innocent eyes and cutesy face)  Oh Mom!  (Look straight at audience)  After all, I’m a big girl now!"

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"Mouseland"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Life in Mouseland has been sweet!  Lots of cheese, lots of nibbling.  But then the Mitchells bought a CAT! Life in Mouseland would never be the same.

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is included in this purchase.  

" . . . .  Life was truly sweet.  I loved Mouseland.  And then one day I heard the awful news.   (Open eyes wide with horror) The Mitchells had bought a cat.  A CAT????  I threw myself to the ground in despair.  (Actor throws himself down on stage and pounds fist on stage)   How could this happen?  This was a cat free zone.  And then, suddenly (sit up in terror) there it was.  The Cat!  I took a deep breath and prepared to meet my maker when the Cat said: (talk in surfer dude voice)

 
“Dude, what’s up?  I’m Simon.  Say. want to come with me & scare the neighbor’s yappy dog?”
 

The Cat didn’t want to eat me?  He wasn’t evil?  I’m very confused.  Life in Mouseland will never be the same.   (Sniff air) Wait.  Is that CHEESE?   . . . . . . "

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"A Star is Born"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After considering her career options, a young girl decides that being a star is the life for her.  Cute, funny, and loaded with personality, this monologue says "Hey, look at me!"

A Shorter Version, approx 30-45 seconds, and a LONGER VERSION, approx 1.5 - 2 minutes, are included with this order.  

 A Star Is Born


I’ve decided to become a star. Our teacher told us to think about what we would like to be when we grow up.
Some kids want to be teachers. Boring! Some kids want to be doctors. Cutting people open and seeing their guts? Eww!
And the boys all want to be cops (Pretends to hold a gun) “Hands up!” Or a firefighter. “Stop, drop and roll!” (Acts this out).

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"Fabulous Me"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A new baby in the house? No problem. Adorable monologue as a sassy little actress lists the rules for bringing up parents properly.  

Longer Versions, approx 1.5 and 2 minutes, are also included with this purchase.  

Fabulous Me

"Parents! (Big sigh) When will they learn? You see, there’s going to be a new baby in our house. Another little girl. My Mommy is worried that I’m going to be jealous and suffer (use quote fingers) “abandonment issues”. (Dramatic voice with spreading arms gesture) Puh-leaze. Do they know me? I know how fabulous I am. (Pause and think) . . . . . . Number 3: And always be adorable. If all else fails, bring out the puppy dog eyes. (Big innocent eyes) After all, how can anyone resist this face? . . . . . . . . "

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"Magic the Magnificent Carpet"      new!

Male or Female. Age Range 6-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute and 1/2.

The Magic Carpet speaks up.  Funny and packed with personality, this monologue will shine the spotlight on you.

*A Longer Version, approximately 2 minutes, is included in this purchse.

"I’ve been rolled up in a closet while the Sultan’s relatives visit. . . . . .  The kids are ALWAYS asking me to give them a ride. And because I’m a nice Carpet, I do.  But this is what I have to put up with. (talk like a bratty kid.  Scrunch face up and whine) “Go faster, faster!  You’re too slow.  This is boring.  Stupid carpet.” But I don’t think they’ll be asking for any rides in the future since I (draw the word accidently out with emphasis) accidently dropped the last kid into the palace moat.  (Big smile and then look innocent) What?  (spread arms)  There was a wind current.  NOT MY FAULT. . . . . . . "

 

 
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"Fairy Ellie"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

It's Assignment Day for Faires and Ellie can't wait to find out what type of Fairy she's going to be. 

 " . . . But the absolute worse fate would be to be assigned as a Tooth Fairy.  (Incredulously)  Spending my entire life picking up dirty, grungy teeth?  (Firm and with attitude) I don’t think so.  (Look up nervously)  Here they come.  The suspense is killing me.  (Pause and bite lip nervously)  . . . . . ."

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"Cake Princess"      new!

Female version. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 30 - 45 seconds.

Look out Cake Boss.  The Cake Princess is taking over your title!

A Longer Version, approx 1- 1.5 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

"Butter, sugar, flour (counting off on fingers and then eyes widen)  Wait!  Where are my eggs? (Look around and then with wide shocked eyes say)   Logan!  Stop juggling my eggs.  Those are for my cake.  (clench fists and mutter)  Brothers. . . . . . .I know I’m going to win First place at the Baking contest.  Fame, fortune and Top Chef are right around the corner . . . . . . . . "

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"Dinoboy"      new!

Male. Age range: 6-9. 1 minute version.

A quiet student by day, a superhero by night. Dinoboy travels back in time, with his trusty sidekick T. Rex Bob, to watch over the dinosaurs and save the world from time traveling bad guys. 

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 - 2 minutes is also included in this order.

 

"Little do my parents know, but I lead a double life. Quiet student by day (look innocent) and superhero Dinoboy by night. (Hands on hips, standing proudly) . . . . . . .

Bob . . . . . . gets easily distracted from our missions. I blame it on his tiny, pea-sized brain.. . . . .

It’s not always easy but I am Dinoboy. (Pose with hands up hips, head up in brave, superhero manner and then look offstage as if you hear something.   Big eyes.) Oops!  I forgot to put my toys away.  Coming Mom!  (Start to leave and then turn back to audience and put finger to lips)   Remember, it’s our secret."

 

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"Little Boy Blue"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Boy Blue has big plans to become Little Boy Black, Mother Goose SUPERHERO.  If he could only sell this silly horn.  

" . . . .  I’ve decided to become (do a dramatic twirl in a circle) LITTLE BOY BLACK.   And instead of some woosy horn say hello to Mr. Crossbow.  I mean what good is a horn anyway? You blow it, people come running (fling hands up in air sarcastically)   Woo Hoo.  But with a crossbow, I’m a hero.  “Ka pow!”  Swallow this Mr. Wolf.  “Ka ching!”  In your eye Mr. Troll. .  . . . . . . "

 
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"The Yes Mouse"      new!

Female. Age range 6-12. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes.

Minnie is so very tired of being a yes mouse.  Of standing in the background smiling while everyone is looking at Mickey.  It's time to say No Mickey!  Cute, adorable monologue with alot of vocal ranges for a more modern Minnie.  

"No!  No Mickey!  No, no, no!  (Stop looking angry and look determined) There.  That wasn’t so hard.  I can do that. I’m so tired of being (cute pose) “Sweet Minnie Mouse”.   All I ever say is (give big smile) “Yes Mickey.  Of course Mickey.  (Clap hands) That sounds wonderful Mickey.”  . . . . . . . . . .    Yes Mickey, I’m ready to go.  (Sigh and start to walk and then determinedly stop and repeat the stomps as you say the no lines again)  No!  No Mickey!  No, no, no!  I don’t think you look nice.  That bow tie looks silly.  I am not going to the photo shoot.  I have my own plans today.  I’m going to go . . . um . . . . . . SKYDIVING!  And other dramatic things . . . . . . . . "

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"Bunnyhood"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

In an effort to improve bunny/human relations, a young bunny explains the Basics of Bunnyhood.  

"Put me down!  Careful, careful, watch the ears!  No (shake head) I do not want a 

carrot.  I’m good.  Now hop along.  (make shooing hand motions).  Bye! (Wave hand and then say with frustration)  Humans!  They’re so needy.  Ever since I moved here from the farm, they never leave me alone.  Always watching me, picking me up - (very dramatic) I need my space! . . . . . . . .So, in an effort to improve bunny/human relations I have prepared the Basics of Bunnyhood.  (clear throat and hold one finger up) . . . . "
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"YouTube Diva"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes.

In this monologue a girl decides that becoming a YouTube star is the perfect path to fame. 

A Shorter Version, apppoximately 1 minute, is also included in this order. 

YouTube Diva

It's time for me to become a star. I mean, I love to act. It's my all-consumingpassion but lately everybody else seems to be becoming famous before me. What's upwith that? Clearly, I need to step up my game.

I considered my options. I'm a little too young to go on a reality show though I would totally winAmerica's Next Top Model. (Actress does a short runway walk and poses)I own fierce! (Actress does a fierce model face)

I could be discovered by Disney. I'm cute, I'm perky . . . . . . . . . . . .

Yes, that's the answer. I'll post a video on Youtube. Why, I'll be famous beforeyou know it. Look at me! Youtube Diva. (Actress strikes a dramatic pose).

 

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"The Stepsister"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Approx. 30 seconds

A cute, funny monologue that allows you to demonstrate several different emotions (sarcasm, anger, happiness, surprise, pride) for an audition/casting agent in only 30 seconds.  

" . . . . . Great.  Not only does my Mom have a new husband but now she has a brand new daughter to pay attention to. (undertone of anger)   I hate my stepsister already . . . (Look up as if seeing someone) Wait is that her? . . . . . . "

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"Rules of Supernatural Life"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

An Elf. Stuck in Supernatural School With a long, long list of rules. "Rules of Supernatural School" is very funny and the perfect monologue for the actor who has the ability to be very dramatic. 

 

" . . . . . . (Whining)  Too many rules. The list goes on and on.  So please. (pleading tone with hands clasped imploringly)  I’m begging you. Stop loving the Supernatural.  Don’t buy the books.  Don’t watch the movies. We are not cuddly. (stamp foot) We are sneaky and scary and you should run.  After all, an angry elf is not to be trifled with. (Hands on hips with fierce expression) That’s my Supernatural Rule.  Don’t mess with an angry elf. (Pause) Please?" 

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"The Story of Jack"      new!

Male. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Jack is sooooo tired of having to fetch another pail of water. Jack, from the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill, is hoping today he FINALLY has an adventure. 

" . . . . Every day I keep hoping that this will be the day I’ll FINALLY have an adventure.  (look around stealthily) Maybe today bandits will attack us and grab Jill demanding all our money.  I’d be so cool.  (stand with swagger)   I’d be all “Dude!  Wazzup?  (wink) Nice day for a robbery.”  And then I’d casually saunter closer (take a couple of steps)  and then Hai Yah!  (Jump and do karate kick while yelling Hai Yah) Ka Pow!  (Do quick fist, fist punch)   That will teach you to mess with Jack.  Jack 1, Bandits 0. . . . Or . . . . . . . . . maybe when we got to the top of the hill, the well would be surrounded by slithering snakes.  And Jill is screaming and going (change voice so you sound like Jill and jump up and down all scared and frantic) “Ew, snakes.  Ewww, Jack, Do something!” . . . . . . . 

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"Gretel"      new!

Female version. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

That Hansel.  Always exaggerating.  In this hilarious monologue, Gretel sets the story straight about what really happened with the Witch and the Candy House.

A Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

"Hello. Would you like a piece of candy?  I’ve got plenty. (wrap lollipop in paper and put in pocket as you say the next line)  Just one of the perks of knowing someone with a candy house. (smile and then tilt head as if listening)  Tried to eat me?  (make a disgusted face)  Eww, gross. What are you talking about?  (listen and then roll eyes) Oh please, don’t be silly.  That’s not what really happened.  (place hands on hip)  Hansel!  What have you been telling people? . . . . . . . .  Hansel broke off a piece and took a bite.  BIG MISTAKE!  (Shake head) Witches do NOT like you eating their houses.  Fortunately for Hansel, (place hands on chest) I know how to treat a witch.  (say the word number one holding up finger

1. Grovel.  (fall to knees and do a salaam) We are so, so sorry. Please forgive us oh glorious one. . . . . . . "

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"Just Call Me Bo"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Bo Peep is tired of being known as the clueless airhead who keeps losing her sheep. In this sassy, funny monologue, Bo Peep decides it's time to change her image. 

A LONGER VERSION approx. 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this order.  

Just Call Me Bo

 

"Alright, that’s it! I have had enough. I am tired of being known as (change angry expression to big, innocent eyes, clasp hands in front of you and say in sing song voice) “Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep.” (Change voice back to sarcastic tones and put finger up as you enunciate letter very clearly) FYI, I did not lose my sheep NOR am I a clueless air head like everyone thinks. If you want to talk air heads you should see Goldilocks. She’s all (change to clueless voice as you tilt your head and twirl a lock of hair) “What chair am I supposed to sit on again? I like totally forget.” (Change voice back to frustrated) And she says that EVERY SINGLE TIME she goes to the Three Bears. . . . . . ."

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"Circus of Wonders"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A girl presents her bedroom, also known as THE CIRCUS OF WONDERS.  Okay maybe it's not actually a circus but if you plan to be a ringmaster - or own your own talk show someday - it never hurts to practice. 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and girls! Welcome to the Circus of Wonders! (Say Wonders in a breathy, awwww tone of voice and then giggle) Actually it’s my bedroom but I like to pretend it’s a circus.  I’m going to be a Ringmaster some day, or (tilt head) maybe a talk show host, and I have to practice . . . . . . Finally, don’t forget to stop at Scooterland where you can hop aboard and experience all the wonders of Suburbia.  But please keep your hands inside the scooter when we pass the home of the Terrifying Toddlers or you could end up covered in Peanut butter and jelly. . . . . . . "

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"But I'm a Princess!"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Being a Princess is not as great as it sounds.  Funny and full of great character voices, this monologue is perfect for actresses with great stage presence and comic flair.

 

"  I’m a Princess.  (pout a little and then say) Seriously! My parents, the King and Queen, give me anything I want. (count off on your fingers) A pony, the latest Iphone, a closet full of designer clothes, my own water park, (spread arms) anything my heart desires.  It all sounds great doesn’t it?  Trust me, it’s not.  (Clench fists in anger)  I hate being a Princess!  I never get to go anywhere alone, everyone pretends to like me even if they really hate my guts and people won’t stop bowing which means I have to keep curtsying. (Curtsy two times)   My back hurts and I’m starting to get dizzy.  (Rub back then get dreamy far off look in eyes). . . . . . . "

 

 

 

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"The Little Goddess"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Life as an Egyptian Goddess would be awesome if your parents would ever let you actually do anything!  

"Finally!  I thought that trip down the Nile would NEVER end.  I love my family but they are always arguing.  Who’s the most powerful God?  Who has the best animal head? (lean forward as if telling a secret) I voted for the Cat Head but don’t tell Anubis.  He’s so touchy.  And every single day Ra had to jump up on the edge of the barge and yell “I’m the King of the world!” (Spread your arms in the Titanic pose).   It’s so embarrassing.  (roll eyes) . . . . But every time I mention taking up my goddess duties, my parents just pat me on the head and tell me to go ride a camel and to stop bothering them.  But some day I’m going to be the best goddess ever! . . . . . 

 
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"Grumpy"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Grumpy the dwarf just wants EVERYONE to stop taking his picture.

LONGER VERSION where Grumpy discusses a Disney promo and gives his hilarious impression of a Disney Princess is now included.  

"Stop taking pictures!  Go away!  (Unfold arms) No, I am not cute and cuddly when I get grumpy . . . .  . . . . . Why am I so popular?  I just don't get it.  I'm Grumpy .  . . . Oh no.  More tourists.  Quick Grumpy, think evil thoughts so they will go away. (Make grumpy, evil faces as you say each name) Let’s see. . . . . . Justin Bieber . . . . .  Brussel sprouts . . . . . . . Lawyers! . . . . . . "   

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"Let it Go"      new!

Female. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 and a 1/2 minute.

Where are all the normal looking Princesses?  Why do people just suddenly burst into song? And why is our Chorus Teacher making us sing that song?  No, no, not THAT song!  

" . . . . . . . And they ALWAYS have to be rescued by a Prince. Every single time.  The Princess usually starts brave.  (Put hands on hips)   “I’m the Princess, I must save the day.”  But one scene later and it’s (look around terrified as you speak with a quavering voice)  “Help me.  Save me Prince Charming, Prince Eric, Prince whatever your name is.” What a bunch of weinies!   Save yourself! . . . . . . . ."

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"Man of the House"      new!

Male. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Man of the House? Does that mean shaving? Driving? A young boy tries to imagine what his life is going to be like as the Man of the house. 

Man of the House

.....my Mom told me that now I'm the man of the house. The man? Me? (grab chestwith both hands).

Does that mean I have to take over everything my Dad use to do? (pace back and forth). . . . . . . .

I guess I'll have to start watching football and yell atthe tv a lot. (Yell and point finger threateningly) Hey Ref! Are you blind? That guywas clearly (pause and try to think of a penalty in football) uh . . . clearly . . . . doingsomething really bad! . . . . . .

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"The Loneliest T-Rex"      new!

Male. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 - 1 ½ minutes.

A lonely T-Rex tries to find ways to get the other dinosaurs to play with him in this hilarious monologue.  

" . . . . . . I don’t see why I can’t play with other dinosaurs. Maybe I’m not asking right.  I do have a very tiny brain. (look up and wave) Hi Ricky!  (Quickly turn head as you wave again as if someone has ran past you very fast) Bye Ricky!  That was Ricky the Raptor.  He’s really fast.  And totally cool.  Everyone likes Ricky  . . . . . .Maybe I should add some swag? (Sound really cool bouncing a little with swag and attitude) “Yo!  Steggie! (Point with attitude)  Love the spikes!” . . . . . . . . 

 

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"Practically Twins"      new!

Female. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ - 2 minutes.

There's a new baby sister in the house. A cute, funny, warm monologue where a big sister pictures what her life will be like now that she has a new baby sister. 

Practically Twins

" . . . . And of course, we’ll have to dance together. I love to dance. I can picture us now, floating onstage in something long and white. (Flowing arm movement) In perfect unison we raise our arms up and pirouette. (Actress raises arms in air and turns gracefully and then facial expression changes as another idea crosses her mind) But what if she ends up a better dancer than me and I get so nervous I mess up my arabesque and crash to the ground. (Actress starts to perform an arabesque and wobbles with nervous face before falling to ground) And I’m lying there humiliated as the audience cheers wildly for her because she’s so cute and they all laugh at me. That would be terrible! (Big eyes before standing up and acting all cool) On second thought, we should probably just do solo dances. That way everyone will love both of us. Everyone would be cheering and taking our picture (strike a couple of poses) and I would be so cool and say (using a bit of a clueless girl voice and twirling one strand of hair) “My little sister is just like me. It’s the whole twin thing. Like we’re both totally awesome.” . . . . . ."

 

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"Behold Your Prince"      new!

Male. Age Range 7-12 yrs. Total Length: 1½ minutes

It's not easy being a Prince.  Where are all the dragons? 

A Shorter Version, age range 5-8, approx 45 seconds and a Longer Version, approx. 2 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . It was different back in the olden days.  Princes got to have lots of adventures. They would slay dragons (swings imaginary sword in the air), fight giants (doubles fist in air and jabs a few times), and save the kingdom from evil invaders.  Because there was always someone sly and sinister who pretended to be your friend but was secretly trying to take over the kingdom.  But they would never get past me.  I can picture it all now.  

(Brave, superhero face and stance, heroic voice)“Why hello, my trusted companion.  How are things in my kingdom today?”

(Sneaky, evil face with crouching body stance, sneaky voice) “All is well your majesty.”

(Brave, hero voice) “Then why are your evil minions trying to sneak into my castle?  (Give a karate kick) Hi yah!  (Pose again with hands on hips) Guards!  Take this traitor away!" . . . . . . "

 

 
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"No Internet?"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 30 seconds.

No electronic devices allowed at camp?  Are they SERIOUS?  A short, sassy and very funny monologue for competitions or auditions where you are only allowed 30 seconds.  

" . . . . . How do they expect me to function without the internet?  (roll eyes)  It’s like living in the Dark Ages. (raises hand and waves)  Hello?  Counselor person?  We have a problem. . . . . . "

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"Little Lamb"      new!

Female. Age range 8-12. Approximately 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Mary had a Little Lamb is now trending on twitter.  She loves her little lamb but she keeps following her EVERYWHERE.  Our newest Nursery Rhyme Monologue is very funny and full of wonderful character moments.  

" . . . .Yesterday she followed me to school and it was a disaster. (wide eyes with unhappy face)  The teacher, Mrs. Jack Sprat, glared at me and the kids wouldn’t stop laughing.  (Point finger as if a school kid and make the baaa words sound like a lamb baaaaing)

 
“Hey Mary!  Did you give your lamb a baaaaaaaaaaath?” (Point other way)
 
“Don’t look baaaaaaaack.  There’s a lamb following you.”
 
They posted pictures on Facebook and I heard that “Mary had a Little Lamb” was trending on twitter.  (Big sigh) What a mess. . . . . . . "
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"Starbucks Addiction"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

One sip of Starbuck's Cotton Candy Frappucino and a Starbucks addiction is born.  But how to pay for it?  Cute, funny monologue for a bubbly personality.  

"Today I discovered Cotton Candy heaven.  One sip of Starbuck’s Cotton Candy Frappucino and I understood why my Mom HAS to stop at Starbuck’s every day. Now I need to stop at Starbuck’s every day.  But does my family support my new addiction? (shocked face)  No! My Mom told me I can have all the Cotton Candy frapps I want as long as I pay for it.  My brother had a laughing fit and my Dad wants to sign me up for therapy for my (change voice as you say strange & disturbing) “strange and disturbing addiction”. (sarcastic) Thanks for all the support family. . . . . . . . . "

 

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"Saving the World: One Adventure at a Time"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Someone has to have adventures and laugh in the face of danger.  Full of energy and laughter, this monologue is a great platform for an actor with lots of personality.   

 

" . . . . Besides, I already know what I want to do with my life.  (Stand with hands on hips, confident expression)   I’m going to become a famous adventurer.  As far as I can tell, no one has adventures anymore.  The world needs me! . . . .

 . . . . . . . I'm even ready to stand tall and laugh in the face of danger, no matter what it is.  I can see it all now.  I'll pretend to play along and make some snarky wisecracks just to show how cool I am (cock head with cool expression) But suddenly (bring arms dramatically forward)  I'll escape and totally whomp Mr. Big Bad.  (pause and look thoughtful) I should probably learn karate.  . . . . . . . ."

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"The Cool Kid"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute

Another new school.  Being the new kid AGAIN.  The only solution?  Being the cool new kid. Everybody likes the cool kids.    

" . . . . And on and on and if you answer one thing wrong, you’re branded as a geek or weirdo. I refuse to go through that again.  I have to become cool.  Everybody likes the cool kids. (Hold one finger up)  

    Step 1.  Look cool.  I ripped up my jeans and I borrowed my brother’s hair gel.  (Touch hair with expression of disgust on face)  It feels like a cat threw up on my head, but I totally look cool. . . . ."

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"Divatude"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minutes.

Is your young actress a bit of a diva? Can she dazzle with a bit of a "tude"? Divatude is another monologue that showcases that sassy, in your face attitude that shows casting directors that you have comedic flair and an attitude that goes on for days.

A Longer version, approximately 1.5 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

Divatude

"My teacher asked our class to describe our personality in one word. . . . . . . Me? I’m a diva. (Place hands on hip with attitude) I like a lot of attention and I like to do things my way. (Tap chest with one finger) But it’s not easy. I have to constantly be alert.. . . . . at cheerleading practice: "Time out! (Gesture with one hand over the other) This cheer is completely weenie! Go Team you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind? Puh-leeze! Are we 5? Look I’ll write a new cheer and stand in front of course. . . . . . . . .:"

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"The Cat in the Hat is Back"      new!

Male/Female. Age range: 8-12. Total Length: Approx. Length: 1 minute.

The Cat in the Hat is a bit confused.  Why can't he rhyme? Did Thing 1 and Thing 2 shrink his brain?

“Look at me.  Look at me now.  It’s fun to have fun so . . . . . . .”   So......... So go buy a cow?   (Shake head looking confused)  No, that’s not right.  So everyone meow?  No, that’s it either. (grab head) Why can’t I remember?  (looks down and eyes bug out) And why am I so small? Did someone shrink me?  Thing 1, Thing 2, where are you? . . . . . . . . . . . " 

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"Back to Nature"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

Surviving a "Back to Nature" weekend with your parents is not easy.  

"I’m home!  (waves to one side)   Hi TV.  I missed you. And Refrigerator.  (reaches out with other hand)  You look amazing.  I’ve been camping.  Or, as my parents like to say, enjoying a “Back to Nature” weekend.  About a year ago they went to a seminar and since then they keep wanting to make (ootsy voice) memories to last a lifetime.  We went to India for a “Back to Hinduism” weekend.  (shaking head) Cows are really not that fun to hang out with.  Then we lived underwater for a “Back to the Sea” weekend.  That was sort of cool until I almost drowned!  My sister did CPR on me AND I’m pretty sure I’ve been traumatized for life.  (shudder) . . . . . ."

 
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"A Pirate's Life is NOT for me"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes

Ben does NOT want to be pirate.  Oh sure his Dad is a pirate and his grandfather was a pirate but why does everyone just assume he wants to be a pirate too?  Hilarious monologue as a boy tries to convince his family that he prefers being a doctor.  

" . . . . . . My Grandparents are already working on my pirate name.  So far most of their names all have the word blood in them. (disgusted tone) I don’t want to be Bloody Ben.   That’s disgusting.   Can you imagine what it’s going to be like when I’m a teenager?  (change voice and swagger a little) “Hi. Want to dance?  My name? It’s Bloody Ben but (change voice to sound panicky) . . . wait, don’t leave.  . . . . . . . . . .

 . . . . .  I’m not going to become a pirate.   I’m not going to be Bloody anything.  I’m going to be a doctor.  You want some yo hos? “Yo ho, yo ho, a doctor’s life for me.”

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"Snow White and the Quest for a Ball Gown"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Snow White needs a Ball Gown but when she opens the wrong door at the castle, she finds herself at Bloomingdales.   

A Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes is also included in this order. 

"Hello?  (Looking around) What a strange place. Hello? Could someone help me? I need a Ball Gown.  (Smile sweetly)  My Prince is throwing a Ball for me.  I was looking for the castle seamstress but I seem to have gotten a little lost.  This castle is so much bigger than the dwarf’s cottage.  I opened a strange door and here I am.  (look confused).  At (say this very slowly as if unsure of the pronunciation) something called Bloomingdales.  (React as if suddenly seeing someone)  Oh hello.  My name is Snow White and I’m ---- oh my goodness are you alright? Were you attacked?  Half of your garment is torn off of you.  (look confused saying crop top as if you never heard them before) A crop top?  Oh.  (Shake head sweetly but confused)  No, I do not believe I would like a (say crop top slowly and distinctly) crop top for the ball. . . . . . . . " 

 

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"Hey Humans! Show Me Your World"      new!

Male or female. Age Range 8-12. Total Length: Approx. 1 minute.

The Sea is being impossible during the Triton Festival with Sharks smizing, dolphins singing and whales belly flopping. Why not do what Ariel did and grab some legs? Full of fun with great character voices.  

"Ariel was right.  Legs are pretty cool.  (wobbles a little shakily again before finding balance )   Kind of wobbly though.   But I had to get away.  The Sea is impossible right now.  Everyone is so caught up in the Triton Festival that I can’t even swim in peace.  I tried to swim over to the seaweed maze but the whales are all practicing their belly flops to see who can get the biggest splash.  They’re all: (say in surfer dude voice standing with cool attitude)

 
“Dude, I totally splashed that cruise ship.  Top that!” . . . . . . . . . "
 
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"Dear Fairy Godmother"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and a 1/2 minute.

A sassy Fairy Godmother reads the morning wishes.  

Longer Version, approximate 2-3 minutes included in this order.  And an Even Longer Version with a different ending is also included.  

" . . .  Dear Fairy Godmother, Please let Justin Bieber fall in love with me.  (groans and rolls her eyes)   Not again!  (Sighs and in a loud tone of voice) Attention teenage girls of the world. . . . . . . . .  Dear Fairy Godmother.  Please let me meet a vampire who I can share true love with forever. Humans, listen to me.  Vampires are not nice.  No matter what you read or watch on TV. (grab your neck with both hands)  They bite your neck and suck your blood out until you are dead.   Why does no one think about these things?  . . . .   Please change me into a Superhero so I can join the Avengers.  Besides,  I would look cool with a cape . . . .   (Picks up wand and waves in air) Granted.    I hereby dub you . . . . . uh . . . . Squirrel Boy?  Frogman?  I’ll have to work on it. (gleeful expression as rub hands with delight) This is going to be so much fun!"

 
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"The Other Mermaid"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ - 2 minutes.

Presenting Coral, The Other Mermaid, who is very frustrated with all the attention Ariel is getting and would like everyone to know there are other mermaids under the sea too. Sassy, AMAZING other mermaids named Coral!

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is included in this purchase.  

The Other Mermaid

“Under the Sea. Under the Sea. Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me.” (Mermaid Pose) What? (Pause as if listening and then in a frustrated tone of voice) No. I am NOT Ariel. (Goes back to pose and then act as if listening again) No, I do not have a best friend named Flounder. (Again go back to posing while starting to seethe and grit teeth as you smile) No, I did not marry Prince Eric. (Start to pose again and then lose temper and stomp feet as say angrily) No! No! No! Okay time out. . . . . My name is Coral and even though I don’t have red hair, I have adventures too.. . . . . . . . . .(Place hands on hips) It’s time other mermaids like me got some attention. I’m brave - (dangerous, glaring expression) “Listen Mr. Killer shark. I like humans so move it. Or you’ll have to answer to me.” (Sweet, determined expression) I’m helpful - “Look, crabs and lobsters have got to stop fighting. A little Puffer fish almost lost a scale last night. Now pinch and make up.” . . . . . . Forget Ariel. Presenting Coral, the OTHER Little Mermaid."

 

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"Ninjago"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ - 2 minutes.

Using Ninjago legos as part of a history project leads to hilarity. Especially when your Mother is trying to get you to clean your room.  

" . . . . . . . Okay let’s see.  I have my warriors ready, my weapons are all put together and the next step is building the dragon.  Wait.  Where’s my dragon kit?  It was right there on the table before I went to school today. (start panicking)  Mom!  Mom!  Where’s my dragon kit?  I have to have it.  Without dragons my ninjas are just standing around looking stupid.  (Listen and widen eyes incredulously)   The dog ate it?  Seriously?  This can’t be happening.  (Grab head in woe) I’m going to fail.  (Pause and then say sarcastically) Oh very funny.  Ha, ha, my mother the comedian.  You know, the American Board of Pediatrics does not approve of giving heart attacks to your children.  Can I have my dragon kit back now? . . . . . . . ."

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"Sparkle"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

Sparkle the Fairy is attending Fairy Training School.  And it is not going well AT ALL.  

A Longer version, approx 2-3 minutes, is also included in this order.

 

" . . . .  You see today was my very first day as a FIT. (Lean forward and stage whisper) Fairy in Training. I’ve been waiting for this day forever. . . . . . .But somehow, things didn’t go the way I thought they would. (Sigh) . . . . . .You see Fairies have very strict rules about interacting with humans.. . . . Fairy Rule Number 1. Fairy Dust is strictly forbidden. (Bite lip with guilty eyes)  I only used a little. Truly. And I thought this rule only applied to humans.  Who knew that flying kittens were against the rules?  (Perplexed face). . . . ."

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"Just Call Me Charlie Brown"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A boy is having a very bad, very Charlie Brown day. 

A Longer Version, approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this order. 

Just Call Me Charlie Brown

 

"I am having a terrible day. Everything is going wrong. At school the teacher said the most dreaded words in the English language. Pop quiz! (Grab hair in anguish) My mind went totally blank. And that was just the beginning. I spilled spaghetti sauce all over my new shirt at lunch so that I spent the rest of the day looking like I just got shot in the chest (grab chest dramatically).. . . . . . . I can’t stand it! I’m having such a bad day. (Resigned expression of doom) Just call me Charlie Brown."

 

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"Rockstar"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Is your child dramatic and outgoing? Full of confidence? If so, this is the monologue for you. Funny, funky and in your face, Rockstar is a monologue for a confident actor or actress who is ready to take over the stage. 

A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

Rockstar

"Today, a girl at school called me boring. Boring? Me? I don't want to be the boring kid. (Straightening up with determination) Time to change my image. So, I've decided to become a rock star. (Strike rock star pose with guitar). . . . . . .I just can't decide if I should go all emo? (Actor drops to floor and caresses stage and in a passionate, sensitive sing song voice says) "You are the stage. . . . . . . . . Or maybe I should be more hardcore? .. . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

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"Little Red"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Red Riding Hood has had enough of you Mr. Wolf. Sassy, spunky and full of charm, this monologue is perfect for a confident actress who enjoys playing character roles. 

A Longer Version, approx 1 and 1/2 minutes, and an even Longer Version, approx 3-5 minutes, are also included in this order.

 

"It’s not easy being me. I mean yes, I am absolutely adorable. (Actress poses with a sweet smile and a little sassy attitude in her body)  But, the problem with being known as Little Red is every Tom, Dick and Harry thinks he will be the one to finally capture me. . . . . . .Now whenever someone tries to capture me I’ll smile sweetly and say (Actress speaks in sweet, cutesy voice) “Hi there Mr. Wolf. Were you looking for me? And when he tries to grab me I’ll go (Actress kicks sideways in a karate type of kick and speaks in a tough, spunky voice ) Hi yah! Take that! No one messes with Little Red! . . . . . . . . "

Included in longer version:

"Wolf:  “Yes, I know I’m a wolf but I’m a tragic, misunderstood wolf.  I don’t really want to eat Grandmothers.  I’m trying very hard to escape my destiny. And look I sparkle.”

Little Red:  Yea, right.  Hey Mr. Teen Wolf  wannabe.  Boo hoo.   Everyone has problems. At least you didn’t have to spend all Saturday afternoon chatting with the Three Little Pigs. Now that was tragic.  So just get over it."  

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"Boy Power"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What is a boy to do when he's surrounded by girls? 3 sisters, 4 aunts, 12 cousins, a mother and two grandmothers. If you're the only boy in the family, sometimes you have to adopt DRASTIC measures. 

A Longer version, approx. 1.5 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . today the teacher asked me to play a girl in our school play. (outraged voice) Seriously? She tried to tell me I was the only actor good enough to do it, but this was the last straw!  I am not a girl. (Clench fist and stamp foot in anger) So, I’ve decided it’s time to bring a little boy power into my life. I’ve made a list of ideas.  (Pull list out of pocket)  
Step 1: Talk like a famous movie tough guy.

A. “You talking to me?  I said, are you talking to me?” (Speak like Robert  DeNiro in Taxi Driver.  Hold finger out pointing at audience)

B. “Go ahead punk.  Make my day.” (Speak like Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry.  Squint eyes like Clint does)

Step 2: Be ready to wrestle over anything. . . . . . . "

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"Goldie"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Goldilocks? A criminal? All she did was close her eyes for a moment. In this monologue, offering emotions ranging from angry to sweet, Goldilocks attempts to explain what happened the day she visited the Three Bears.  

A Longer Version, approx. 1.5 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

 

" . . . . . What is the meaning of this? This article is all wrong. I am not a (actress looksdown and reads from paper) "Cute, blonde, criminal who has no respect for personal property." Criminal? That's not me. (Gesture at chest and then clench fists and stompfoot with each not) Not, not, not. (Take deep breath and smile)

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose my temper likethat. Let me introduce myself. My name is Goldie (giggle) and yes, I did fall asleep inthe Three Bears cottage but there was a very good reason for that.. . . . . ."

 

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"Lizard Boy"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes

A boy finally finds  out what is Superpower is and he HATES it.  Hysterically funny with lots of emotions to demonstrate your acting abilities.  

" . . . . . Maybe my Superpower would be flying. I would love to fly.  Or maybe I’d be super speedy like my Dad.  I’d even be happy if I ended up being invisiboy like my Mom.  I was ready.  I stood there in the Super Circle. (Raise arms above head in a v shape)   I could feel my Super Power entering me (dramatic pause) . . . . . . . . . .(drop arms) and I turned into a lizard. That’s right a lizard.  Not a gigantic Tyrannosaurus Rex lizard.  Nope.  A teeny, tiny little lizard.
 
I HATE my Super Power.  Dad thinks it’s great.  I can crawl under doors and get secret information without being seen. That is if NO ONE STEPS ON ME! . . . . . . "
 
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"Pageant Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Being a full glitz Pageant Diva isn't easy. This monologue pulls back the curtain and shows the funny side of Beauty Pageants. Spray tan disasters, flying hair extensions and rhinestones everywhere! 

A Longer Version, approximate 1.5 - 2 minutes is also included in this purchase.  

Pageant Life

"Let’s face it. It’s not easy to be me. Perky, Straight A student by day (pause and add with attitude in voice) well if we don’t count PE because hello? Who runs a mile in 88 degree weather? I refuse to do that to myself. (Roll eyes) Anyway, perky student by day and (strike a pose as you say Pageant Diva) Pageant Diva by night. And trust me, being a full glitz Pageant Diva is hard, hard work. . . . . . .there have been a few bumps along the way. There was the time I was getting spray tanned and Miss Maisie, my tanner, got distracted by a phone call from her son Bo. His pig Pugswallow was sick and Miss Maisie was talking him through CPR -(say with disgusted tone and then resume normal voice) which ewwwwww - and I ended up getting 6 coats of tan! (Hold both arms out from side as if getting tanned and then drop them as change voice to cringing as actress says with a rueful tone) I didn’t win that competition. . . . .But this weekend I am ready to take back my crown. I am glam - er - ous! . . . . . . ."

 

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"Purr-fect"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 2 minutes.

Told from the point of view of a cat, life is practically "purrfect" until the humans she lives with buy a puppy!

A 30 second version of this monologue, is also included in this purchase. 

 

" . . . . and it must be said that my life is practically purrfect (roll r’s a little when you say purrrr) in every way. . . . . . then an utter disaster occurred. (Outraged voice) The teenager brought him a puppy! . . . And the next thing you know I’m being followed everywhere by this bouncy creature who never leaves me alone and keeps drooling ALL OVER ME. (Gesture at self) . . . . . . . But today, somehow (voice starts breaking, quavering a little) the puppy got out of the house and ran into the street. And there was this car and . . . .So they have to fix him. (Stomp foot) I demand it. . . . . "

 

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"Riding Fashionista"      new!

Female version. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?  A Fashion Diva goes to Riding Camp and can not believe her eyes!

" . . . .  Is that girl wearing a flowered dress?  We’re going horseback riding not having (speak in a British accent while pretending to hold a teacup with one pinkie lifted) “tea with the Queen”.  And excuse me?  Yes you (point finger) with the ripped jeans and the shirt with holes in it.  I know we’re outside and it is more casual but we’re not going to be rolling around in the dirt. (put hands on hips)  Have a little respect for your horse! . . . . . . . . . " 

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"A Diva’s Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Life isn't easy when you're a diva.  EVERYTHING is dramatic.  This monologue is packed with attitude, comedy and a wide range of emotions.  When you really want to be noticed.  

A Longer Version, approx. 2 & 1/2 minutes, is also included with this order  featuring the "Sacred Rules of Divatude".

A Diva’s Life

 

"I’m a diva. I admit it. I like a lot of attention and I like to do things my way.  Some people think that’s a bad thing.  Please. (Say this as puh-lease with attitude)  The world would be a much more sad and dreary place without divas. We add drama and excitement to most people’s boring, humdrum lives. When I enter a room, everyone notices me. (Pause and then steps forward as if entering a room) “I’m here!  Sorry I was late but an old man keeled over right in front of me and I had to do CPR for HOURS, but I totally saved his life.” . . . . .

My report wasn't ready.  I tried to read that book. . .. . . It was all "Yes Marmee.  No Marmme.  Whatever you say Marmee."   What a bunch of weinies!  Not a diva in sight. . . . . He was going to give me a bad grade.  Me! (grab chest dramatically) So I had to go all diva on him.  I sobbed.  I threw myself to the ground. . . . "

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"Gifted"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Gifted, clueless and trying to survive science class.  A funny monologue exploring all the problems that come with a high IQ!

A Longer Version, approx. 2 & 1/2 minutes is also included with this order.

" An IQ over 160.  Gifted.  So much potential.  Your life is perfect. (big sigh) . . . .  I’m not like everyone else.   At school the classes are easy so I don’t always pay attention.  Teachers hate that. (change to sarcastic teacher voice)   Not paying attention again Miss Collins?  You’re going to end up on the streets, homeless and begging for food money.  (throw yourself to floor with one hand up and plead) “Please sir, can you spare any change?  I haven’t eaten since Tuesday.” (Stand up) That’s your future if you don’t (shout) PAY ATTENTION.    

 
And my social life is even worse.   Girls my age like (tick off with fingers)  new clothes, Facebook and something called a Bieber. (Roll eyes)  And since I don’t update my Facebook status every ½ hour, I’ve been labeled a (change to clueless voice) loser. . . . . . . .  Could someone wake me up when it’s time to start college?" 
 
 
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"Fashion Disaster"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Shopping with Grandma?  This is not going to turn out well.    

 

 
" . . . . . . . . .Sadly, (shake head sadly)  she has no fashion taste whatsoever. Yesterday she bought me a pink sweater with a huge kitty on the front.  It was hideously ugly.  But Grandma was ecstatic.  She kept saying (use ootsy Grandma voice) “You look adorable! Let me take a picture for my Facebook page.”  And then she started insisting that I wear it to school the next day. I could picture it all now.  The entire class walking up to me and purring or rubbing my head as they called me kittycat.  My life would be ruined. I stood there grimly awaiting my fate when my Grandmother turned to me and said “Wait!  Let’s be a little more edgy.”  Edgy?  (Excited dreamy face and voice) Visions of a black leather jacket and ripped jeans danced in my eyes.  (look down and then back up)  . . . . . "
 
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"The Other One"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 2 - 2.5 minutes.

It's not easy being the Other One.  When one of your older sisters is a complete brain and the other one is a dazzling star and you're just . . . . the Other One.  In this hilarious monologue, a girl tries to find something she is good at before her Grandparents come to visit again.  

A Shorter Version, approximate 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.

" . . . . .  Every time Grandpa visits it’s always the same thing.   (act out Grandpa, changing face and big booming voice)  “Tina!  How’s my little Brainiac?  Have you won that Nobel Prize yet? And Kate!  My little Superstar!  You deserved an Oscar for that last performance. (clutch chest dramatically)   I was sobbing.”  Then he looks at me.  “And . . . .  and . . . my other little granddaughter! (do ootchy voice as if talking to a puppy)  How’s my widdle sweetie?”  And then he ruffles my hair.  (clench teeth)  Every single time!  I am so tired of being the “the other one”.  I  need to be something . . . . . "

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"Totally, Totally Me!"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

Mom breaks her leg?  Helping at home?  Projects at school? Ack!  Drowning in desperation a delightfully determined student finds a way to save the day.  

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute is also inclued in this order.  

 

" . . . . . . I’m not prepared for my presentation.  (Panicked voice that rises with each line in desperation) What if I fail?  What if I get put on the loser track?  What if I end up working at McDonalds asking “do you want fries with that” for the rest of my life?

    (Take a deep breath and settle down and then say with determination) Deep breaths in, deep breaths out.  I can do this.  I’ll just . . . . improv.  Let’s see, my presentation is about the Middle Ages.  People were uh . . . poor, dirty . . . . . . . . . . "

 

 

 

 

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"Sleepover"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

 An EPIC sleepover, complete with Sleepover cheers, wretched little brothers and non-stop fun.  Vocal levels range from sassy to terrified giving an actress an opportunity to show a strong range.  

A Longer Version, approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . . . . Then we watched Bring it on again because it totally rules and decided we had to create our own Sleepover cheer.  We only got as far as (say this in perky, cheerleader voice.  Can add in cheer gestures if you like pumping fist up into air) “We’re awesome!  We’re great!  Our Sleepover kicks your face.” when suddenly we heard this crashing sound in the kitchen. (Panicked, terrified voice)   Someone was trying to break into my house! . . . . "

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"Grandma's a Spy?"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Is Grandma a spy?  In the witness protection program? Writing an essay about your summer vacation is hard work.

Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes with zombies, is included in this order.

" . . . . . Maybe Grandma had witnessed a gruesome crime and had to testify against the Mob and then go into the witness protection program where she could never speak to her family again. Or maybe she was a spy and this was her last chance to see her family before she left on a suicide mission.  A mission where she had to get one vital piece of information before she was captured and never seen again.  I couldn’t wait to find out why this was her (said with dramatic intensity) “last summer”. . . . . . . "

 

 

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"Closing Mother Gooseland"      new!

Male/Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 - 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Mother Gooseland is closing.  Which means the Lost Sheep are going on a cruise, Little Miss Muffet is auditioning for Dance Moms and nonstop comedy offering a wonderful range for a young performer.

A Longer Version, approx. 2 - 2 &1/2 minutes, is also included in this order.  

" . . . . . . . Oh and Bo Peep before I forget, the Lost Sheep want you to know they are on a Disney cruise and to STOP LOOKING FOR THEM. (Look back at clipboard) Moving on . . no, Mary I don't think you and your Little Lamb should become zombies. I know The Walking Dead is popular but you just don't give off that zombie vibe. (Look in opposite direction) Big Bad Wolf could you please stop blowing things over? (look back to other side) No, I don't know any real estate agents who specialize in selling shoes  Little Old Woman. Come on, everyone get back in line. (Throw clipboard down on stagein anger) Alright that's it. I quit . . . . . . . ."

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"Fairy Tale Tomboy"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Getting married and living “happily ever after” is not for this spunky Fairy Tale Tomboy Princess. 

A Longer Version, approximately 2-3 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

 

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess who married the handsome Prince and they lived happily ever after.” Time out! Stop the presses! I don't want to get married and live happily ever after.. . . . .Happily ever after means boring balls . . . .  And that evil dragon? Not evil at all.  He keeps accidently setting things on fire. Then he spends the night crying outside my window about what a bad dragon he is and to please, please forgive him. And all the birds in the Kingdom won’t stop making me clothes that are really ugly.  . . .I’ve decided that I’m going to rewrite the end of my story. I want to have adventures that DON’T end when I get married . . . . . . . . "

 

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"The Queen of Hearts (very nicely)      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 2 - 2 and 1/2 minutes.

The Queen of Hearts is holding a Press Conference.  And "very nicely" trying to describe her day. A hilarious monologue offering an actress a wonderful range of emotions.  

Longer Version, including the hysterically funny story of how the Nine of Clubs ruined the Queen of Hearts Tea Time, is also included in this order.  

" . . . . Greetings royal subjects, random people who I have no idea who you are and members of the Press.   Welcome.  My PR people have informed me that I’m not very popular.  They say and I quote “People find your anger off putting.  You know the whole off with their heads thing.  No one likes you.”  (Angrily) Whatever!  (Pause, take breath and give big fake smile again) I mean how terribly distressing.  So in an effort to clear up this horribly untrue image I would like to present A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE QUEEN OF HEARTS.

 
(Clear throat) The Day begins.  I wake up and my breakfast tray is not there.  Are you kidding me?  I - very nicely  - summoned my Maid and said - again very nicely - Where is my breakfast?  And she said (speak Maid’s lines in a British accent) 
 
“Oh mum.  There was a terrible accident in the kitchen.  The footman slipped and boiling water flew everywhere.  So breakfast was delayed.”
 
Normally I would say OFF WITH YOUR HEAD but I - very nicely - said OFF WITH THEIR HEADS; not blaming my maid at all. . . . . . . "
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"Summer Survivor"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 - 1.5 minutes.

When your Mother sends you on a "quest" every summer to build your character, you never know where you might end up.  Very funny monologue for a boy with a lot of character.  

" . . . . . . . (Look at outside of envelope and turn it over squinching face up nervously)  I wonder what it’s going to be this year.  Last summer, she put me up for auction. The highest bidder in the neighborhood got to win me for an entire week   It came down to old Mrs. Hart and little Emily Nelson. (gesture with hand to one side looking as if you are holding a pair of dentures gingerly) Finding lost dentures (disgusted face) or (gesture with other hand)  tea parties with Mr. Boo Boo, Emily’s giant stuffed moose.  Thankfully I was bought at the last minute by Mr. Ward.  Cleaning pig barns has never looked so good. . . . . . "

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"The Prince Diaries (sort of)      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

A mixup at the hospital?  Not really Prince Edwin of Morovia?  Ridiculous.  A hilarious monologue perfect for a boy able to do both British and Southern accents. 

" . . . . . I am clearly the Prince.  I can bow with flair, (give sweeping bow)  converse with foreign dignitaries and (sway a little with hand on stomach) waltz divinely. (one handed gesture to side)  Can this Travis person do that?  (Angrily)  No.  He’s a buffoon.  He walked into the Palace, one of the most beautiful buildings in Morovia and said (speak with Southern hick accent) “Dang, this place is huge.  So where’s the big screen tv? Do we got any Doritos?”  (Back to British voice)  He can’t run Morovia.  He’ll start a war! . . . . . "

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"Maid for a Day"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Washing dishes by hand? Cleaning her brother's room? A girl is assigned a list of chores for going over her cell phone family plan data limits.   

A Longer Version, approx 2 minutes, filled with even more disastrous chores, is also included in this order.

 

 

"Why did they give me a cell phone if they didn’t want me to use it?  . . .  So, I had to promise to do this huge list of chores today. (Actress pulls out list from pocket and reads) . . . . .Number 1. Clean my brother’s room. It was disgusting. (Make a disgusted face, scrunching up nose and act like stepping over mounds of clothing) I had to step over huge mounds of rotting clothes and empty food wrappers. And when I reached down to pull up the covers on his bed, his gerbil jumped on me. (Actress starts screeching and wiping at shoulders as she jumps up and down) Ew! Ew! Rodent! I have rodent feet on me! (Huge, shuddering sigh) And that was only the beginning . . . . . . "

 

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"Welcome to the 80's: The Olden Days"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 & ½ minutes.

Life in the Olden Days, the 1980's!  Big hair, phones with cords and legwarmers! A girl looks through her Mother's Photo album with hilarious results.  

A Longer Version, approx. 2 - 3 minutes, is included with this order.  This version includes several 1980's songs and dance moves including Thriller.  

" . . . . . there it was. (widen eyes) A picture of my Mother with big, poofy hair.  (Make voice incredulous) Out in public!  And her clothes.  In one picture she was wearing these furry things called leg warmers.  Leg warmers?  If your legs are cold, PUT ON SOME PANTS!  

 
(Shakes head)  What a weird time to live.  The strangest thing though was their phones. They had cords.  Cords!  You had to stand there and talk into a phone that was plugged into the wall. (Spread arms a little)  What did they do when they were outside? . . . .   And I guess they had no apps on their phones at all.  I can’t even imagine. . . . . . . "
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"Elfspeak"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Tough, sassy, and definitely not a cute little Disney elf.   This funny monologue from the play "The Laughing Phantom" offers a young actor a chance to demonstrate several vocal levels as he or she describes their life as the leader of the Bravo Hotel elfs.     

 

"Once upon a time, in a beautiful country far, far away, there lived a handsome prince or princess. Once upon a time — the standard beginning of every classic fairytale (Drop dreamy expression and say very sarcastically) Boorrrrrringe. Where’s the hook? Where’s the drama? If I had my way, all fairy tales would start much more dramatically ... cause being sneaky is what being an elf is all about.. . . "

 

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"Backstage at the Talent Show"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 & ½ minutes.

Mandy Peters was just planning to interview the contestants backstage.  A perky monologue for an actress with great comedic faces and timing.  

 

" . . . . . . Let’s interview Rob Maxwell.  As you know, Rob is the Captain of our Football Team.  I wonder what his hidden talent is.  Hi Rob.  This is Mandy Peters, Student News.  What is your hidden talent?  (look confused) Why are you saying Knock, Knock.  No I don’t want to say . . . . . Fine.  Who’s there?  Boo who?  No, I’m not crying.  That’s really not funny.  Seriously.  It’s lame.  You can stop laughing now.  That’s your talent? Knock Knock jokes? . . . . . . . . . "

 

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"Bus Stop"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

This bus stop is full of crazy characters.  

 

" . . . . . .This bus stop is full of very strange people. Monday and Friday I have to ride with Mr. Germaphobe. (rolls eyes)   He sprays the entire bench with Lysol as soon as he gets here. And then if I try to sit down, he goes crazy! (Speaking in a prissy voice, holding hands up in protest and scooting down bench)  “No, no.  Don’t sit near me! You’re germy!” (shuddering and then dropping character and resuming normal voice) And then he sprays me.  I hate the smell of Lysol! On Tuesday, the “spy” rides the bus. I don’t think he’s really a spy but if he is, he’s the world’s worse spy. . . . . . . . . . "

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"Living With The Pet Whisperer"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What's a wannabe cheerleader supposed to do when there is a horse in the kitchen, a goat in her closet and a monkey in the car seat? Living with her Mother, the Pet Whisperer, is not easy and there's a very good reason she was late to cheerleading tryouts. 

A Longer Version, approx. 1 and 1/2 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

 

"Am I too late? (Pleading expression) Please, please tell me I’m not too late. You see I was delayed by a tragic frog incident and I simply have to try out.  I mean, I’m destined to become a cheerleader.. . . . I love animals but they are RUINING my life. So I’ve prepared a new list of rules for living with my Mother, the Pet Whisperer. No animals in the bathroom.  Sharing a shower with a gerbil is not as much   fun as you would think.. . . . . "

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"How I Saved The World"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

What if you were suddenly "The One" needed to save the world? A funny, fast-paced monologue that offers a variety of voice levels and physical movements to emphasize your child's abilities. 

How I Saved The World

And, I am really fast which comes in handy when big, blobby things are trying to zombify you. (start talking like Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver and stand aggressively with attitude) “You talking to me? I said, are you talking to me? Bring it blobby!” (Duck head as if ducking a fist) Hah! Missed. “You know for a Big Bad, you’re pretty weinie. My grandmother moves faster than you!” (Change tone and talk normal, as in aside) Blobby evil things HATE it when you call them weinies. . . . . . .(Pause and look depressed) But today? Today I have a math test. (Look up) Hello? Universe? Can I please save the world again today? Please?

 

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"Dancing Diva"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A Diva's life is never easy. Especially when you are a Dancing Diva. This monologue offers an actress a chance to show spunk and attitude as she describes her life as a dancing diva. Dance skills are a plus but not necessary to perform this monologue. Fun, sassy and brimming with attitude. 

 

" . . . . I never fall.  I couldn’t believe it. I was sooooo humiliated. A dead silence filled the room. Maybe I would just lay there until the class ended.  Maybe I would never get up.. . . This wasn’t going to defeat me.  Still, a successful dancing diva needs to own the stage. So I smiled graciously and said “Did you like my fall? I was trying to show the pain and passion (put arms up dramatically with an angsty expression) of the music.” Everyone gasped and then started cheering and clapping . . . . "

 

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"Guardian"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

What is a Guardian to do when their Human is driving them crazy?  

A Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes, is included in this order.

"Sir?  I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if I could possibly be reassigned? (pleading)  Please.  I know I’m supposed to be guiding him to his ultimate destiny but (frustrated yell as grab head)  MY HUMAN IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! . . . . He does weird things.  Last week we went to a gathering where he dressed up as something called an Avenger.  He spent hours walking about saying: (raise hand in air and speak like angry god)  “ I am Loki of Asgard.  (point to ground)  Kneel before me petty man.” . . . . . "

 
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"Let's Go Home, Toto"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Dorothy thought it would be fun to have her friends from Oz visit her school.  Bad idea, really bad idea.   A very funny monologue with great character moments.  

     "Oh my goodness!  (Look around worriedly) Toto?  Toto! (Finally find him) There you are.  (Hold arms out for Toto and then slowly drop)  Please don’t be mad at me Toto.  I told the Flying Monkeys you didn’t like heights but Flying Monkeys are very hard to reason with.  (Shake head sadly as you look around)  I guess this wasn’t a very good idea after all.  . .

The worse part was when the people from the Emerald City arrived.  They looked so green and pretty.  But as soon as they walked in everybody started screaming. (yell while looking terrified)  Zombies!  It’s the Walking Dead!  . . . . "

 

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"Shut Up and Dance"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes.

The perfect monologue for a girl who likes to dance.  Filled with energy and emotion, this monologue lets us peak inside the mind of a young girl the day a talent scout for a new kid's dancing show came to her dance recital.  Funny and passionate, this monologue is the perfect mix of dance and drama.  

A Shorter Version, approx 1 minute is also included in this purchase.  

"Is it posted?  Is my name there?  (Frustrated sigh)    How much longer is this going to take? (Dramatic face as tighten body on suspense line)  This suspense is killing me.  (Imploring, earnest vocal tone) . . . . .I was doing a beautiful forte (spin in forte) when Hillary crashed into me and the next thing you know (fall onto the stage) I’m lying on the ground while the rest of the class is still spinning.  (Brief panicked face)  I had to think fast so I did some artistic rolling on the ground, (dance roll with an artistic, dance pose with matching face) complete with an emo, angsty face and hoped everyone would think it was simply my solo. . . . .What if they hated me?  My life would be over. (panicked despair in face and voice)   I can see it all now.  Thrown off the dance team, living in my parent’s basement, working at McDonalds, (voice gets flatter) spending my life asking people if they fries with that.. . . . . "

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"Acting Class Lessons"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 - 2 minutes

An acting student describes the joys of taking acting lessons with character demonstrations and a wide range of emotional choices and characters.  Both funny and dramatic, this monologue demonstrates a wide range of acting skills.

*A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute is also included in this purchase.

" . . . . . . .But for me Thursday night means acting class.  I love to go to class and  become someone else.  Because if you start acting like a schizophrenic maniac at the grocery store, they will ask you to leave.  But at acting class you get applause. 

Play two entirely different characters, changing faces and expressions as you argue with yourself.

    “Do I have a split personality?  No.  Yes.  No. Sort of.  Not really.  I think I do.  No I don’t.  Okay yes.”  . . . . . . . . 

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"Wonderland"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1.5 - 2 minutes.

Alice has moved into the White Rabbit's house but sends a note to her cat Dinah every day.  By Day 8, she is ready to come home!  Very funny monologue that illustrates why almost everyone in Wonderland has gone mad!

*British accent is helpful but monologue can easily be performed without one.

" . . . . . . Day 3.  Today the Cards and I painted the roses polka dot.  It was quite fun.  I love Wonderland.


    Day 4.  Today the Cards and I had to paint the roses red again.  The Queen threw a hissy fit when she saw the polka dot roses and started stamping her feet and screaming (use angry loud Queen voice as you stamp your foot and yell) “Roses are red! Paint them red or off with your head!” (Back to Alice voice) I had to be quite stern and remind her she promised never to say that again. . . . . ."

 

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"Cut and Style"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Rapunzel visits a hair salon for the VERY FIRST TIME! 

Longer Version, approx. 2 & 1/2 minutes is also included in this order.   

"Hello?  (actress is wringing hands and looking apprehensive and nervous as she looks around)  My name is Rapunzel and I have an appointment for a cut and style.  It’s my first time and I’m a little nervous.  (look around and see chair)  Sit here?  Okay.  (sits down nervously on edge of seat.) . . . . . . . .   (Actress jumps up in pain clutching hand ) Ow!  Ow!   Are you a witch?  Sorceress?  (put up fists)  Let’s go lady.  I am not afraid of your magic wand.  (pause as if listening) A flat iron?  For my hair.  I see.  (sits back down nervously) . . . . . "   

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"Being Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 9-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What can a girl do when she has the world's most perfect sister?  A very funny monologue, with a wide variety of character voices, as a girl tries to compete in the School Talent Show her sister won last year.

2 Longer Versions, approximately 1.5 minutes and approximately 2 minutes, are included in this purchase. 

" I have the world’s most perfect sister. She’s cute, perky, gets straight A’s and is the president of every club and organization in our school. (Exasperated attitude)  Last year she won the School’s annual talent show with a dramatic monologue from Shakespeare. . . . . . So I decided to be completely different from my sister. I did a comedy routine. I told jokes and did my funniest character voices. (Clueless voice) Like wow!  I totally didn’t understand the question. (Twirling hair and looking blank) . . . . . . . . . . ."

 

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"Road Trip"      new!

Male. Age range: 9-12. Total length: Approx. 1 ½ minute.

Scarred for life!  In this monologue a boy describes how a family road trip may lead to a lifetime of therapy.  Full of personality and adventure, Road trip lets a young actor own the stage.  

Road Trip

" . . . . . Then we had a fender bender. The car was barely bumped but my Mother went full out Banshee, shrieking about her poor suffering babies. I’m 11! She kept shaking me and asking if I needed CPR because Uncle Tony knows how to do it. CPR from Uncle Tony? I think I’m scarred for life. And that was just the first day. There were THIRTEEN MORE DAYS of this. (Pause and say ruefully) Therapy. I’m going to need lots and lots of therapy. . . . . . . "

 
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"Field Trip"      new!

Male. Age range: 9-12. Total length: Approx. 1 ½ minute.

What could go wrong on a school field trip to the zoo?  Everything!  This monologue gives a young actor a chance to demonstrate his comedic skills as he narrates his disastrous day.  

 

Field Trip

" .. . . . . And that was the highlight of my day. (Counting on fingers) I lost my lunch money, I accidently walked into the girl’s bathroom, and to top it off, Ricky pushed me into the polar bear pool. I was terrified! (Terrified expression as you fall to your knees)I pictured myself being torn limb from limb as the polar bears feasted on my body. I kept screaming “Help! Someone help me!”(Big sigh as you slowly stand up. Spread arms wide and say dramatically) How was I to know the polar bear cage was closed for renovation?. . . "

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"Born To Perform"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 2-3 minutes.

Showing a wide range of emotions, "Born to Perform" is a showcase for talented young actresses. Filled with both comedic and deeply dramatic moments, this monologue focuses on a young girl who knows in her heart that she was born to perform. If only someone would give her a chance!

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is included with this purchase.   

Born To Perform

 

" . . . . . .I pour my heart out on the stage and what do I get? (Sarcastically) Nice try. Shows potential. (Burst out angry and frustrated) I’m tired of showing potential. I want to be the one who wins and gets the part. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I’ll lose my MIND with frustration. Wait. (Light bulb moment as eyes widen) Lose my mind. That’s it! I could do a piece with a split personality. (Change voice and faces as you alternate lines here): “No. Yes. No. Yes. Sort of. No, not really. I think I do. No I don’t. Okay yes.” (Delighted smile) I love it! This is going to be so great. Why this might take me all the way to Hollywood. (Dreamy voice) I can see it now. My name in lights, fans asking for autographs, directors begging me to be a vampire or guest star on Glee .. .. . (stop and look paniced) I better start working on my Oscar acceptance speech. So much to do! But that’s what happens when you’re “Born to Perform.” (Shrug shoulders and then strike a sassy attitude as you say born to perform)."

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"Vote For Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

There is clearly only one choice for Class President. Sassy and full of attitude, this monologue will give a confident actress a chance to display her diva skills to the utmost. 

A LONGER version is included with this purchase.  

Vote For Me

"Greetings Mr. Principal, Faculty, random service workers and of course, my fellow 
students.  My name is Fiona and I am running for Class President and, let’s be honest, I am clearly the obvious choice.  Hello?  Have you seen my opponents?  (Gesture to one side with hand)  Amber Russell whose campaign is “Vote for me and my Daddy will donate a Pony to the School.” (Outraged voice) A pony?  Beyond the obvious bribery factor, do we really want a pony at our school?  How is that going to look on our college applications?  Hello, I’m applying to Harvard and yes, I went to the Pony School. . . . . . ."

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"Go Team!"      new!

Male. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

This laugh filled monologue of the first day as an ice hockey team member offers an actor the opportunity to demonstrate a wide range of emotions and voice levels including the classic Robert DeNiro "You talking to me?" line.  Perfect for a boy comfortable with physical movement and comic timing.  

 

"Team Member"

 

 
This was it.  (Hands on hips proudly)  My first day as an official Ice Hockey Team Member.  My dream come true.  After years of driveway hockey, endless hours of ice skating lessons (horrified face as you say the next phrase) and one horrible moment when I had to ice dance with Katie Myers wearing a pink ruffled shirt (hold hand out in blocking motion when you say do not ask) - DO NOT ASK - I was finally a Team Member.  (dreamy expression)  I could almost hear the crowd roaring my name.  This would be the most wonderful day of my life. . . . . . .  Yea, right.  (Sarcastic tone and then despairing tone)   This was the absolute WORSE day of my life . . . . . "

 

 

 

 

 

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"Pet Sitter"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 2 and 1/2 - 3 minutes.

Life is so unfair. Especially when you're stuck pet sitting 3 rabbits, 1 goat and 1 pig. This sassy, funny monologue lets animal loving drama divas shine and sparkle on stage. 

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 & 1/2 minutes is also included in this order.  

Pet Sitter

"Three rabbits, a goat and a pig. (Takes two steps forward and holds up fingers) That’s three rabbits, one goat and one pig. Am I at the Carnival of the Moon? (Over the top dramatic here) The Carnival I slaved over, saved my pennies for and obsessively counted the days till it got here? Am I stuffing my face with cotton candy? Am I riding a roller coaster and screaming in terror? No. I’m pet sitting for three rabbits, one goat and one pig. . . . . . . "

 

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"Duties of a Bat Boy"      new!

Male. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

A young boy's first day as a Bat Boy goes hilariously, disastrously wrong.

*Team in monologue is the Red Sox but permission is given to change the name of the baseball team and the name of the player mentioned. 

Duties of a Bat Boy

"Today was my first day as a Boston Red Sox Bat Boy. (Give big sigh and then slump shoulders in despair with big depressed eyes) And today was probably my last day as a Boston Red Sox Bat Boy. . . . .I had memorized all the duties of a bat boy and I couldn’t wait to get started. . . . . .Duty # 3: Play catch with the outfielders. I was determined (clench one fist for emphasis as you say determined) to do this one right. I was on fire, throwing the ball as hard as I could to Jacoby Ellison. (Pound fist into hand like a ball hitting a glove) I had one more toss before the game started, so I really ripped the ball at him. And (speak in horrified voice) I think I broke his hand. Me, the Bat Boy, broke Ellison’s hand. (Sink to knees) No, no, no. (Pounds ground with each no in despair) . . . . ."

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"Opening Night"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After auditioning over and over, a girl finally lands a role and faces her first Opening Night. This unique monologue includes tiny snippets of famous roles, offering a young actress a chance to display a wide range of talent. Perky and full of emotion, "Opening Night" gives an actress a chance to sparkle on stage. 

Opening Night

 

This is it! My first Opening Night! I didn’t think this day would ever come.. . . . . .And every time the answer was “Thank you.”  (Say thank you in dead flat  monotone voice) Not even a “We’ll let you know” or a “We’ll give you a call.”  Just a flat, sorry Spunky, it’s certainly not going to be you thank you.  (Stamp foot angrily) I hate that thank you!   But then, I finally got a “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”  And I knew!  I just knew!  That wasn’t a you didn’t get the part thank you.  It was a yes!  (Fling hands joyously in air) . . . . . . "

 

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"Longfellow Road"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Life on Longfellow Road is never boring. A cute, funny monologue that gives a child actor an opportunity to demonstrate a wide range of emotions including disgust, anger, sadness and excitement as the actor describes the some very unusual neighbors. 

Longfellow Road

"I think I’ve been scarred for life. My neighbor, Mrs. Madison was standing in front of her living room window wearing sequins and shimmying to Disco Inferno . . . . . . I really like my neighbors. (Pause) Except Mrs. Peth. (angrily) She is always yelling at me about something. (Angry, old lady voice) “Stop making so much noise.” “Stay off of my driveway!” . . . .. It makes me so mad! (Change to a sad, serious voice) But then one day I saw this picture. My Mom said it was a picture of her family before they were all killed in an automobile accident. And now she was all alone. (pause and then say quietly) I don’t get mad anymore. . . . . . I love my neighbors. Yes, they may wear Star trek uniforms to mow their lawn (roll eyes a little) but they make every day an adventure. (suddenly look out at audience excitedly) Oh look, Mrs. Ragland has her dog runway up. It’s the final for America’s Next Top Dog Model. I have to go. I can’t wait to see who wins! . . ."

 

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"Prep Time"      new!

Male. Age range 10-16. Approximately 2 and 1/2 minutes.

A boy prepares for his first Teen Party.  

" . . . . . Mother.  Do I really have to go to this party?  (Act as if listening and keep trying to interrupt)   But . . . . but . . . . . you know I think it’s morally unethical for parents to threaten their children to get their way.  (Look in mirror and run hands through hair again) Okay, I can do this.  I’ll just be myself and talk. (Clear throat, overly perky)  “Hi Sarah.  Happy Birthday. Congratulations on getting older.  And uh . . . . your hair looks great.  Much better than when you were 12.”  (Groan)  That sounded terrible.  Maybe I should use an accent. Girls LOVE accents and I don’t think I’ve actually talked to Sarah since 1st grade so chances are she won’t even recognize me.  I could be a charming new foreign student. . . . . . . . (Italian accent with huge sweeping hand gestures) “Ma belle Sarah. You looka da great.  Your hair is lika da beautiful bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.” (Widen eyes in horror afterwards)  Spaghetti and meatballs? What am I saying? . . . . . ."

 
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"Facebooking"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 1 or 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Living life Facebook style.  This funny, modern monologue is dramatic, sassy, and full of fun. 

Included is both a Male and Female version, a version with dancing and a version with singing.  

" And I’m updated. (Looks up in annoyance as she listens with head tilted slightly.) Yes Mom, I’ll be right there.  I just need to check my timeline.  (hold up finger)  One minute.  (look back at cellphone and scroll)  Hailey’s at the football game, Carrie is at the mall.  (concern crossing face as you look up) Oh no!  Amanda’s Grandfather died.  Aww. (look down and then look back up & say sarcastically) Oh cry me a river Trevor.  People can’t pay attention to you 24/7.  Stop whining.  (gasp)  Megan changed her relationship status to complicated?  I wonder what happened.  . . . . . )   Mom, I am updating my Facebook page.  This is very important for my social status.  I can’t help it they didn’t have Facebook in the dark ages when you were a kid . . . . "

 
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"Hello Twitter"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 1 and a 1/2 minutes.

A girl gets her first twitter account.  Extremely funny and a wonderful showcase for a girl with good comedic timing.  

A Longer Version, approximately 2 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this order.  

" . . . . .  Profile picture.  I love taking pictures.  (Hold up phone as if taking a picture) Should I go with a big smile?  (Smile and pose) Or maybe something more dreamy.  (Dreamy expression and then sudddenly sneeze.  Look down at phone curious and then look horrified)   What happened?  No, I don’t want that picture.  How do I change it?  Delete. Delete.

 
Great.  I have a stupid twitter name and a stupid twitter picture that makes me look deformed.  Oh well, at least now I can start following people.  (Type a moment)    Follow. Follow.  DEFINlTELY follow.  Oh look I have a follower. . . . . .   No, I don’t want to buy anything.  Seriously.  Could you stop following me?   (Start getting angry and frustrated)   Stop tweeting me.  Just GO AWAY!!! . . . . . . "
 
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"Package Delivery"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Delivering has never been this complicated as a frustrated UPS worker tries to deliver a package. Different voice levels, including a stuffy British accent, add to the fun.  

A Longer Version, approx. 1 & 1/2 minutes, is also included in this order.  

 

Package Delivery

. . . . I bet the people who live here don't have these kinds of problems. Probably the home of some hotshot Wall Street trader or something like that. Must be nice. What a life!

(English accent, very upper crust British) Good morning Jeeves. Would you mind fetching me a spot of tea? And the Grey Poupon?

(Igor accent, bending over like Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein) Yes, Master, whatever you say master. . . . . . . . .

(Suddenly notices someone watching)

Oh, hi. I'm uh . . . . uh . . . uh. . . . an actor! . . . . ...

 

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"I Quit!"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx. length: 1 minute.

After her siblings ruin her birthday party, the oldest daughter informs her parents that she is quitting the family.  

" . . . . . . But (shake head sadly), I’m sorry,  I can’t be the oldest anymore.  I’m going to have to quit.

. . . . . . Look around you.  (Gaze around hopelessly with arms spread wide)  This is the remains of my party.  The party that was supposed to show how cool and stylish I am. (Strike a little pose as you say cool, stylish . . and then get angry) Am I cool? Am I stylish?  NOOOO!  I am humiliated.  Your youngest child spent the entire night singing (talk/sing as you fling one arm out to one side and then the other side saying) “Let it go, Let it go.”  Just those 3 words.  Nothing else.  The twins ate all the pizza and then Jack threw up on Sophia’s hair. (shudder & look disgusted)  . . . . . . 

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"Chez Roche"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 3 minutes.

Dinner at a fancy French Restaurant?  What was Dad thinking?  Funny and filled with embarrassing moments, Chez Roche offers a young actress a chance to demonstrate several different voice levels as she suffers through a family dinner.

Longer Version, approx. 3-5 minutes, is also included in this order.  

"This is not going to end well.  What was my Dad thinking?  It’s my Mom’s birthday and my Dad decided that we were going to celebrate by going to a fancy French restaurant. . . . . . . . At least he hasn’t given us the (change voice to sound like Dad) “Technology is ruining family communication” speech again.   I mean hello?  I’m sorry they didn’t have the internet back in the dark ages when you were a kid but this is the way people communicate now.  And besides, I totally communicate.  I sent him a frowny face yesterday when he called me even though I was in the middle of an extremely important Facebook conversation. . . . .  Amuse Bouche? Stuffed Escargot?  Roasted Goat cheese?   Is he serious? . . . . . " 

"Read an Excerpt"

"Presenting Laci"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 and a 1/2 minutes.

A malfunctioning robot tries to give a sales presentation. This monologue includes a great deal of funny physical movement as the robot malfunctions.

*Monologue was written for a female but can be easily changed to male by changing the name of the robot to Lari. 

" . . .  Lacis are the companion you have always longed for.  Sophisticated, (body begins shaking all over as actress attempts to stop it by grabbing an arm or holding her head, etc as she keeps talking calming) superior, and the answer to your every whim or need.  Never too busy to chat, go out to eat or simply spend time together.  (Twitching and movements finally stops though actress is standing in a slumped, weird twisting position )   However, if you desire a . . . . . . desire a . . . . (stand blinking for a moment and then says) Abort.  Abort. . . . . "

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"Video Blog, Day 1"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

If you lead an exciting life, then OBVIOUSLY a video blog is the perfect way to share yourself with the world!  

 

" . . . . . . . I’ve decided to start a video blog.  Everyone has one and since I lead an exciting life, I’ve decided it’s time for me (gesture at chest)  to share me with the world. (Fling arms wide)

(State current date)  Today.  So . . .  this morning I was getting ready for school and I caught a glimpse of Ellen on TV.  I love Ellen!  Anyway there was this woman, who on the day of her marriage, found out her husband to be was her long-lost fraternal twin. (Voice starts to break)  It was so heartbreaking and I was crying (Voice gets more dramatic and over the top) and everyone was crying and then Ellen gave her a car because her life was ruined. (Pause and then with very matter of fact voice).  So in conclusion you shouldn’t marry your long lost twin brother.  (Pause as if thinking)   Unless you need a car. . . . . . . . . . "
 

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"BFF"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Approximately 1 and 1/2 - 2 minutes.

Being a BFF (Best Friend Forever) means sometimes you're standing in a line waiting to stand up and sing in front of everyone.  Even though you know it's going to be a complete and total disaster. Eeeep!

 

" . . . .  What if I stand up there and open my mouth and nothing comes out?   And I’m just standing there like this (eyes frightened, mouth open in terror). And then everyone in school starts laughing at me and my life is ruined forever. . . . . . . . Maybe I should think more positively.. . . . . . . . an agent sitting in the audience offers me my own show on Nickelodeon and I become a big star. (pose with a big smile as if having a picture taken)   And then I’d be off to Hollywood to make a movie and the next thing you know I’m standing on stage next to Jennifer Lawrence accepting an Oscar saying “Thank you, thank you, I owe it all to my first school musical.” . . . . . . Wait.  (Suddenly look panicked)  What if that does happen?  And I get a part and Amy doesn’t. Then she’ll hate me and tell me she doesn’t want to be my BFF anymore . . . . . . . . . "

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"Popular"      new!

Female. Age range 12-14. Approximately 1 minute.

A self-absorbed diva prepares to enter high school.  

"Elementary school?  That was easy.  From the minute I stepped into first grade, I owned that school . . . . . . Now I have to break in a whole new set of teachers and probably some new friends  . . . . . . . .  It’s all so exhausting.  

    Maybe I’ll make a list of my qualifications for Besties: Stylish -  that’s a given. Smart -  in case I need someone to do my homework. Supportive -  because someone has to stand behind me when I’m head cheerleader. . . . . . . . "   

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"Mirror, Mirror"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

"Mirror, Mirror in my hand.  What is IT about football?  I don't understand?"  

Trying to fit in and display the proper "team" spirit at school can be difficult when you are completely clueless about football.  Or any sports for that matter. Help!

" . . . . .  Today is the Pep Rally.  I have on my Team colors - which orange?  Seriously?  I look like a bumpy pumpkin.   And I’m ready to paste on my perky smile (big fake smile) and yell Go Team!  It’s either that or be shunned by the rest of the class since everyone in this school does nothing all day but (clench teeth) talk about football . . . . . . . . “Hey Dean.  So uh . . . see you at the game tonight?  Hope you hit lots of homeruns.  (eyes widen with shock) I mean touchdowns. (punches fist in air) Lots of touchdowns.  Go Team!” (Stop smiling as Dean leaves)   Great.  (picks up mirror again)    Mirror, mirror in my hand, any chance you could transport me to another land?  I hear France is nice this time of year.  (small nod)  And I’m pretty sure they don’t play football!  

 
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"Touching Normal"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx. 1 minute

Normal.  "Conforming to a standard, usual, or expected". That's what her Mom wants but in this sweet, hilarious monologue, a girl tries to explain how she doesn't want to be usual or expected.  

" . . . . . . after dinner I watched a documentary on rocks. That was when my Mother had her meltdown.  (Start losing it in Mom voice)  “You’re watching a tv show about rocks? You’re missing Cassie’s birthday party.  They went to the movies to see the new Channing Tatum movie.  And you’re watching a tv show about rocks?  ROCKS?”

 . . . . . . (Deadpan delivery)  I don’t think my Mother likes rocks.  . . . . . I love my Mom but I want to live in a world where I have no idea what I’m doing next.  I don’t want to be usual or expected. (passionately) I say Death to Normalcy! But (draw the word but out, scrunching your nose) . . . .  I probably shouldn’t tell my Mom that.  . . . . . "

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"Senorita Populares"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Approximately 2 - 2.5 minutes.

Attending a bilingual school?  No problem.  After all I have a translate app. This monologue incorporates both English and Spanish as a self-involved diva prepares to become Senorita Populares!  

" . . . . .This is so annoying.  I’m going to have to break in a whole new set of peeps. That takes forever.  (Gesture at self proudly)  At my old school I was Miss Popular  . . . . . I have a list of requirements for everyone I ask to be in my entourage.. . . . .The most important of course is they MUST be stylish.  Hello person in sparkle jeans. Donde compras? American Eagle? Hollister?  Delias?  I love Delias.  (Look shocked)  Excuse me but has dicho Justice?  What are you 8?  (Wave hand dismissively)  No, I’m sorry, just move along. (speaking louder and distinctly)  Has felado el elegant.. . . . . . .Alright La Academia de Brookville.  Be prepared to meet your future Senorita Populares."

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"Tweet Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx. 2 minutes.

What happens when a girl obsessed with twitter loses her tweeting privileges? It's a full scale disaster. Hip, funny and full of pop culture references, this monologue will help your young actress stand out in a crowd. 

Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is also included with this order.

Tweet Me

" . . . . It’s not fair! How can my Mother do this to me? It’s cruel and unusual punishment. (Pause and nod significantly) And probably against the child care laws. What was she thinking? My Mother actually grounded me from the internet. (Say as if you can’t believe it either) Seriously! I’m cut off from the rest of the world and have no idea what is going on out there. It’s driving me crazy! . . . . . . "My Mother says no one reads my tweets anyway.  Hello?  I have followers. Lots and lots of followers.  I saw the Avengers for the third time and I tweeted that “If the Avengers were really in charge, the world would be a better place.  AND CHRIS EVANS RETWEETED ME.  That’s right, Chris Evans, Captain America retweeted my tweet! . . . . . . " 

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"Kids For Sale"      new!

Male. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx. 1½ minutes.

Babysitting your little brother and little sister can't be that hard can it? 

A Longer Version, approx 2 minutes and a FEMALE version is also included in this order.

Kids For Sale

"Does anyone know how to spell incorrigible? Two R’s or one? Hmm. (Looks exasperated and then scribbles it out. Holds up paper as he recites) Let’s see, 2 children, ages 6 & 8, one male, one female, slightly disheveled but healthy, offered to highest bidder on ebay. Contact Iamlosingmymind@gmail.com. (Stand up leaving paper behind on chair and give a “what?” look at audience) Don’t look at me like that. You don’t know what I’ve been through."

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"Shall We Dance"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

A young girl experiences her first ballroom dancing class. 

Shall We Dance

 

"When I was little, I watched the movie “The King and I” on television. And when Yul Brynner held out his hand to Deborah Kerr (hold one hand out palm up) and she sang “Shall we Dance?  On a bright cloud of music, shall we fly?”, (bring arm back and hug body as you sway back and forth) I knew that some how, some day, I would do that.  I (hand to chest) would become a ballroom dancer. . . . . . . My first partner was Mr. Gelnecki. (Hold one hand out tentatively) He must have been at least 75 years old with false teeth and this horrible musty smell. (crinkle nose) We were supposed to be dancing the tango (strike tango pose) but as he bent me backwards (lean back), his teeth fell out on my chest. (Look down in horror)  . . . . I really, really need to stop watching old movies." 

 

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"Smitten"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minutes.

One minute you're carefree and popular and the next minute you've fallen for a "geekazoid". This wasn't part of the plan!  Heartwarming and funny, "Smitten" turns one girl's life upside down. 

Smitten

"I just don’t understand why I’m such a smitten kitten. My goals in boyfriends have always been (count off on fingers) “tall, dark and Captain of the football team”. And Rob is none of the above. (Soften voice again) But when he looks at me, it’s like he sees the real me, hidden beneath (put hand out with an of course gesture) my admittedly wonderful exterior. (Suddenly think of this and panic) And I don’t even know if he likes me. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he does like me and my friends find out? (Shake head sadly) My life is over. I’m doomed. Completely and totally doomed."

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"Melisande: The ONLY Singing Siren"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

What happens when a Siren, a mythical being who has the power to lure humans with the sound of her voice, finds out about Reality Singing Competitions?

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is also included in this purchase.

" . . . . . . . .Amazing what (pronoun it HEW MONS) humans have done.  Especially (speak television as if unsure how to say it)  tel - e - vi - sion.  (Squint eyes and lean forward as if watching tv)  But as I was watching something called The Voice, I saw humans trying to be Sirens!  (Shocked)  How dare they?  I am the only Siren! This has to be stopped!
    
    But when I asked how to find this “Voice”, they told me it was too late.  I would have to audition next year. (Seething with anger)
Audition? I am Melisande! (Clench fist and then slowly open it on realized)   I opened my mouth to destroy this puny human when I realized that this was what I was looking for.  A quest! . . . . . . . . . )

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"The Secret Life of a Teenage Spy"      new!

Male. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

The glamorous life of a spy? Hah!  If only.  

Secret Life of a Teenage Spy

 

"Dana’s Dancing Dogs Do the Fandango.  (Puzzled expression) It’s the password.  You’re not Ivan?  Oh . . . . uh . . . . never mind. (Starts whistling and gazing around innocently.  Then look SR and SL impatiently.  Look at watch.)   Where is he?  I’m supposed to meet Ivan, my “counterpart”, and receive an intelligence report. And he’s late.  Now I’m going to be late picking up Katie Salensky for the dance and her Dad will kill me. . . . . . "

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"The World's Greatest Spokesperson"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

The first step to becoming the WORLD'S GREATEST SPOKESPERSON is the Career Day Interview.  Which goes horribly, terribly wrong.  

A Longer Version, approx. 2 1/2 - 3 minutes is also included in this order.  

The World's Greatest Spokesperson

I was all set. It was in the bag. But somehow, (concerned expression) it didn’t turn out the way I planned. I was standing there, gracefully (pose) with my perky smile in place. And then they called my name. . . . . . (Start to walk out gracefully, smiling, trip, try not to fall, fall anyway, get up and finally stagger over to the podium. Freeze in place, smile, eyes big and petrified) My name? My name, right it’s uh . . . . .well of course I know my name, uh . . . My name(frantically thinking and finally yell first name)

  

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"Pumpkin Princess"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

The new Pumpkin Princess must decline the honor and sets the nominating board straight in a funny, no holds barred monologue that shows them that just because you are pretty, it does not mean that you are not dumb. 

" . . . . . . When I entered this pageant the application form stated the winner would receive a scholarship.  This made me very excited since I want to become a doctor.  Then I was told the scholarship was for free ice cream at Dairy Queen.  (Confusion)  Excuse me?  I asked Mr. Jackson how free ice cream is going to help my college expenses and he just leered at me and said (change voice to sound like a disgusting older man)  “I’d be happy to give you some extra tutoring sweetie.”  (Indignation)  Excuse me?  I am 13 years old.  You. .  . . well I would call you a name but my Mama raised me better than that. . . . . . . ."

 

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"Reciting Shakespeare"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 12-18. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

A student is assigned an essay on Shakespeare.  Discovering Shakespearean insults and trying to interpret Romeo and Juliet give him a new found respect for the Bard.  Very funny monologue with some epic Shakespeare lines included.   

A Longer Version, approx. 2 1/2 - 3 minutes is included with this purchase featuring Robert Downey, Jr's appearance as Iron Man to Hamlet!

 " . . . . . . .To help us get started Teach had us read Romeo and Juliet.  It was worse then when my little sister made me watch The Vampire Diaries and that was beyond horrible. (Strike a dramatic pose as recite) 

“Deny thy Father and refuse thy name or if not be but sworn my love and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”
 
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  From what I know about the play Juliet is all (say in girly voice when doing Juliet, deep masculine voice while doing Romeo)
 
Juliet: I love you.
Romeo: I love you too.
Juliet: My parents are freaking out.  I’m gonna kill myself.
Romeo: Juliet is dead?  I’m killing myself too.
 
People.  Make an emo post about your “complicated” relationship on Facebook and then GET OVER IT!!!! . . . . . . "
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"Me, My Mum and My English Teacher"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 14-18 . Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 - 2 minutes.

A hilarious, sitcom type monologue as a teenager discovers that his/her Mom is dating his/her English teacher.  

***This monologue has a PG-13 rating in that while it contains no bad language it does imply that the English teacher spent the night and the monologue is the teen freaking out over this.  

". . . . . .  So my Mum is dating my English teacher.  Mr. Spencer's a cool dude. . . . probably going to get a great grade in English this year.  I can be mature about this.  After all, it's not easy being a single Mum and dating is probably good for her.. . . . . . Wait.  Is that Mr. Spencer's jacket?  And his keys?  He spent the night?   . . . . . . . It's okay, I'm totally okay with all this.  It's healthy and normal and (break down yelling) I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.  . . . . 

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"The Dressing Room"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 2 ½ - 3 minutes.

A Costume Girl prepares the Dressing Room for the Star and reviews 4 important Notes to Self.

1.  Try to speak like a normal person and not an idiot in front of stage stars. 2.  Do not break props. 3.  You have no career in writing plays. 4.  Learn your lines.

 *This monologue contains props and accents. 

"Okie Dokie.  I’ll get everything picked up in a jiffy.  (Drop smile and then give an embarrassed groan)   Okie Dokie?  Did I really just say okie dokie to one of the greatest stars in American theater?  Note to self:  Try to speak like a normal person and not an idiot in front of stage stars.  . . . . . . .

(Walk to table and pick up wand) Though I’m not to old to play Glenda.  (Sweet, ootsy voice) “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?  Remember follow the Yellow brick road.”  (Strike wand down on table and it should break in two or the top fall off.  Panic as you pick up pieces) Oh no!  What did I do? . . . . . . "

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"Teenage Zombie"      new!

Male. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Brains! Brains! Must have brains! A teenage boy is turned into a zombie.  But is still pretty cool. Except for that whole eating brains thing.  

Teenage Zombie

"Brains! Brains! Must have brains. (Actor makes attempt to stand a little straighter, shaking head and trying to focus) I have the worse luck. I really do. Take tonight for example. I went to the school dance and after dithering about for ages, I finally got up the nerve to ask Amy to dance. (Shake a little and then regain control) I thought who knows? Maybe she’ll say yes. Hah! I got shot down, big time. . . . . . Did I get thanked? Did I get rewarded for being a nice person? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I got bitten. By Mrs. Murphy! . . . . "

 

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You are not breaking up with me, I am breaking up with you!      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

A teen demonstrates the proper way to break up with someone after she is dumped.  Hysterically funny including break up demonstrations from Titanic, Sleepless in Seattle and Pride & Prejudice.  

" . . . . . .If someone is going to break up with me, at least be bold and dramatic about it. If Jack was going to break up with Rose, he would make it special.  (acting this out with voice quivering from cold)  Clinging to that door in the ice water he would say:

    “ Rose, I think we should break up.  You’re spoiled and kind of selfish because there is PLENTY of room on that door and if you just scootched over a little, I could fit too but instead I’m probably going to freeze to death and drown so before I die I just wanted to say I’m breaking up with you.” . . . . . . . . . . . . "

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"Cain't Say No"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 2 & ½ minutes.

Told from the feisty viewpoint of Ado Annie from the musical Oklahoma.  Southern accent is necessary.  Included is an optional chorus of the song "Cain't Say No" at conclusion of monologue.  

A LONGER VERSION, approx 3-5 minutes is also included with this purchase.

Cain't Say No

"I am jist plumb confused. My life has mostly been perking along right nicely. Sure, I was always kind of small and puny (put hand out with a gesture for small) when I was a youngun but I was still (scrunch nose a little and say fast and feisty with a little attitude) fast and feisty. And iffen any boy gave me any grief, (snap finger at imaginary boy) I could always whomp em in a wrastling match . . . . . .My Paw told me I ain’t old enough to be a kissing boys. That if a feller tried to kiss me I should jist spit in his eye. (dreamy voice) But Slim, he was talking all perty saying my lips were like cherries . . . . . Course afterwards I had to punch him in his gut and run home . . . . . . . . "

 

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"The Road Test"      new!

Male. Age Range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

How can one simple little driving test go so disastrously wrong? 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.

 

" . . . . .Now it was time to hit the road.  My Mom was seated in the passenger seat and I was sitting pretty behind the wheel. . . . . . . I expected my Mom to be a little nervous. . . . . .  I was ready to be Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected.  But this is what I got.  (Change voice to higher pitch, frantic tones and gesture with body language.  Big terrified eyes) You’re in the ditch.  Get over!  Stay in the middle of the road. Wait, stop!  Stop!  That was a mailbox. You just hit a mailbox. Why are you looking at me?  Eyes! Eyes on the road. kay, so pull up to the parking bumper and stop.  No!  No!  Not over the bumper! (Voice rising louder & louder)  Look out!  Brake!  Brake!  Brake! . . . . "

    

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"Lucky"      new!

Male. Age Range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 3-5 minutes.

A Supernatural Private Eye?  Lucky does his best to keep the streets of Washington, DC safe from vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls.  Noir monologue done with Humphey Bogart attitude and humor. 

 

 

"Why hello.  I didn’t see you out there. (Gaze into distance) My mind was far away, dwelling in the dark, spooky side of town. Oh sure, Washington, D.C. looks bright and full of promise but that’s just on the surface. (squint eyes a little as you lower voice fo next line) Underneath, it’s teaming with supernatural lowlifes and creatures that go bump in the night.  (Cocky look) But I can handle it.  That’s my job. . . . . . . . . . . . .  And until the day the last slimey supernatural monster is vanquished, I’ll be out there too . . . . . . .The names Penny.  Lucky Penny. I’m in the book."

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"Afterlife"      new!

Female. Total length: Approx 30 seconds.

A sassy Grandma is looking forward to the Afterlife.  This monologue is great for classroom acting lessons.  

This monologue was featured in a book by Michael Rost.  

" . . . . Yes I’m dying but I am 85 years old.  I wasn’t going to live forever like some kind of zombie Grandma. . . . .   I want my sassy body back in the Afterlife.  I plan to sign up for a tour the galaxy and meet some aliens Afterlife or maybe the  . . . .  No sitting around on a cloud for me. . . . . . . "

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