Monologues : Comedy

Original, Contemporary, Unique Monologues for Kids and Teens listed in order of age.

"The Littlest Princess"      new!

Female. Age range: 3-5. Total length: Approx 30-45 seconds.

Short and spunky, this is the perfect monologue for a young actress with lots of personality. 

A Longer Version, approx. 1 minute, which adds adorable commentary about Jack and the Beanstalk, is included in this order.

The Princess

My Daddy says I’m his little Princess.

A Princess? Really? I love being a Princess! (claps hands with little jumps) Princesses are always pretty, perky, and very, very brave. (Pause, tilt head and place hands on hips) I wonder why no one ever told me this before! Of course, being a Princess is a big responsibility. . . . . . . . . . .

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"Barefoot Ballerina"      new!

Female. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What is a little ballerina to do when her puppy eats her dance shoes? 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5 - 2 minutes, is included in this purchase.  

Barefoot Ballerina

"When it was my turn, I would step on the stage and pose. (Stand up on tip toes with arms curved overhead like a ballerina and then relax and be all perky and bubbly) I wanted everyone to see my costume. It’s so pretty!  . . . .  But now I can’t even dance! . . . . . . .Presenting Belle, the Barefoot Ballerina"

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"Skitter"      new!

Male. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A boy is surprised to find out that his Mommy is afraid of bugs. 

 

" . . . . . So I asked Mommy what was wrong and she said “I hate bugs!”  Hate bugs? How could she hate bugs? Bugs are great! They have big eyes and lots of little legs to skitter around on.  Maybe, my Mommy doesn’t know that. Maybe she just needs to get to know bugs better. So, I found a big cockroach in my friend Mikey’s basement and I put it in a pretty little box with a pink bow on it. . . . . . . ."

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"Letter to the Tooth Fairy"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 3-6. Total length: Approx 1 minute

A young child offers some advice to the Tooth Fairy.

This purchase includes 3 different versions, 35 seconds, 1 minute and approx. 1 minute and a half, depending on your timing needs.

 

" . . . . . Dear Tooth Fairy.  Today I lost my first tooth.  My Mother told me that if put my tooth under my pillow, you would visit me while I was sleeping and leave me a dollar. . . . . . .   A dollar?  Seriously?  Can’t you do better than that? (Look up thinking)   Let’s see, what would I like? Hmm.  It would be fun to have a super power. . . . . . . . 

 

 

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"T-Ball Terror"      new!

Male. Age range 4-6. Total Length: Approx 1 minute

Everyone expected another T-Ball Terror.  Not a T-Ball Plopper.  

" . . . . . . . I begged my parents to let me quit. I cried. I threw temper tantrums.  But they keep making me go. They say honorable men don’t quit. Men? (spread arms)  I’m a little kid.  They say I’ll thank them some day. (confused)  I have no idea what they are talking about.  I guess I need new parents.  Maybe I can order some on Amazon.  That’s where Mom gets everything . . . . . . . "

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"How to Stop the Giggles"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 4-8. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

A young child ponders how to stop giggling.  Full of impish fun, this adorable monologue is perfect for a performer with a cute giggle.

". . . . I giggle all the time. I guess you could say I’m a very happy person.  But my Mom says I giggle too much and in all the wrong places.  So I HAVE to stop giggling.  . . . . ."

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"Peppa Pig"      new!

Female. Age range: 4-8. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Peppa Pig is accused of not being a proper pig.  In this hilarious monologue, Peppa explains exactly why she is a very proper pig.  

Actress must be able to sound like Peppa Pig with a British accent.

" . . . . (Look shocked)  Not a proper pig?  (very defiantly)  I am a very Proper Pig.  And so I said: “Proper Pigs always giggle.” (Fall down on the ground and giggle) “Proper Pigs sometimes snort. Though I do not.” (Snort very loudly.) "And Proper pigs always jump in muddy puddles. Even the Queen jumps in muddy puddles.” (Jump about a little) But you must wear your boots!” . . . . "

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"Tink"      new!

Female. Age range: 4-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Do you believe in fairies? Tinkerbelle owns the stage as she explains why you need to believe in fairies.  Sassy and cute with a great ending.  

Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes and an Audience participation version is also included in this purchase. 

 

"I almost disappeared. Me! Tinkerbelle! . . . . . . . repeat this phrase three times, “I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies. I do believe in fairies.” And never forget. Fairies are depending on you. After all, do you really want to be responsible for this? (Actress gives dramatic fall to stage, coughs and “dies” dramatically. Then pops her head up and smiles and says) Remember, you do believe in fairies. (Actress smiles, winks and then lays back down dramatically)

 

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"Pet Detective"      new!

Male. Age range: 4-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A boy finally figures out what he wants to be when he grows up.  Someone alert the Animal World!   

" . . . . . .Today we have to talk about what we want to be when we grow up.   What I want to be?  (Spread arms in a who knows gesture)  I’m 5 years old!  I have no idea what I want to be!  

    I didn’t know what to say (depressed voice) but then I remembered what happened yesterday.  My sister lost her pet gerbil Gina.  What a scene!  (Roll eyes)  She was sobbing and moaning (throw yourself down on floor)  “Gina is going to die!  She’ll be saying  (Talk in squeaky gerbil voice) “Water, water” (resume normal voice) and no one will hear her!” . . . . . . . ."

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"Goldie Takes Charge"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Goldilocks is trying to plan Mother Goose's Surprise Birthday Party but everyone keeps interrupting.  

" . . . . . Back to my plan. After we have our bowls of porridge, I’ll provide the entertainment. I was thinking of taking a nap which I do very well, or breaking a chair, which I also do very well. (irritated at another interruption, hands on hips) What is it now Little Miss Muffet? (shocked) What? I am not boring. Sitting on a tuffet and being scared of spiders is boring. No one is scared of spiders anymore. (shake finger at her) You should be scared of climate change . . . . . . . . . "

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"Barbie World"      new!

Female. Age range 5-8. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Barbies are still the best!

A Longer version, approx. 1.5 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

* You may request different Barbies than the ones described in this monologue and we will be happy to change it for you.

" . . . . . There are fabulous new dolls like Wonder Woman Barbie, which comes with a headdress, boots and armored bracelets. (cross arms in Wonder Woman pose and say) “I will fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.”  (Then fling arms wide and make an oops face) Sorry sis, I was just practicing my moves.  Or the new Boho Barbie.  I love her hair. (smile as you do a peace sign) “Peace is cool.”  And there’s so many more! . . . . . . . "

 

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"SuperBlue"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

The Blue Fairy is very tired of everyone lying to her.  So she's decided to become SUPERBLUE, The Avenging Blue Fairy.   

"  . . . . . . I'm the Blue Fairy.  Sweet (curtsy with big smile) adorable and I make your nose grow if you tell a lie. So why does everyone keep lying to me? 

 
  (twirl hair as you speak in clueless voice)  "Like I totally did the homework only my dog ate it."  (Change voice back)   Nose grows.  . . . . . . . "
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"Dear Guardian Angel: Help!"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Sometimes all you can do is pray to your Guardian Angel. Especially when your brand new puppy is destroying everything.  Oh no, was that the TV?

" . . . . And ten minutes ago the puppy knocked over Mommy’s Precious Moments cabinet. (bug eyes out and shake head sadly) It’s a massacre in there. Dear Guardian Angel.  What do I do? (Tilt head thinking a little) Maybe the puppy could rescue me from a well like Lassie.  Parents seem to like that. (look up and cringe as if hearing a very loud sound) What was that? (look offstage horrified)  No, not the TV! (Look back at audience) . . . . . . " 

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"A Dog's Life"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

It's not easy being a dog.  Especially when your Human wants you to keep chasing a ball  ALL THE TIME.  

" . . . . .  I’m not doing it. (shake head stubbornly)  Not this time.  (pleading voice, drop arms and gesture)  Why do Humans think that the ONLY thing I want to do in my life is chase that ball?   (Take one step forward)  Have you ever tried to put a ball in your mouth. (tilt head)  Wait.  Do I smell hamburgers? (excited voice)  I love hamburgers.  (look around and then pick up ball)  Where’s that ball? (use slightly louder voice as if yelling back)  Humans, I have the ball.  . . . .  Can I have a hamburger?  Please?  Please?  (start to leave and then turn back and with a big grin say) I just love being a dog!"

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"That's me, Jill"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

What's a nursery rhyme character to do when ALL she is known for is tumbling after Jack? Jill decides she needs a makeover. 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

That's Me, Jill

" . . . . . . The problem is that everyone else has all the good characteristics already. Goldilocks is all sweet and innocent (say this in big innocent voice, with wide eyes and sweet expression) “Oh I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your bed, Mr. Bear.” Red Riding Hood is the brave one up in the wolves’ face (put hands on hips and say in a brave voice) saying “Hands off Grandma Spunky!” And Bo Peep has the whole clueless thing going (say in airhead, clueless voice) “Sheep? Like I totally lost my sheep. (Small pause) Again!” And so here I am. Stuck with being the clutzy one . . . . . ."

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"Castles in the Clouds"      new!

Male or female. Age Range 5-9 Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

There are no Castles in the Clouds.  There are just clouds. Fluffy, floating clouds.  WHAT IS THE TEACHER TALKING ABOUT?  

"Nothing!  I see nothing! Our Teacher told us to go outside and look up in the sky. Then we were supposed to draw whatever we saw in the clouds. (look up) I looked up and saw clouds.  Fluffy, floating clouds. (spread arms)  So that’s what I drew. . . . . . . 

 

 

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"The Boyfriend"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Adorable monologue where a little girl tries to figure out a way to tell her parents she has a boyfriend.  Cute, funny and very age appropriate.   

3 Longer Versions are also included in this order.  

" . . . .  So I guess I have a boyfriend.  (smile, perky happy voice)   He brought me a cupcake for lunch and we held hands.  (scrunch nose a little)  His was really sweaty.  But then he tried to kiss me in the playground.  (disgusted)  Ewwwwww.   I had to punch him and tell him (shake finger)  NO KISSING!  That’s disgusting.  He said okay. . . . . . . "

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"Little Miss"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Little Miss Muffet does not like spiders.  And now everyone thinks she is a scaredy-cat.  This will not do at all!

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is also included with this purchase.  

" . . . . . . . Hello.  (wave)  My name is Little Miss Muffet.  (curtsy)  Yes, (sigh) that Little Miss Muffet. (singsong voice)  “Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey.” Which are really disgusting by the way but my Mommy made me eat it.  It’s supposed to help me get muscles. (hold up arms in muscle pose and look at arms as roll eyes)   It’s not working. . . . And I guess you know how it ends. (singsong voice)  “Along came a spider who sat  down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.”  And now everyone thinks I’m a scaredy cat. (mocking tone of voice) “Run away Little Miss Muffet.  (make an evil face with hands in claws)  Watch out or the Spiders will get you Little Miss Muffet.”  Errrr.  (clench hands in fists)I have to show everyone how brave I really am. . . . . . 

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"Big Girl Now"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A little girl simply does not understand why her parents don't realize she's a big girl now.  Cute, funny and packed with adorable moments.  

A Longer Version, approx. 3 minutes, is included with this purchase including a hilarious montage of possible careers.  

". . . . . . .Seriously?  Barbies are for babies.  (Puts hands on hips and then ask imploringly) Why can’t my parents see that I’m not a little girl anymore?  They keep treating me like a baby. Yesterday, I even had to have a tea party with my Dad.  It was horrible.  He pretended he was drinking tea and he kept talking to my stuffed bear.  (Use high squeaky voice) “Do you like your tea Mr. Boo Boo?  I just love my tea.”  (Pretend to drink with a big slurpy sound and then shudder)   I think I’m still traumatized. . . . . . .I may be only 8 years old but in my heart I’m totally a teenager.  I wonder if it’s too early to ask for driving lessons.  (Pose with big innocent eyes and cutesy face)  Oh Mom!  (Look straight at audience)  After all, I’m a big girl now!"

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"Mouseland"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 5-9. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Life in Mouseland has been sweet!  Lots of cheese, lots of nibbling.  But then the Mitchells bought a CAT! Life in Mouseland would never be the same.

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is included in this purchase.  

" . . . .  Life was truly sweet.  I loved Mouseland.  And then one day I heard the awful news.   (Open eyes wide with horror) The Mitchells had bought a cat.  A CAT????  I threw myself to the ground in despair.  (Actor throws himself down on stage and pounds fist on stage)   How could this happen?  This was a cat free zone.  And then, suddenly (sit up in terror) there it was.  The Cat!  I took a deep breath and prepared to meet my maker when the Cat said: (talk in surfer dude voice)

 
“Dude, what’s up?  I’m Simon.  Say. want to come with me & scare the neighbor’s yappy dog?”
 

The Cat didn’t want to eat me?  He wasn’t evil?  I’m very confused.  Life in Mouseland will never be the same.   (Sniff air) Wait.  Is that CHEESE?   . . . . . . "

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"A Star is Born"      new!

Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After considering her career options, a young girl decides that being a star is the life for her.  Cute, funny, and loaded with personality, this monologue says "Hey, look at me!"

A Shorter Version, approx 30-45 seconds, a Longer Version, approx 1.5 - 2 minutes, and an Even Longer Version, approx 3-5 minutes, are included with this order.  

 

"I’ve decided to become a Star. (Strike a dramatic pose with one hand in air, the other on hip as you say the word “star” dramatically) Yesterday our teacher told us to think about what we would like to be when we grow up.  What I want to be?  How do they expect me to choose? (grab hair dramatically) . . . . I could become President.  You get to tell people what to do and I’m very good at that. . . . . But, after considering all my options,  I’ve decided that  being a Star is the way to go. Money (rubs fingertips together), beautiful clothes (twirls around in a circle) and everyone would adore me. (Poses as if for a picture and blows kisses at the audience).. . . . ."

 

 

  

 

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"Fabulous Me"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A new baby in the house? No problem. Adorable monologue as a sassy little actress/actor lists the rules for bringing up parents properly.  

Longer Versions, approx 1.5 and 2 minutes, are also included with this purchase.  

Fabulous Me

"Parents! (Big sigh) When will they learn? You see, there’s going to be a new baby in our house. Another little girl. My Mommy is worried that I’m going to be jealous and suffer (use quote fingers) “abandonment issues”. (Dramatic voice with spreading arms gesture) Puh-leaze. Do they know me? I know how fabulous I am. (Pause and think) . . . . . . Number 3: And always be adorable. If all else fails, bring out the puppy dog eyes. (Big innocent eyes) After all, how can anyone resist this face? . . . . . . . . "

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"Can I Be Little Again?"      new!

Female. Age range 5-9. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

An hilarious look at how a simple sentence can be misunderstood by a child. 

"My Mommy says that I’m a big girl now. That I’m growing up and now I can do chores and be responsible. Chores?  Be responsible? (pace back and forth) I’m confused. I already pick up my room.  Well, (tilt head to one side) I pick up my clothes and put them in the laundry sometimes. Did she mean I have to do the laundry now? (eyes widen with panic) HOW DO YOU DO LAUNDRY? . . . . . . . . ."

 

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"Chip Tales"      new!

Male. Age range 6-10. Total length: Approx. 1 minute

The Adventures of Chip, who used to be a boy but is now a Teacup being DUSTED by Plumette!  Yuck!  Maybe he should be a Superhero.  Supercup? Chipinator?

" . . . .(Look up sharply) What was that? Someone is trying to get into the Castle. (look terrified and start flailing around) Help!  Help! We have Burglars! Someone call the Beast. Hurry! Roll me out of here. (Suddenly stop all movement) Wait a minute. What am I doing? (clap hands twice) Attention!  Attention everyone!  A stranger is trying to break into the Castle but there’s no need to worry.  The Chipinator is on the job . . . . . . . . ."

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"Fairy Ellie"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

It's Assignment Day for Fairies and Ellie can't wait to find out what type of Fairy she's going to be. 

 " . . . But the absolute worse fate would be to be assigned as a Tooth Fairy.  (Incredulously)  Spending my entire life picking up dirty, grungy teeth?  (Firm and with attitude) I don’t think so.  (Look up nervously)  Here they come.  The suspense is killing me.  (Pause and bite lip nervously)  . . . . . ."

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"Cake Princess"      new!

Female version. Age range: 6-10. Total length: Approx 30 - 45 seconds.

Look out Cake Boss.  The Cake Princess is taking over your title!

A Longer Version, approx 1- 1.5 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

"Butter, sugar, flour (counting off on fingers and then eyes widen)  Wait!  Where are my eggs? (Look around and then with wide shocked eyes say)   Logan!  Stop juggling my eggs.  Those are for my cake.  (clench fists and mutter)  Brothers. . . . . . .I know I’m going to win First place at the Baking contest.  Fame, fortune and Top Chef are right around the corner . . . . . . . . "

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"Dinoboy"      new!

Male. Age range: 6-10. Total Length: Approx. 1 minute.

A quiet student by day, a superhero by night. Dinoboy travels back in time, with his trusty sidekick T. Rex Bob, to watch over the dinosaurs and save the world from time traveling bad guys. 

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 - 2 minutes and an Even Longer Version, approximately 3-4 minutes with bonus Iron Man is also included in this order.

 

"Little do my parents know, but I lead a double life. Quiet student by day (look innocent) and superhero Dinoboy by night. (Hands on hips, standing proudly) . . . . . . . Bob, gets easily distracted.  I blame it on his tiny, pea-sized brain. (gesture with fingers showing a tiny amount) Yesterday, we were on a mission and he got mad at a pterodactyl and started chasing it. (Throw arms up in air in frustration)  I kept telling him “Bob!  Pterodactyls can fly and you can’t.” but he just wouldn’t listen.   He’s like (speaking in a surfer dude voice) “Whatever dude.  I want that bird.” . . . . . . "

 

 

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"Magic the Magnificent Carpet"      new!

Male or Female. Age Range 6-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute and 1/2.

The Magic Carpet speaks up.  Funny and packed with personality, this monologue will shine the spotlight on you.

A Longer Version, approximately 2 minutes, is included in this purchse.

"I’ve been rolled up in a closet while the Sultan’s relatives visit. . . . . .  The kids are ALWAYS asking me to give them a ride. And because I’m a nice Carpet, I do.  But this is what I have to put up with. (talk like a bratty kid.  Scrunch face up and whine) “Go faster, faster!  You’re too slow.  This is boring.  Stupid carpet.” But I don’t think they’ll be asking for any rides in the future since I (draw the word accidently out with emphasis) accidently dropped the last kid into the palace moat.  (Big smile and then look innocent) What?  (spread arms)  There was a wind current.  NOT MY FAULT. . . . . . . "

 

 
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"Little Boy Blue"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Boy Blue has big plans to become Little Boy Black, Mother Goose SUPERHERO.  If he could only sell his silly horn.  

"“Slightly battered horn.  Useful for calling sheep.  Buy it now for $20.00. Bidding ends 6/26, 12:30pm.” . . . . . .  I’ve decided to become LITTLE BOY BLACK.   And instead of some dumb horn say hello to Mr. Crossbow.  I mean what good is a horn anyway? You blow it, people come running (fling hands up in air sarcastically)   Woo Hoo.  But with a crossbow I can be a hero.  (Aim imaginary arrow up in air to side to side as you say) “Ka pow!”  Swallow this Mr. Wolf. “Ka ching!”  In your eye Mr. Troll. .  . . . . . . "

 
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"The Yes Mouse"      new!

Female. Age range 6-12. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes.

Minnie is so very tired of being a yes mouse.  Of standing in the background smiling while everyone is looking at Mickey.  It's time to say No Mickey!  

"No!  No Mickey!  No, no, no!  (Stop looking angry and look determined) There.  That wasn’t so hard.  I can do that. I’m so tired of being (cute pose) “Sweet Minnie Mouse”.   All I ever say is (give big smile) “Yes Mickey.  Of course Mickey.  (Clap hands) That sounds wonderful Mickey.”  . . . . . . . . . .    Yes Mickey, I’m ready to go.  (Sigh and start to walk and then determinedly stop and repeat the stomps as you say the no lines again)  No!  No Mickey!  No, no, no!  I don’t think you look nice.  That bow tie looks silly.  I am not going to the photo shoot.  I have my own plans today.  I’m going to go . . . um . . . . . . SKYDIVING!  And other dramatic things . . . . . . . . "

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"Bunnyhood"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

In an effort to improve bunny/human relations, a young bunny explains the Basics of Bunnyhood.  

"Put me down!  Careful, careful, watch the ears!  No (shake head) I do not want a 

carrot.  I’m good.  Now hop along.  (make shooing hand motions).  Bye! (Wave hand and then say with frustration)  Humans!  They’re so needy.  Ever since I moved here from the farm, they never leave me alone.  Always watching me, picking me up - (very dramatic) I need my space! . . . . . . . .So, in an effort to improve bunny/human relations I have prepared the Basics of Bunnyhood.  (clear throat and hold one finger up) . . . . "
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"YouTube Diva"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total Length: Approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes.

In this monologue a girl decides that becoming a YouTube star is the perfect path to fame. 

A Shorter Version, apppoximately 1 minute, and a Longer Version, approximately 3 minutes, is also included in this order. 

 

"It's time for me to become a star. (Strike a dramatic sassy pose)  I mean, I LOVE to act but lately everybody else seems to be becoming famous before me.  (Scrunch face and spread arms confusedly)  What’s up with that? Clearly, I need to step up my game. I considered my options: . . . . .I can see it all now.  Accompanied by my goofy sidekick, I could become the NEXT BIG DISNEY STAR!!!!!  But (sigh) there is a lot of competition right now with all the other Disney starlets.. . . . . . That's the answer.  I’ll post a video on Youtube. Why, I’ll be famous before you know it. . . . . " 

 

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"Rules of Supernatural Life"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

An Elf. Stuck in Supernatural School With a long, long, LONG list of impossible rules.  

 

" . . . . . . (Whining)  Too many rules. The list goes on and on.  So please. (pleading tone with hands clasped imploringly)  I’m begging you. Stop loving the Supernatural.  Don’t buy the books.  Don’t watch the movies. We are not cuddly. (stamp foot) We are sneaky and scary and you should run.  After all, an angry elf is not to be trifled with. (Hands on hips with fierce expression) That’s my Supernatural Rule.  Don’t mess with an angry elf. (Pause) Please?" 

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"The Story of Jack"      new!

Male. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Jack is sooooo tired of having to fetch another pail of water. Jack, from the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill, is hoping today he FINALLY has an adventure. 

" . . . . Every day I keep hoping that this will be the day I’ll FINALLY have an adventure.  (look around stealthily) Maybe today bandits will attack us and grab Jill demanding all our money.  I’d be so cool.  (stand with swagger)   I’d be all “Dude!  Wazzup?  (wink) Nice day for a robbery.”  And then I’d casually saunter closer (take a couple of steps)  and then Hai Yah!  (Jump and do karate kick while yelling Hai Yah) Ka Pow!  (Do quick fist, fist punch)   That will teach you to mess with Jack.  Jack 1, Bandits 0. . . . Or . . . . . . . . . maybe when we got to the top of the hill, the well would be surrounded by slithering snakes.  And Jill is screaming and going (change voice so you sound like Jill and jump up and down all scared and frantic) “Ew, snakes.  Ewww, Jack, Do something!” . . . . . . . 

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"Gretel"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

That Hansel.  Always exaggerating.  In this hilarious monologue, Gretel sets the story straight about what really happened with the Witch and the Candy House.

A Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

"Hello. Would you like a piece of candy?  I’ve got plenty. (wrap lollipop in paper and put in pocket as you say the next line)  Just one of the perks of knowing someone with a candy house. (smile and then tilt head as if listening)  Tried to eat me?  (make a disgusted face)  Eww, gross. What are you talking about?  (listen and then roll eyes) Oh please, don’t be silly.  That’s not what really happened.  (place hands on hip)  Hansel!  What have you been telling people? . . . . . . . .  Hansel broke off a piece and took a bite.  BIG MISTAKE!  (Shake head) Witches do NOT like you eating their houses.  Fortunately for Hansel, (place hands on chest) I know how to treat a witch.  (say the word number one holding up finger

1. Grovel.  (fall to knees and do a salaam) We are so, so sorry. Please forgive us oh glorious one. . . . . . . "

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"Just Call Me Bo"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Bo Peep is tired of being known as the clueless airhead who keeps losing her sheep. In this sassy, funny monologue, Bo Peep decides it's time to change her image. 

A Longer version,  approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this order.  

Just Call Me Bo

 

"Alright, that’s it! I have had enough. I am tired of being known as (change angry expression to big, innocent eyes, clasp hands in front of you and say in sing song voice) “Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep.” (Change voice back to sarcastic tones and put finger up as you enunciate letter very clearly) FYI, I did not lose my sheep NOR am I a clueless air head like everyone thinks. If you want to talk air heads you should see Goldilocks. She’s all (change to clueless voice as you tilt your head and twirl a lock of hair) “What chair am I supposed to sit on again? I like totally forget.” (Change voice back to frustrated) And she says that EVERY SINGLE TIME she goes to the Three Bears. . . . . . ."

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"Circus of Wonders"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A girl presents her bedroom, also known as THE CIRCUS OF WONDERS.  Okay maybe it's not actually a circus but if you plan to be a ringmaster - or own your own talk show someday - it never hurts to practice. 

A Longer Version, approx 1.5 minutes, is included in this purchase. An Alternative Version featuring Beanie Boos, is also included in this purchase.  

"Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and girls! Welcome to the Circus of Wonders! (Say Wonders in a breathy, awwww tone of voice and then giggle) Actually it’s my bedroom but I like to pretend it’s a circus.  I’m going to be a Ringmaster some day, or (tilt head) maybe a talk show host, and I have to practice . . . . . . Finally, don’t forget to stop at Scooterland where you can hop aboard and experience all the wonders of Suburbia.  But please keep your hands inside the scooter when we pass the home of the Terrifying Toddlers or you could end up covered in Peanut butter and jelly. . . . . . . "

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"But I'm a Princess!"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Being a Princess is not as great as it sounds.  

A Longer version, approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

 

"  . . . . . . My parents, the King and Queen, give me anything I want. (count off on your fingers) A pony, the latest Iphone, a closet full of designer clothes, my own water park, (spread arms) anything my heart desires.  It all sounds great doesn’t it?  Trust me, it’s not.  (Clench fists in anger)  I hate being a Princess!  I never get to go anywhere alone, everyone pretends to like me and people won’t stop bowing which means I have to keep curtsying. (Curtsy two times)   My back hurts and I’m starting to get dizzy.  (Rub back then get dreamy far off look in eyes). . . . . . . "

 

 

 

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"The Little Goddess"      new!

Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Life as an Egyptian Goddess would be awesome if your parents would ever let you actually do anything!  

"Finally!  I thought that trip down the Nile would NEVER end.  I love my family but they are always arguing.  Who’s the most powerful God?  Who has the best animal head? (lean forward as if telling a secret) I voted for the Cat Head but don’t tell Anubis.  He’s so touchy.  And every single day Ra had to jump up on the edge of the barge and yell “I’m the King of the world!” (Spread your arms in the Titanic pose).   It’s so embarrassing.  (roll eyes) . . . . But every time I mention taking up my goddess duties, my parents just pat me on the head and tell me to go ride a camel and to stop bothering them.  But some day I’m going to be the best goddess ever! . . . . . 

 
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"Grumpy"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 6-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Grumpy the dwarf just wants EVERYONE to stop taking his picture.

A Longer version, approx. 1.5 minutes, where Grumpy discusses a Disney promo and gives his hilarious impression of a Disney Princess is now included.  

"Stop taking pictures!  Go away!  (Unfold arms) No, I am not cute and cuddly when I get grumpy . . . .  . . . . . Why am I so popular?  I just don't get it.  I'm Grumpy .  . . . Oh no.  More tourists.  Quick Grumpy, think evil thoughts so they will go away. (Make grumpy, evil faces as you say each name) Let’s see. . . . . . Justin Bieber . . . . .  Brussel sprouts . . . . . . . Lawyers! . . . . . . "   

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"Let it Go"      new!

Female. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Where are all the normal looking Princesses?  Why do people just suddenly burst into song? And why is our Chorus Teacher making us sing that song?  No, no, not THAT song!

A Longer Version, approx. 1 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.   

" . . . . . . . And they ALWAYS have to be rescued by a Prince. Every single time.  The Princess usually starts brave. (Put hands on hips)   “I’m the Princess, I must save the day.”  But one scene later and it’s (look around terrified as you speak with a quavering voice)  “Help me.  Save me Prince Charming, Prince Eric, Prince whatever your name is.” What a bunch of weinies!   Save yourself! . . . . . . . ."

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"Man of the House"      new!

Male. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Man of the House? Does that mean shaving? Driving? A young boy tries to imagine what his life is going to be like as the Man of the house. 

A Slightly Shorter Version, that does not include a divorce, is also included with this purchase.  

Man of the House

.....my Mom told me that now I'm the man of the house. The man? Me? (grab chestwith both hands).

Does that mean I have to take over everything my Dad use to do? (pace back and forth). . . . . . . .

I guess I'll have to start watching football and yell atthe tv a lot. (Yell and point finger threateningly) Hey Ref! Are you blind? That guywas clearly (pause and try to think of a penalty in football) uh . . . clearly . . . . doingsomething really bad! . . . . . .

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"The Loneliest T-Rex"      new!

Male. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A lonely T-Rex tries to find ways to get the other dinosaurs to play with him in this hilarious monologue.  

Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this order.  

 

" . . . . . . I don’t see why I can’t play with other dinosaurs. Maybe I’m not asking right.  I do have a very tiny brain. (look up and wave) Hi Ricky!  (Quickly turn head as you wave again as if someone has ran past you very fast) Bye Ricky!  That was Ricky the Raptor.  He’s really fast.  And totally cool.  Everyone likes Ricky  . . . . . .Maybe I should add some swag? (Sound really cool bouncing a little with swag and attitude) “Yo!  Steggie! (Point with attitude)  Love the spikes!” . . . . . . . . 

 

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"Practically Twins"      new!

Female. Age range: 7-12. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A girl imagines what her life will be like now that she has a new baby sister. 

 

"Attention World!  I am now officially a big sister.  My Mom finally had the baby and it’s a girl!  I did not want a baby brother. My friend Sarah has a little brother and he is so annoying. He’s always sticking things in his nose and once he ATE A BUG.  (Disgusted shudder)  I won’t have that problem.   When I went to the hospital my Mom said that my little sister and I look exactly alike.  That we were practically twins.  I love being a twin!  When she grows up a little we’ll do everything together. . . . . . . "

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"Behold Your Prince"      new!

Male. Age Range 7-12 yrs. Total Length: 1½ minutes

It's not easy being a Prince.  Where are all the dragons? 

A Shorter Version, age range 5-8, approx 45 seconds and a Longer Version, approx. 2 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . It was different back in the olden days.  Princes got to have lots of adventures. They would slay dragons (swings imaginary sword in the air), fight giants (doubles fist in air and jabs a few times), and save the kingdom from evil invaders.  Because there was always someone sly and sinister who pretended to be your friend but was secretly trying to take over the kingdom.  But they would never get past me.  I can picture it all now.  

(Brave, superhero face and stance, heroic voice)“Why hello, my trusted companion.  How are things in my kingdom today?”

(Sneaky, evil face with crouching body stance, sneaky voice) “All is well your majesty.”

(Brave, hero voice) “Then why are your evil minions trying to sneak into my castle?  (Give a karate kick) Hi yah!  (Pose again with hands on hips) Guards!  Take this traitor away!" . . . . . . "

 

 
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"Little Lamb"      new!

Female. Age range 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Mary had a Little Lamb is now trending on twitter.  She loves her little lamb but she keeps following her EVERYWHERE.  

" . . . .Yesterday she followed me to school and it was a disaster. (wide eyes with unhappy face)  The teacher, Mrs. Jack Sprat, glared at me and the kids wouldn’t stop laughing.  (Point finger as if a school kid and make the baaa words sound like a lamb baaaaing)

 
“Hey Mary!  Did you give your lamb a baaaaaaaaaaath?” (Point other way)
 
“Don’t look baaaaaaaack.  There’s a lamb following you.”
 
They posted pictures on Facebook and I heard that “Mary had a Little Lamb” was trending on twitter.  (Big sigh) What a mess. . . . . . . "
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"Starbucks Addiction"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

One sip of Starbuck's Cotton Candy Frappucino and a Starbucks addiction is born.  But how to pay for it?  Cute, funny monologue for a bubbly personality.  

A Longer Version, approx. 3 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

"Today I discovered Cotton Candy heaven.  One sip of Starbuck’s Cotton Candy Frappucino and I understood why my Mom HAS to stop at Starbuck’s every day. Now I need to stop at Starbuck’s every day.  But does my family support my new addiction? (shocked face)  No! My Mom told me I can have all the Cotton Candy frapps I want as long as I pay for it.  My brother had a laughing fit and my Dad wants to sign me up for therapy for my (change voice as you say strange & disturbing) “strange and disturbing addiction”. (sarcastic) Thanks for all the support family. . . . . . . . . "

 

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"Rogue Rabbits Ate My Homework"      new!

Male or Female. Age Range: 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

It's not easy telling your Teacher you didn't do your homework.  You have to have a GREAT excuse!  

" . . . My Cat started talking and she had so much to say that it took all night.(emotional face) Who knew Cats had so many feelings?(Squinch face up thinking and again very dramatically) A herd of rogue rabbits attacked our house and started eating everything in sight, including my homework. The only thing they left was (disgusted face) Dad’s stinky sneakers. . . "

 

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"Sincerely, Your Son Cedric"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Cedric's parents have sent him to America to learn more about American culture.  It is not working out.  AT ALL. Hilarious monologue with several character voices.  

*Actor must be able to do a British accent.

" . . . . Dear Mother and Father. Please let me come home. While I appreciate the opportunity to learn about America I’m afraid it’s not quite working out.  Apparently I (say this in a surfer laid back hippie voice) “suck at football dude” and (say this in a clueless, cheerleader girl voice) am “A Total Fashion Disaster”.  . . . . . . Also, you have not answered my phone calls for the last 6 months.  Have you moved?  Please don’t leave me here any longer. Aunt Edith and Uncle George watch reality shows every night. And I really don’t want to know who is going to win Big Brother  . . . . . . . . ."

 

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"Saving the World: One Adventure at a Time"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Someone has to have adventures and laugh in the face of danger.    

 

" . . . . Besides, I already know what I want to do with my life.  (Stand with hands on hips, confident expression)   I’m going to become a famous adventurer.  As far as I can tell, no one has adventures anymore.  The world needs me! . . . .

 . . . . . . . I'm even ready to stand tall and laugh in the face of danger, no matter what it is.  I can see it all now.  I'll pretend to play along and make some snarky wisecracks just to show how cool I am (cock head with cool expression) But suddenly (bring arms dramatically forward)  I'll escape and totally whomp Mr. Big Bad.  (pause and look thoughtful) I should probably learn karate.  . . . . . . . ."

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"The Cool Kid"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute

Another new school.  Being the new kid AGAIN.  The only solution?  Being the cool new kid. Everybody likes the cool kids.    

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes is also included with this purchase.  

" . . . . And on and on and if you answer one thing wrong, you’re branded as a geek or weirdo. I refuse to go through that again.  I have to become cool.  Everybody likes the cool kids. (Hold one finger up)  

    Step 1.  Look cool.  I ripped up my jeans and I borrowed my brother’s hair gel.  (Touch hair with expression of disgust on face)  It feels like a cat threw up on my head, but I totally look cool. . . . ."

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"Divatude"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Sometimes you just can't help but show a little "tude". Whether you are at Starbucks, School, the Mall or Disney World.  

A Longer version, approximately 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

 

"My teacher asked our class to describe our personality in one word. . . . . . . Me? I’m a diva. (Place hands on hip with attitude) I like a lot of attention and I like to do things my way. (Tap chest with one finger) But it’s not easy. . . . (Hands on hips, tapping toe impatiently)  “Excuse me, I need some service. I have been standing in line for 10 minutes. I’m going to miss Pretty Little Liars. (or insert another trendy tv show).  And I expect a free caramel latte for all the aggravation you put me through . . . . "

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"No Shoes"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

Mowgli has to go to Jungle School which is really boring and he has to wear shoes! Hilarious take on Mowgli's life after "Jungle Book". 

" . . . . Now I go to school and the teacher keeps telling me to memorize dates.  , , , ,  I do know one important date. The date King Louie and I sang “I wanna be like you” for the Jungle Talent Show. (talk/sing while prancing a little) “I wanna walk like you, talk like you too”. We were great! And we would have won if Louie hadn’t forgotten the choreography and suddenly started twerking on stage. (shake head sadly) It was not a pretty sight. Monkeys. (roll eyes) . . . . . "

 

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"Don't Feed the Monkeys"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

It's People Watching Time at the Zoo and the Monkeys are really looking forward to it.  

"It’s People Watching Time! When the gates open at the Zoo, the People think they are coming to watch us. Hah! Maybe that’s true over at the Cat Cage. Those tigers are the Next Top Models of the Animal Kingdom.  (swing head around and pose) Take my picture People. Because I look grrrrrrreat! (Roll eyes) Tigers. 

But at the Monkey Cage, we watch the People. Of course, we never just sit around and watch. (spread arms)  We’re Monkeys! We watch and we have fun. . . . . . . And it works every time. I get all kinds of food thrown at me even though there are signs everywhere saying Don’t Feed the Monkeys! (Spread arms) What can I say? I got talent. . . . .

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"Supertwins"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Life as an identical twin is sometimes really annoying but it can also sometimes be really amazing.  Especially when you  can fool people.     

" . . . .everyone loves us.  They act like identical twins are the most amazing thing in the world. Everyone is always saying (change your voice to sound like a grandma as you clasp your hands together) “They look adorable.” (Change voice again to sound confused with arms spread apart) “I can’t tell them apart.”  (Change voice a third time to a questioning tone and put hands on hips) “Now which one are you?” . . . . . "

 

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"The Cat in the Hat is Back"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

The Cat in the Hat is a bit confused.  Why can't he rhyme? Did Thing 1 and Thing 2 shrink his brain?

Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

“Look at me.  Look at me now.  It’s fun to have fun so . . . . . . .”  So......... go buy a cow?  (Shake head looking confused) No, that’s not right.  So everyone meow?  No, that’s not it either.  (grab head) Why can’t I rhyme?  (looks down and eyes bug out) And why am I so small?  Did someone shrink me?  Thing 1, Thing 2, where are you? (worriedly)  This is bad.  This is very bad. (Strike a Cat in the Hat pose)“ Thing 1, Thing 2, why am I small?   I need a ladder just to be ball.” (get angry & pace a couple of steps) Ball?  No, that’s not right . . . . . . . ."

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"IT WAS A UNICORN!!!"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1.5 - 2 minutes.

When you watch Sister Act and decide to paint a mural on the wall to make an unattractive neighborhood look nicer and NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS!  

" . . . . So after alot of arguing (roll eyes), we compromised and decided to paint a unicorn. It looked beautiful. . . . We had saved the neighborhood. Just like the nuns. Everyone was going to love us! (dramatic pause)  No one loved us. No one even knew what it was. (change voice to sound very dumb) “Is that an alien? Dude, did we get invaded last night?” (change voice to sound like a scared little kid) “Mommy, there’s a monster on the wall! I’m scared!” . . . . . . . . . "

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"A Pirate's Life is NOT for me"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes

Ben does NOT want to be pirate.  Oh sure his Dad is a pirate and his grandfather was a pirate but why does everyone just assume he wants to be a pirate too?  Hilarious monologue as a boy tries to convince his family that he prefers being a doctor.  

" . . . . . . My Grandparents are already working on my pirate name.  So far most of their names all have the word blood in them. (disgusted tone) I don’t want to be Bloody Ben.   That’s disgusting.   Can you imagine what it’s going to be like when I’m a teenager?  (change voice and swagger a little) “Hi. Want to dance?  My name? It’s Bloody Ben but (change voice to sound panicky) . . . wait, don’t leave.  . . . . . . . . . .

 . . . . .  I’m not going to become a pirate.   I’m not going to be Bloody anything.  I’m going to be a doctor.  You want some yo hos? “Yo ho, yo ho, a doctor’s life for me.”

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"Snow White and the Quest for a Ball Gown"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Snow White needs a Ball Gown but when she opens the wrong door at the castle, she finds herself at Bloomingdales.   

A Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes is also included in this order. 

"Hello?  (Looking around) What a strange place. Hello? Could someone help me? I need a Ball Gown.  (Smile sweetly)  My Prince is throwing a Ball for me.  I was looking for the castle seamstress but I seem to have gotten a little lost.  This castle is so much bigger than the dwarf’s cottage.  I opened a strange door and here I am.  (look confused).  At (say this very slowly as if unsure of the pronunciation) something called Bloomingdales.  (React as if suddenly seeing someone)  Oh hello.  My name is Snow White and I’m ---- oh my goodness are you alright? Were you attacked?  Half of your garment is torn off of you.  (look confused saying crop top as if you never heard them before) A crop top?  Oh.  (Shake head sweetly but confused)  No, I do not believe I would like a (say crop top slowly and distinctly) crop top for the ball. . . . . . . . " 

 

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"Hey Humans! Show Me Your World"      new!

Male or female. Age Range 8-12. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

The Sea is impossible during the Triton Festival.  Sharks are smizing, dolphins won't stop singing and whales are belly flopping.  Time to find some legs and see the Human World.   

"Ariel was right.  Legs are pretty cool.  (wobbles a little shakily again before finding balance )   Kind of wobbly though.   But I had to get away.  The Sea is impossible right now.  Everyone is so caught up in the Triton Festival that I can’t even swim in peace.  I tried to swim over to the seaweed maze but the whales are all practicing their belly flops to see who can get the biggest splash.  They’re all: (say in surfer dude voice standing with cool attitude)

 
“Dude, I totally splashed that cruise ship.  Top that!” . . . . . . . . . "
 
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"Dear Fairy Godmother"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

A sassy Fairy Godmother reads the morning wishes.  

Longer Version, approximate 2-3 minutes included in this order.  And an Even Longer Version with a different ending is also included.  

" . . .  Dear Fairy Godmother, Please let Justin Bieber fall in love with me.  (groans and rolls her eyes)   Not again!  (Sighs and in a loud tone of voice) Attention teenage girls of the world. . . . . . . . .  Dear Fairy Godmother.  Please let me meet a vampire who I can share true love with forever. Humans, listen to me.  Vampires are not nice.  No matter what you read or watch on TV. (grab your neck with both hands)  They bite your neck and suck your blood out until you are dead.   Why does no one think about these things?  . . . .   Please change me into a Superhero so I can join the Avengers.  Besides,  I would look cool with a cape . . . .   (Picks up wand and waves in air) Granted.    I hereby dub you . . . . . uh . . . . Squirrel Boy?  Frogman?  I’ll have to work on it. (gleeful expression as rub hands with delight) This is going to be so much fun!"

 
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"The Other Mermaid"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1.5-2 minutes.

Coral, The Other Mermaid, is very frustrated with all the attention Ariel is getting and would like everyone to know there are other mermaids under the sea too. 

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is included in this purchase.  

The Other Mermaid

“Under the Sea. Under the Sea. Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me.” (Mermaid Pose) What? (Pause as if listening and then in a frustrated tone of voice) No. I am NOT Ariel. (Goes back to pose and then act as if listening again) No, I do not have a best friend named Flounder. (Again go back to posing while starting to seethe and grit teeth as you smile) No, I did not marry Prince Eric. (Start to pose again and then lose temper and stomp feet as say angrily) No! No! No! Okay time out. . . . . My name is Coral and even though I don’t have red hair, I have adventures too.. . . . . . . . . .(Place hands on hips) It’s time other mermaids like me got some attention. I’m brave - (dangerous, glaring expression) “Listen Mr. Killer shark. I like humans so move it. Or you’ll have to answer to me.” (Sweet, determined expression) I’m helpful - “Look, crabs and lobsters have got to stop fighting. A little Puffer fish almost lost a scale last night. Now pinch and make up.” . . . . . . Forget Ariel. Presenting Coral, the OTHER Little Mermaid."

 

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"Ninjago"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ - 2 minutes.

Using Ninjago legos as part of a history project leads to hilarity. Especially when your Mother is trying to get you to clean your room.  

" . . . . . . . Okay let’s see.  I have my warriors ready, my weapons are all put together and the next step is building the dragon.  Wait.  Where’s my dragon kit?  It was right there on the table before I went to school today. (start panicking)  Mom!  Mom!  Where’s my dragon kit?  I have to have it.  Without dragons my ninjas are just standing around looking stupid.  (Listen and widen eyes incredulously)   The dog ate it?  Seriously?  This can’t be happening.  (Grab head in woe) I’m going to fail.  (Pause and then say sarcastically) Oh very funny.  Ha, ha, my mother the comedian.  You know, the American Board of Pediatrics does not approve of giving heart attacks to your children.  Can I have my dragon kit back now? . . . . . . . ."

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"Sparkle"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

Sparkle the Fairy is attending Fairy Training School.  And it is not going well AT ALL.  

A Longer version, approx 2-3 minutes, is also included in this order.

 

" . . . .  You see today was my very first day as a FIT. (Lean forward and stage whisper) Fairy in Training. I’ve been waiting for this day forever. . . . . . .But somehow, things didn’t go the way I thought they would. (Sigh) . . . . . .You see Fairies have very strict rules about interacting with humans.. . . . Fairy Rule Number 1. Fairy Dust is strictly forbidden. (Bite lip with guilty eyes)  I only used a little. Truly. And I thought this rule only applied to humans.  Who knew that flying kittens were against the rules?  (Perplexed face). . . . ."

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"The King of Soccer"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

The King of Soccer just realized he is terrible at English. Maybe it was time to actually start studying.  

" . . . . . .  I was supposed to write a paper about Shakespeare last night. (pull paper out of pocket) I wrote:  “Shakespeare has a lot of plays. People talk a lot in his plays. People also die a lot in his plays.” (Look up with wide, panicked eyes) This is terrible! I can’t write! (Unbelieving) Why didn’t anyone ever tell me I can’t write? I don’t want people to say “Make way, make way for the King of Soccer WHO CAN’T WRITE.” . . . . . ."

 

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"Just Call Me Charlie Brown"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A boy is having a very bad, very Charlie Brown sort of day. 

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this order. 

Just Call Me Charlie Brown

 

"I am having a terrible day. Everything is going wrong. At school the teacher said the most dreaded words in the English language. Pop quiz! (Grab hair in anguish) My mind went totally blank. And that was just the beginning. I spilled spaghetti sauce all over my new shirt at lunch so that I spent the rest of the day looking like I just got shot in the chest (grab chest dramatically).. . . . . . . I can’t stand it! I’m having such a bad day. (Resigned expression of doom) Just call me Charlie Brown."

 

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"Rockstar"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After being called boring at school, a kid decides it's time to become a Rockstar!    

A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

 

" . . . . I’ll need a hit video.  I can picture it all now.  The lights come up and there I am, gazing intensely into the camera.  Fireworks explode around me as I walk forward and . . . . . . . and . . . . . . wait!  Should I start singing or should I keep staring?  I could give my “I feel the pain face” (hands are fisted as you bend body a little making an angsty, emotional face) and then my “I’m so tragic face” (twist features into sad look as you relax body lines and curl into yourself) and then go into my “But I’m still so cool” face. (cocky face with hands on hips) Hmmm.  Maybe hire some Disney kids to sing backup? (Shrug) Oh well, I’ll figure it all out.  And as soon as I go viral, my name will be on everyone’s lips. . . . "

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"Little Red"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Little Red Riding Hood has had just about enough of Mr. Wolf. 

A Longer Version, approx 1 and 1/2 minutes, and an even Longer Version, approx 3-5 minutes, are also included in this order.

 

"It’s not easy being me.  I mean yes, I am absolutely adorable.  But, the problem with being known as Little Red is every Tom, Dick and Harry Wolfe thinks he will be the one to finally capture me.  I’ve tried everything to make people stop including sweetly reasoning: “Please don’t grab me.  I’m on my way to Grandma’s House and I don’t want to be late.” Stern language: Actress stands sternly, shaking finger and speaks in a tough voice.  “Stop that right  now! I’m going to be late!  But nothing works. . . . . ."

 

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"Dreaming of This Moment"      new!

Female. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

A girl is standing in line for her first Swim Meet, a moment she has dreamed of all her life.  But what if she is in the middle of the pool and suddenly forgets how to swim?  Or a shark jumped in when no one was looking?  It could happen!

"This is it! My first Swim Meet. I’ve been dreaming of this moment all my life. (drop hands and dreamy expression) No, that’s not right. I didn’t dream about swimming when I was a baby. (shrug) I don’t know what I dreamed about then. Anyway, (clasp hands again dreamily) I’ve been dreaming of this moment all my life except when I was a baby. (drop hands and dreamy expression)  No, that’s not right either.  I didn’t dream about swimming when I was 5.  I dreamed about being Jasmine.  I really wanted a magic carpet. . . . . " 

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"Boy Power"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What is a boy to do when he's surrounded by girls? 3 sisters, 4 aunts, 12 cousins, a mother and two grandmothers. If you're the only boy in the family, sometimes you have to adopt DRASTIC measures. 

A Longer version, approx. 1.5 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . today the teacher asked me to play a girl in our school play. (outraged voice) Seriously? She tried to tell me I was the only actor good enough to do it, but this was the last straw!  I am not a girl. (Clench fist and stamp foot in anger) So, I’ve decided it’s time to bring a little boy power into my life. I’ve made a list of ideas.  (Pull list out of pocket)  
Step 1: Talk like a famous movie tough guy.

A. “You talking to me?  I said, are you talking to me?” (Speak like Robert  DeNiro in Taxi Driver.  Hold finger out pointing at audience)

B. “Go ahead punk.  Make my day.” (Speak like Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry.  Squint eyes like Clint does)

Step 2: Be ready to wrestle over anything. . . . . . . "

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"Goldie"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Goldilocks? A criminal? All she did was close her eyes for a moment. In this monologue, offering emotions ranging from angry to sweet, Goldilocks attempts to explain what happened the day she visited the Three Bears.  

A Longer Version, approx. 1.5 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

 

" . . . . . What is the meaning of this? This article is all wrong. I am not a (actress looksdown and reads from paper) "Cute, blonde, criminal who has no respect for personal property." Criminal? That's not me. (Gesture at chest and then clench fists and stompfoot with each not) Not, not, not. (Take deep breath and smile)

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose my temper likethat. Let me introduce myself. My name is Goldie (giggle) and yes, I did fall asleep inthe Three Bears cottage but there was a very good reason for that.. . . . . ."

 

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"Lizard Boy: SUPERHERO"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes

A boy finally finds  out what is Superpower is and he HATES it.  

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this order. 

" . . . . . Maybe my Superpower would be flying. I would love to fly.  Or maybe I’d be super speedy like my Dad.  I’d even be happy if I ended up being invisiboy like my Mom.  I was ready.  I stood there in the Super Circle. (Raise arms above head in a v shape)   I could feel my Super Power entering me (dramatic pause) . . . . . . . . . .(drop arms) and I turned into a lizard. That’s right a lizard.  Not a gigantic Tyrannosaurus Rex lizard.  Nope.  A teeny, tiny little lizard.
 
I HATE my Super Power.  Dad thinks it’s great.  I can crawl under doors and get secret information without being seen. That is if NO ONE STEPS ON ME! . . . . . . "
 
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"Why is Batgirl last?"      new!

Female. Age range 8-12. Total Length: Approx. 1.5 minutes

Batgirl is not happy about being last on the list of Superheroes and Secret Crimefighters.  

" . . . . . .Why is Batgirl last? I fight crime. I battle villains. I should not be last. It’s true I don’t have a superpower. I don’t turn green and hulk out. I’m not superfast and I can’t fly. But I am super smart.  Batman and Robin get trapped all the time and I’m the one who saves them  And I have something no one here has.  My utility belt! It has everything. Snacks: Because sometimes it takes FOREVER to fight the bad guys. . . . . . My Phone: Because sometimes you need to google how to escape a dungeon full of crocodiles. . . . . . "

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"Pageant Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Being a full glitz Pageant Diva isn't easy. Spray tan disasters, flying hair extensions and rhinestones everywhere! 

A Longer Version, approximate 1.5 - 2 minutes is also included in this purchase.  

 

"Let’s face it. It’s not easy to be me. Perky, Straight A student by day (pause and add with attitude in voice) well if we don’t count PE because hello? Who runs a mile in 88 degree weather? I refuse to do that to myself. Anyway, perky student by day and (strike a pose as you say Pageant Diva) Pageant Diva by night. And trust me, being a full glitz Pageant Diva is hard, hard work. I mean, I could spend all my time posting on Instagram like everyone else in my class. (with attitude)  But no.  I am out there working it.  . . . . ."

 

 

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"The Princess Rules"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A boring list of "Princess Rules" inspires this Princess to rebel.  And her country will just have to get over it!  

"My governess just gave me this.  It’s a list of rules. Princess Rules.  All the things a Princess should be.  She says I need to study it and become a better Princess or I will disgrace my country.  (spread arms wide)  I’m 9 years old. How can I disgrace my country?  (look at list)1. A Princess is noble. (look up) Noble?  What does that even mean? (speak in a snooty voice) “Oh yes, my great, great whatever Grandfather did chop off your great, great whatever grandfather’s head.  Let’s be noble together and have tea. . . . . . . . .  . "

 

 

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"Purr-fect"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 2 minutes.

Told from the point of view of a cat, life is practically "purrfect" until the humans she lives with buy a puppy!

A 30 second version of this monologue, is also included in this purchase. 

 

" . . . . and it must be said that my life is practically purrfect (roll r’s a little when you say purrrr) in every way. . . . . . then an utter disaster occurred. (Outraged voice) The teenager brought him a puppy! . . . And the next thing you know I’m being followed everywhere by this bouncy creature who never leaves me alone and keeps drooling ALL OVER ME. (Gesture at self) . . . . . . . But today, somehow (voice starts breaking, quavering a little) the puppy got out of the house and ran into the street. And there was this car and . . . .So they have to fix him. (Stomp foot) I demand it. . . . . "

 

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"Riding Fashionista"      new!

Female version. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?  A Fashion Diva goes to Riding Camp and can not believe her eyes!

" . . . .  Is that girl wearing a flowered dress?  We’re going horseback riding not having (speak in a British accent while pretending to hold a teacup with one pinkie lifted) “tea with the Queen”.  And excuse me?  Yes you (point finger) with the ripped jeans and the shirt with holes in it.  I know we’re outside and it is more casual but we’re not going to be rolling around in the dirt. (put hands on hips)  Have a little respect for your horse! . . . . . . . . . " 

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"A Diva’s Life"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Life isn't easy when you're a diva.  EVERYTHING is dramatic.  This monologue is packed with attitude, comedy and a wide range of emotions.  

A Longer Version, approx. 2 & 1/2 minutes, is also included with this order  featuring the "Sacred Rules of Divatude".

A Diva’s Life

 

"I’m a diva. I admit it. I like a lot of attention and I like to do things my way.  Some people think that’s a bad thing.  Please. (Say this as puh-lease with attitude)  The world would be a much more sad and dreary place without divas. We add drama and excitement to most people’s boring, humdrum lives. When I enter a room, everyone notices me. (Pause and then steps forward as if entering a room) “I’m here!  Sorry I was late but an old man keeled over right in front of me and I had to do CPR for HOURS, but I totally saved his life.” . . . . .

My report wasn't ready.  I tried to read that book. . .. . . It was all "Yes Marmee.  No Marmme.  Whatever you say Marmee."   What a bunch of weinies!  Not a diva in sight. . . . . He was going to give me a bad grade.  Me! (grab chest dramatically) So I had to go all diva on him.  I sobbed.  I threw myself to the ground. . . . "

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"Gifted"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Gifted, clueless and trying to survive science class.  A funny monologue exploring all the problems that come with a high IQ!

A Longer Version, approx. 2 & 1/2 minutes is also included with this order.

" An IQ over 160.  Gifted.  So much potential.  Your life is perfect. (big sigh) . . . .  I’m not like everyone else.   At school the classes are easy so I don’t always pay attention.  Teachers hate that. (change to sarcastic teacher voice)   Not paying attention again Miss Collins?  You’re going to end up on the streets, homeless and begging for food money.  (throw yourself to floor with one hand up and plead) “Please sir, can you spare any change?  I haven’t eaten since Tuesday.” (Stand up) That’s your future if you don’t (shout) PAY ATTENTION.    

 
And my social life is even worse.   Girls my age like (tick off with fingers)  new clothes, Facebook and something called a Bieber. (Roll eyes)  And since I don’t update my Facebook status every ½ hour, I’ve been labeled a (change to clueless voice) loser. . . . . . . .  Could someone wake me up when it’s time to start college?" 
 
 
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"Fashion Disaster"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Shopping with Grandma?  This is not going to turn out well.    

 

 
" . . . . . . . . .Sadly, (shake head sadly)  she has no fashion taste whatsoever. Yesterday she bought me a pink sweater with a huge kitty on the front.  It was hideously ugly.  But Grandma was ecstatic.  She kept saying (use ootsy Grandma voice) “You look adorable! Let me take a picture for my Facebook page.”  And then she started insisting that I wear it to school the next day. I could picture it all now.  The entire class walking up to me and purring or rubbing my head as they called me kittycat.  My life would be ruined. I stood there grimly awaiting my fate when my Grandmother turned to me and said “Wait!  Let’s be a little more edgy.”  Edgy?  (Excited dreamy face and voice) Visions of a black leather jacket and ripped jeans danced in my eyes.  (look down and then back up)  . . . . . "
 
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"Jan Brady Syndrome"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 2 - 2.5 minutes.

It's not easy being the the one in the middle.  When your older sister is a complete brain and your younger sister is a dazzling star and you're just . . . . the Other One. The Jan Brady one.  In this hilarious monologue, a girl tries to find something she is good at before her Grandparents come to visit again.  

A Shorter Version, approximate 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.

" . . . . .  Every time Grandpa visits it’s always the same thing.   (act out Grandpa, changing face and big booming voice)  “Tina!  How’s my little Brainiac?  Have you won that Nobel Prize yet? And Kate!  My little Superstar!  You deserved an Oscar for that last performance. (clutch chest dramatically)   I was sobbing.”  Then he looks at me.  “And . . . .  and . . . my other little granddaughter! (do ootchy voice as if talking to a puppy)  How’s my widdle sweetie?”  And then he ruffles my hair.  (clench teeth)  Every single time!  I am so tired of being the “the other one”.  I  need to be something . . . . . "

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"Totally, Totally Me!"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 ½ - 2 minutes.

Mom breaks her leg?  Helping at home?  Projects at school? Ack!  Drowning in desperation a delightfully determined student finds a way to save the day.  

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute is also inclued in this order.  

 

" . . . . . . I’m not prepared for my presentation.  (Panicked voice that rises with each line in desperation) What if I fail?  What if I get put on the loser track?  What if I end up working at McDonalds asking “do you want fries with that” for the rest of my life?

    (Take a deep breath and settle down and then say with determination) Deep breaths in, deep breaths out.  I can do this.  I’ll just . . . . improv.  Let’s see, my presentation is about the Middle Ages.  People were uh . . . poor, dirty . . . . . . . . . . "

 

 

 

 

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"Sleepover"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

An EPIC sleepover, complete with Sleepover cheers, wretched little brothers and non-stop fun.  

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . . . . Then we watched Bring it on again because it totally rules and decided we had to create our own Sleepover cheer.  We only got as far as (say this in perky, cheerleader voice.  Can add in cheer gestures if you like pumping fist up into air) “We’re awesome!  We’re great!  Our Sleepover kicks your face.” when suddenly we heard this crashing sound in the kitchen. (Panicked, terrified voice)   Someone was trying to break into my house! . . . . "

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"Grandma's a Spy?"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Is Grandma a spy?  In the witness protection program? Writing an essay about your summer vacation is hard work.

Longer Version, approx. 2 minutes with zombies, is included in this order.

" . . . . . Maybe Grandma had witnessed a gruesome crime and had to testify against the Mob and then go into the witness protection program where she could never speak to her family again. Or maybe she was a spy and this was her last chance to see her family before she left on a suicide mission.  A mission where she had to get one vital piece of information before she was captured and never seen again.  I couldn’t wait to find out why this was her (said with dramatic intensity) “last summer”. . . . . . . "

 

 

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"Closing Mother Gooseland"      new!

Male/Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1 - 1 and 1/2 minutes.

Mother Gooseland is closing.  Which means the Lost Sheep are going on a cruise, Little Miss Muffet is auditioning for Dance Moms and nonstop comedy offering a wonderful range for a young performer.

A Longer Version, approx. 2 - 2 &1/2 minutes, is also included in this order.  

" . . . . . . . Oh and Bo Peep before I forget, the Lost Sheep want you to know they are on a Disney cruise and to STOP LOOKING FOR THEM. (Look back at clipboard) Moving on . . no, Mary I don't think you and your Little Lamb should become zombies. I know The Walking Dead is popular but you just don't give off that zombie vibe. (Look in opposite direction) Big Bad Wolf could you please stop blowing things over? (look back to other side) No, I don't know any real estate agents who specialize in selling shoes  Little Old Woman. Come on, everyone get back in line. (Throw clipboard down on stagein anger) Alright that's it. I quit . . . . . . . ."

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"Droids Do Not Have Emotions"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total Length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Droids are not supposed to have emotions.  But when you are trapped on earth and a cow won't stop licking you, it's hard to stay calm.  Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. 

" . . . . .I’ve been stuck in this cow meadow forever. It’s worse than being captured by Jawas. Cows are very confusing. I tried to speak to one.  I am a BB12.  I speak 3 million languages. So I said: “Greetings Earthling.”  The cow licked me. I said:  “Where is your leader?  I have important information about the rebellion.” The cow licked me again. (Scowl)  I do not like cows.  I miss Luke.  I miss Rey.  I even miss C3PO.  But don’t tell him I said that.  So I have decided to send a message into the sky every night . . . . . . . . . . ."

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"The Angel of Mondays"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes

The Angel of Mondays is so tired of all the "I hate Mondays" prayers and is considering a new job.  The Angel of Renaming Animals?  The Angel of Cat Hair? Anything but the Angel of Mondays. 

"Mondays! (Spread arms wide)  What did I ever do to deserve to be assigned as The Angel of Mondays?  Everyone HATES Mondays. . . . . . . I know most of the Angel jobs are taken but I had a few ideas.  Like The Angel of Renaming Animals.  Think of the poor Platypus.  What kind of name is that?  . . . . . . "

 

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"Fairy Tale Tomboy"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Getting married and living “happily ever after” is not for this spunky Fairy Tale Tomboy Princess. 

A Longer Version, approximately 2-3 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

 

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess who married the handsome Prince and they lived happily ever after.” Time out! Stop the presses! I don't want to get married and live happily ever after.. . . . .Happily ever after means boring balls . . . .  And that evil dragon? Not evil at all.  He keeps accidently setting things on fire. Then he spends the night crying outside my window about what a bad dragon he is and to please, please forgive him. And all the birds in the Kingdom won’t stop making me clothes that are really ugly.  . . .I’ve decided that I’m going to rewrite the end of my story. I want to have adventures that DON’T end when I get married . . . . . . . . "

 

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"Mona Lisa's Smile"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes.

Mona Lisa is EXTREMELY frustrated with Leonardo Di Vinci as he keeps asking her for another different expression and another different pose.  What does this wretched painter want?  Very funny monologue capturing the thought process that led to the famous Mona Lisa painting.  

*An Italian accent is helpful when doing this monologue but is not necessary.  

" . . . . Yesterday Leonardo di Vinci came to see me.. . . Come.  Sit.  I will paint you.  And then the world will love you forever.” So I come. (gesture at chair) I sit. (shrug) But he does not know what he wants. . . . he said “Just smile.” So I smile. I have been told I have a beautiful smile. (Make a big exaggerated smile showing all your teeth) But the next thing I hear is (drop to knees and pound stage as you say in Leonardo voice) “No, no, no.  There are too many teeth. Why do you have so many teeth?”  (Slowly stand seething with anger) Too many teeth? . . . . . "

 

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"The Queen of Hearts (very nicely)      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 2 minutes.

The Queen of Hearts is holding a Press Conference.  And "very nicely" trying to describe her day. A hilarious monologue offering an actress a wonderful range of emotions.  

Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, and a Longer Version, approx. 3 minutes, and an Even Longer Version, approx. 4 minutes is also included in this purchase.  Just added per a client's respect, a Very Long Version, approximately 4.5-5 minutes.  

" . . . . Greetings royal subjects, random people who I have no idea who you are and members of the Press.   Welcome.  My PR people have informed me that I’m not very popular.  They say and I quote “People find your anger off putting.  You know the whole off with their heads thing.  No one likes you.”  (Angrily) Whatever!  (Pause, take breath and give big fake smile again) I mean how terribly distressing.  So in an effort to clear up this horribly untrue image I would like to present A DAY IN THE LIFE OF THE QUEEN OF HEARTS.

 
(Clear throat) The Day begins.  I wake up and my breakfast tray is not there.  Are you kidding me?  I - very nicely  - summoned my Maid and said - again very nicely - Where is my breakfast?  And she said (speak Maid’s lines in a British accent) 
 
“Oh mum.  There was a terrible accident in the kitchen.  The footman slipped and boiling water flew everywhere.  So breakfast was delayed.”
 
Normally I would say OFF WITH YOUR HEAD but I - very nicely - said OFF WITH THEIR HEADS; not blaming my maid at all. . . . . . . "
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"The Rapping Teapot"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1.5-2 minutes.

Mother Goose saw Hamilton and now wants everyone to do a rap video.  How is The Little Teapot supposed to "rise up"? 

A Shorter Version, approximately 1 minute, is also included in this order. 

"Oh dear, oh dear.  (Stop and do teapot pose as you say) “I’m a Little Teapot, short and stout. (look confused and tentative as you say) Here is my handle . . . . . (very dramatically say yo as you indicate arm)  Yo!  (Shake head and put hand up again as you say)  . . . .. No, that’s not right either.  I can’t rap.  I can’t!  Mother Goose wants everyone to do a rap video.  She saw Hamilton last month and nothing has been the same since.  She walks all over Mother Gooseland saying (say rise up very dramatically) “Rise up, rise up”.  I don’t know what that means. . . . . . "

 

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"Spy School Dropout"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Finding out your parents are spies isn't that bad.  Being sent to Spy School isn't that bad.  But Spy School classes? Dangerous Animals class, Explosions class?  Mom, Dad, we need to talk.  

"  . . . . .Then, they sprang Surprise Number 3 on me. They told me was time for me go to Spy School. To teach me how to react if a bad guy captures and tortures me. (wide eyed terror)  Torture?  The first class at Spy School was Dangerous Animals. Chased by Dobermans, thrown into a pit of snakes and I can’t even talk about the room full of spiders.  Ewwww!  (brush hands frantically over body)  The second class was explosions . . . . . ."

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"Cheftastic"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

When you're auditioning for Master Chef Junior, you pull out all the stops.  A hilarious monologue depicting 3 "not so perfect" audition dishes.  

". . . . . . Dish Number 2. For my protein I created Duck a la . . . . . . . .Duck. I know it’s supposed to be Duck a la Orange but I didn’t have any orange juice or white wine vinegar or any other ala Orange ingredients.  I asked my Mom to buy them but she just patted me on the head and said go pick out a cereal.  So it’s just Duck. Duck ala Duck.. . . . "

 

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"ILovemydog.com"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Does my Mom love my dog more than me?  The evidence is piling up.  Dear ILovemydog.com. Help!

"Dear Ilovemydog.com. (desperate face)  HELP!  I think my Mom loves our dog more than me.  I got an A on my Science test and was so excited. I burst into the house (change your voice when you are saying what the Mom says) and my Mom said “Quiet!  Bradley is having a bad day.” . .. . . . . . . And we went to Freedom Bark Park instead of Disney World because Bradley needed a vacation too. (shocked realization)  My Mom really does love our dog more than me. . . . . ." 

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"How to Survive Tea Parties, False Teeth & Pigs"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 - 1.5 minutes.

When your Mother sends you on a "quest" every summer to build your character, you never know where you might end up.    

"This is it!  (Holds up envelope) My summer project. Part of my Mother’s ongoing quest to build my “character”. (Gesture to self)   Personally, I think my character is just fine but we live in Alaska and I think my Mother is worried that I’m going to wake up one day and suddenly decide I want to live in the woods. So every year I have a different summer project that’s supposed to help me grow and develop my character. . . . . . . .What? (yells) MOTHER!!!!!!"

 

 

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"Royal Mixup"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A mixup at the hospital?  I'm not really Prince Edwin of Morovia? I'm something called a Travis Shoop?  Wait, WHAT?  

*British and Southern accents are needed for this monologue.

" . . . . .  This is ridiculous! I am clearly the Prince. I can bow with flair, (give sweeping bow) speak to foreign ambassadors and (sway a little with hand on stomach) waltz divinely. Can this Travis person do that?  (Angrily)  No.  He’s a buffoon. He walked into the Palace and said (speak with Southern accent) “Well slap my head and call me silly. This is big. But where did y’all hide the tv?” (Back to British accent)  He can’t run Morovia.  He’ll ruin it! . . . . "

"

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"Maid for a Day"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Washing dishes by hand? Cleaning her brother's room? A girl is assigned a list of chores for going over her cell phone family plan data limits.   

A Longer Version, approx 2 minutes, filled with even more disastrous chores, is also included in this order and an Even Longer Version, approx. 3-5 minutes, is also included in this order.

 

 

"Why did they give me a cell phone if they didn’t want me to use it?  . . .  So, I had to promise to do this huge list of chores today. (Actress pulls out list from pocket and reads) . . . . .Number 1. Clean my brother’s room. It was disgusting. (Make a disgusted face, scrunching up nose and act like stepping over mounds of clothing) I had to step over huge mounds of rotting clothes and empty food wrappers. And when I reached down to pull up the covers on his bed, his gerbil jumped on me. (Actress starts screeching and wiping at shoulders as she jumps up and down) Ew! Ew! Rodent! I have rodent feet on me! (Huge, shuddering sigh) And that was only the beginning . . . . . . "

 

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"To the Batmobile!"      new!

Male. Age range 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1.5 - 2 minutes.

Batman is giving a press conference.  Yes, he may have a lot of accidents but he is not clumsy.  Hilarious monologue featuring descriptions of capturing the Riddler, Joker and Catwoman. 

" . . . . No, I am not clumsy. No, I do not have a lot of accidents.  Stop! (Squinch eyes suspiciously)  No more questions for I have determined that you are no reporter. You are actually that capricious criminal (swing head to audience again) “Catwoman”.  Drop that weapon because I have (pull out of pocket and hold up in air) Catnip. (act as if Catwomen is crawling up you) Halt! Get off me! ( fall down lying on your back on the stage.  Say next line looking up at Catwoman on top of you)You are under arrest.  . . . . . . "

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"Welcome to the 80's: The Olden Days"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 & ½ minutes.

Life in the Olden Days, the 1980's!  Big hair, phones with cords and legwarmers! A girl looks through her Mother's Photo album with hilarious results.  

A Longer Version, approx. 2 - 3 minutes, is included with this order.  This version includes several 1980's songs including Thriller.  

An Even Longer Version, approx. 4 minutes is also included featuring a paragraph about prank calls. 

" . . . . . there it was. (widen eyes) A picture of my Mother with big, poofy hair.  (Make voice incredulous) Out in public!  And her clothes.  In one picture she was wearing these furry things called leg warmers.  Leg warmers?  If your legs are cold, PUT ON SOME PANTS!  

 
(Shakes head)  What a weird time to live.  The strangest thing though was their phones. They had cords.  Cords!  You had to stand there and talk into a phone that was plugged into the wall. (Spread arms a little)  What did they do when they were outside? . . . .   And I guess they had no apps on their phones at all.  I can’t even imagine. . . . . . . "
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"Hickory, Dickory Dock"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total Length: Approx. 1.5-2 minutes.

It's time for the Clock Climbing Oympics again.  And this year the Mouse is going to claim the Clock Climbing Crown.    

"It’s that time of year again. The Clock Climbing Olympics! This year I’m going to win.   No more disgrace.  No more humiliation. No more  (talk in an oostsy sounding voice like you’re talking to a puppy or baby) “It’s okay.  You’re still a cute little mouse.”  I am not cute!  I am a (make a muscle man pose) fierce mouse and this year I’m going to show everyone.  I will get to the top of that clock before one and claim the “Clock Climbing Crown". . . . . . . . ."

 

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"Elfspeak"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1½ minutes.

Torquil the Elf.  Dramatic, a little sassy, and definitely NOT a cute little Disney elf.  

*This monologue is from the published M4K play "The Laughing Phantom" . 

 

" . . . . . If I had my way, all fairy tales would start much more dramatically. Something like (Change voice to excited, very dramatic and intense.  Wave hands around and crouch) there was blood and guts everywhere. People were dropping like flies. The zombies were attacking! Terror had turned everyone into tiny, shivering little rats. (pause and tilt head to one side)  Not bad huh?  Got you on the edge of your seats didn’t it?  I tell you if I ever decide to head out to Hollywood, I would own that city. . . . . . "

 

 

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"Backstage at the Talent Show"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A reporter for the Student News channel tries to interview the contestants backstage at a student channel show with hilarious results.  

 

" . . . . . . Let’s interview Rob Maxwell.  As you know, Rob is the Captain of our Football Team.  I wonder what his hidden talent is.  Hi Rob.  This is Mandy Peters, Student News. What is your hidden talent?  (look confused) Why are you saying Knock, Knock.  No I don’t want to say . . . . . Fine. Who’s there?  Boo who?  No, I’m not crying.  That’s really not funny.  You can stop laughing now. That’s your talent? Knock Knock jokes? . . . . . . . . . "

 

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"Bus Stop"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

This bus stop is full of crazy characters.

A Shorter Version, appoximately 1 minute, is also included in this purchase.   

 

" . . . . . .This bus stop is full of very strange people. Monday and Friday I have to ride with Mr. Germaphobe. (rolls eyes)   He sprays the entire bench with Lysol as soon as he gets here. And then if I try to sit down, he goes crazy! (Speaking in a prissy voice, holding hands up in protest and scooting down bench)  “No, no.  Don’t sit near me! You’re germy!” (shuddering and then dropping character and resuming normal voice) . . . . On Tuesday, the “spy” rides the bus. I don’t think he’s really a spy but if he is, he’s the world’s worse spy. . . . . . . . . . "

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"Living With The Pet Whisperer"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What's a wannabe cheerleader supposed to do when there is a horse in the kitchen, a goat in her closet and a monkey in the car seat? Living with her Mother, the Pet Whisperer, is not easy and there's a very good reason she was late to cheerleading tryouts. 

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 - 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

 

"Am I too late? (Pleading expression) Please, please tell me I’m not too late. You see I was delayed by a tragic frog incident and I simply have to try out.  I mean, I’m destined to become a cheerleader.. . . . I love animals but they are RUINING my life. So I’ve prepared a new list of rules for living with my Mother, the Pet Whisperer. No animals in the bathroom.  Sharing a shower with a gerbil is not as much   fun as you would think.. . . . . "

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"Bring it Blobby!"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Someone has to save the world from Big, Blobby things! Especially if you are "The One".  (whatever that means) 

 

" . . . . . I am pretty fast.  That comes in handy when big, blobby things are after you. (start talking like Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver and stand aggressively with attitude) “You talking to me?  Bring it blobby! You know for a Big Bad, you’re a total weinie. My grandmother moves faster than you!” (Change tone and talk normal, as in aside) Blobby things HATE it when you call them weinies. . . . . I saved the world.  (Pause and look depressed) But today?  Today I have a math test.  (Look up) Hello?  Universe?  Can I please save the world again today? Please?"

 

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"Back to Nature"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Surviving a "Back to Nature" weekend with your parents is not easy.  Not easy at all. 

A Longer Version, approximately 4-5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

"I’m home!  (waves to one side)   Hi TV.  I missed you. And Refrigerator. You look amazing.  I’ve been camping. Or, as my parents like to say, enjoying a “Back to Nature” weekend. About a year ago they went to a seminar and since then they keep wanting to make memories to last a lifetime.  We went to India for a “Back to Hinduism” weekend. (shaking head) Cows are really not that fun to hang out with. . . . . .There were bugs everywhere. And raccoons are not cute and loveable like Disney says. (hold up one finger and say in an outraged tone)  That little beast bit me! (look up) Hi Mom. Next weekend is “Back to the Cave?” (Do a thumbs up with a fixed grin on face and then look at audience) Would anyone like to adopt me?"  

 

 
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"My Human is Driving Me Crazy"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

A Guardian begs to be reassigned to a different Human.  One that doesn't dress up as an Avenger or is "Born to be Wild". Please?

A Longer Version, approximately 2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

"Sir?  I’m sorry to bother you but I was wondering if I could possibly be reassigned? (pleading) I know I’m supposed to be guiding him to his ultimate destiny but (frustrated yell as grab head)  MY HUMAN IS DRIVING ME CRAZY! . . . .. Last week we went to a gathering where he dressed up as something called an Avenger. .  . . The week before that he spent hours saying things like "What did one traffic light say to another? Don’t look I’m changing.” I checked to see if he had suffered a blow to the head  . . . . . "

 
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"Let's Go Home, Toto"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Dorothy thought it would be fun to have her friends from Oz visit her school.  Bad idea.  Very bad idea.  

"Oh my goodness!  (Look around worriedly) Toto?  Toto! (Finally find him) There you are. (Hold arms out for Toto and then slowly drop)  Please don’t be mad at me Toto.  I told the Flying Monkeys you didn’t like heights but Flying Monkeys are very hard to reason with.  (Shake head sadly as you look around) The worse part was when the people from the Emerald City arrived.  They looked so green and pretty. But as soon as they walked in everybody started screaming. (yell while looking terrified)  Zombies!  It’s the Walking Dead!  . . . . "

 

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"Shut Up and Dance"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes.

Inside the inner monologue of a dancer on the day Talent Scouts visit a dance recital.  The moment you've been waiting for all your life!

A Shorter Version, approx 1 minute, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . . . a few tiny problems occurred during the recital. Hillary crashed into me during the jazz dance and the next thing you know (panicked face) I’m lying on the ground while the rest of the class is still dancing. I had to think fast so I did some artistic rolling looking very dramatic and hoped everyone would think it was part of the dance. . . . . . . What if I’m not on the list?  My life would be over. (despair) I can see it all now. Thrown off the dance team, living in my parent’s basement, working at McDonalds . . . . . . "

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"Minecraft Survivor"      new!

Male. Age range 8-12. Total length: Approx 1 minute

Who is the ultimate Minecraft Survivor?  Announcing the 3 finalists for the ULTIMATE MINECRAFTER!  

" . . . . Next, we have Joe Dule, the All American Minecrafter. Just look at those muscles. Remember:(speak in a dumb, deep, Hulk type voice, doing a muscleman pose) Joe Build. Joe Mine.  Joe Destroy. (put arms over head in victory) Go Joe! (Back to normal voice) Joe, you do know this isn’t Hulk Survivor right?  Okay, just checking. And our last finalist is that (voice gets frightened) Creeper over there . . . . "

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"Acting Class Lessons"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 - 2 minutes

Acting class lessons?  The best night of the week!  

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is also included in this purchase.

" . . . . . . .But for me Thursday night means acting class.  I love to go to class and  become someone else.  Because if you start acting like a schizophrenic maniac at the grocery store, they will ask you to leave.  But at acting class you get applause. 

Play two entirely different characters, changing faces and expressions as you argue with yourself.

    “Do I have a split personality?  No.  Yes.  No. Sort of.  Not really.  I think I do.  No I don’t.  Okay yes.”  . . . . . . . . 

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"Cut and Style"      new!

Female. Age range: 8-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Rapunzel nervously visits a hairdresser for the first time.   

Longer Version, approximately 2.5 minutes, is also included in this order.   

"Hello?  (actress is wringing hands and looking apprehensive and nervous as she looks around)  My name is Rapunzel and I have an appointment for a cut and style.  It’s my first time and I’m a little nervous.  (look around and see chair)  Sit here?  Okay.  (sits down nervously on edge of seat.) . . . . . . . .   (Actress jumps up in pain clutching hand ) Ow!  Ow!   Are you a witch?  Sorceress?  (put up fists)  Let’s go lady.  I am not afraid of your magic wand.  (pause as if listening) A flat iron?  For my hair.  I see.  (sits back down nervously) . . . . . "   

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"Sisters, Sisters"      new!

Female. Age range: 9-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What can a girl do when she has the world's most perfect sister?  A girl tries to find a way to compete in the School Talent Show that her sister won last year.

2 Longer Versions, approximately 1.5 minutes and approximately 2 minutes, are included in this purchase. 

" I have the world’s most perfect sister. She’s cute, perky, gets straight A’s and is the president of every club and organization in our school. (Exasperated attitude)  Last year she won the School’s annual talent show with a dramatic monologue from Shakespeare. . . . . . So I decided to be completely different from my sister. I did a comedy routine. I told jokes and did my funniest character voices. (Clueless voice) Like wow!  I totally didn’t understand the question. (Twirling hair and looking blank) . . . . . . . . . . ."

 

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"The Horrible, No Good Road Trip"      new!

Male. Age range: 9-14. Total length: Approx 1 ½ minute.

Scarred for life!  A boy describes a horrible family road trip.  

A Longer Version, approx. 3-5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.   

 

" . . . . . Then we had a fender bender. The car was barely bumped but my Mother went full out Banshee, shrieking about her poor suffering babies. I’m 11! She kept shaking me and asking if I needed CPR because Uncle Tony knows how to do it. CPR from Uncle Tony? I think I’m scarred for life. And that was just the first day. There were THIRTEEN MORE DAYS of this. (Pause and say ruefully) Therapy. I’m going to need lots and lots of therapy. . . . . . . "

 
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"Field Trip of Doom"      new!

Male. Age range: 8-12. Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

What could go wrong on a school field trip to the zoo? Everything!    

"  . . . . . And that was the highlight of my day.  (Counting on fingers)  I lost my lunch money, I accidently walked into the girl’s bathroom, and to top it off, Ricky pushed me into the polar bear pool.  I was terrified!  (Terrified expression as you fall to your knees)  I pictured myself being torn limb from limb.  I kept screaming “Help!  Someone help me!” . . . . . "

 

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"Spring Has Sprung"      new!

Female. Age range: 10 and up. Total length: Approx 1.5 minute.

A perky "Spring has Sprung" Mannequin suddenly finds herself with the ability to move.  Naive, wide-eyed and clueless, she tries to understand what is happening.  

" . . . .Am I alive? (Suddenly notice your hands are not webbed together anymore with delight) Oh my goodness!  I have fingers! I never had fingers before. I can do jazz hands! (Do a jazz hand circle and then Look up suddenly) What’s that smell? (sniff air with expression of bliss and then focus on someone) It’s you. Hello. My name is “Spring has Sprung”. What is that in your hand? Is it a new Prada purse? (look confused) A cheeseburger. (blissful smile) I like it. May I smell your hand some more? . . . . ."

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"Vote For Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

When you are running for Class President and you are clearly the only choice.     

A LONGER version, approximately 1.5 - 2 minutes, is included with this purchase.  

Vote For Me

"Greetings Mr. Principal, Faculty, random service workers and of course, my fellow 
students.  My name is Fiona and I am running for Class President and, let’s be honest, I am clearly the obvious choice.  Hello?  Have you seen my opponents?  (Gesture to one side with hand)  Amber Russell whose campaign is “Vote for me and my Daddy will donate a Pony to the School.” (Outraged voice) A pony?  Beyond the obvious bribery factor, do we really want a pony at our school?  How is that going to look on our college applications?  Hello, I’m applying to Harvard and yes, I went to the Pony School. . . . . . ."

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"THE 1950's? "      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Captured by aliens and then dropped off in the 1950's?  THE 1950's?  No cell phones, no internet and WHAT is an apron? 

". . . . .They don’t have cell phones, their TV’s are square boxy things and there is no internet. How do people live with no internet?  I can’t Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat and I haven’t taken a selfie since I got here. I’m so bored and the only thing on television are these weird shows like Bonanza and I love Lucy.  (frustrated)  I’m missing the final episode of The Voice!  I want to know who won. . . .  I want to go home.  I hate the 1950's!   . . . . (begging) . . . . . Please alien dudes take me home.  I’ll clean your spaceship and answer even more boring questions. . . . . "

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"Pet Sitter"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Life is so unfair. Especially when you're stuck pet sitting for 3 rabbits and a couch eating goat when everyone else you know is at the Carnival of the Moon.  It's just not fair!

 

" . . . . . Three rabbits and a goat. Am I at the Carnival of the Moon?  Am I riding a roller coaster and screaming in terror?  No.  I’m pet sitting for (count off with your fingers) three rabbits and one goat. (Frustrated expression) It’s so unfair. (kick foot discontentedly)  I suppose I am technically guilty of borrowing my sister’s new outfit without permission.  And, if we’re going to get really picky, I suppose you could say I ruined it.  But honestly (spread arms in big gesture) who hasn’t fallen into a pig sty while singing (insert a current popular song here). Sadly my parents were not at all understanding.. . . . ." 

 

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"Roller Coaster Fever"      new!

Male. Age range 10-14. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes

Riding a terrifying Roller Coaster or forever being known as the boy who was too scared to ride a Roller Coaster?  

"I love roller coasters (Say a little stronger and more confidently) I love roller coasters. (say very enthusiastically) I love . . . . . . . . . Oh, who am I kidding? I HATE roller coasters. (eyes widen in fear) That long slow climb to the first drop. (big gulp) That moment when you are poised at the top of the first drop that seems to last forever. (cringe) And then the falling and whipping around and the more falling.  I HATE ROLLER COASTERS. (look nervously out into the audience) And today I have to ride a roller coaster. Or forever be known as the weenie boy who was too scared to ride a roller coaster.. . . . "

 

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"Duties of a Bat Boy"      new!

Male. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1 and ½ minutes.

A boy's first day as a Bat Boy goes hilariously, disastrously wrong.

*Team in monologue is the Red Sox but permission is given to change the name of the baseball team and the name of the player mentioned. 

 

". . . . . . I had memorized all the duties of a bat boy and I couldn’t wait to get started. . . . . .Duty # 3: Play catch with the outfielders. I was determined (clench one fist for emphasis as you say determined) to do this one right. I was on fire, throwing the ball as hard as I could to Jacoby Ellison. (Pound fist into hand like a ball hitting a glove) I had one more toss before the game started, so I really ripped the ball at him. And (speak in horrified voice) I think I broke his hand. Me, the Bat Boy, broke Ellison’s hand. (Sink to knees) No, no, no. (Pounds ground with each no in despair) . . . . ."

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"Longfellow Lane Adventures"      new!

Male or female. Age range: 10-14. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Life on Longfellow Lane is never boring.  Weird, traumatizing, but never, ever boring.  

 

" . . . . . .I think I’ve been scarred for life. My neighbor, Mrs. Madison, was standing in front of her living room window dancing to Disco Inferno. My eyes! I think there should be an age limit on shimmying.  But that’s life on Longfellow Road. (Shrug) Everyone here is unusual . . . . . . "

 

 

 

 

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"Ballet To Do List"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Note to self:  Work on plies.  Note to self:  Also work on arabesques.  Note to self:  Give up on pirouettes.  A girl find that taking Ballet class is nothing she expected as her Ballet To Do List gets longer and longer.    

*No dance ability is required to perform this monologue other than knowledge of basic ballet terms. 

" . . . . Note to self: Work on plieʹs. Moving on. Next - arabesque.  Gracefully balancing on one leg while you lift the other leg.  Hmmm. (look at legs) I wonder which leg I should balance on. (try to balance on left leg and wobble, flailing about as you try to get your balance) Clearly not that one. I guess I’m a right leg arabesquer. Now I’ve got it.  (try to balance on right leg and fall back on bottom again, same position when fell from plieʹ .  Pull out journal & pretend to write as you say) Note to self. Also work on arabesques. . . )

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"The Climate Change Conundrum"      new!

Male or Female. Age range 10 - 16. Total Length: Approx. 1 minute.

Climate change - real or myth?  In this hilarious monologue a student gives some youtube scientists advice on how to improve their boring arguments. 

" . . . .Climate Change.  Does it exist?  To answer this very important question, I turned to the internet. Turns out scientists have no clue about Climate Change. I watched 5 vids of scientists arguing. (roll eyes) So boring.  “Temperature change, blah, blah, blah.”  “95% probability blah, blah, blah.”  (Sarcastic) Why would anyone want to watch this?  It should be: (Fling yourself to stage, as if you are suffering from the heat, very dramatically put hand on forehead when you say Climate change) “It’s hot.  Very, very hot because of CLIMATE CHANGE.” . . . . "

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"Prep Time"      new!

Male. Age range 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A boy prepares for his first Teen Party.  

A Longer version, approximately 2.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . . Okay, I can do this.  I’ll just be myself and talk. (Clear throat, overly perky)  “Hi Sarah.  Happy Birthday. Congratulations on getting older.  And uh . . . . your hair looks great.  Much better than when you were 12.”  (Groan) That sounded terrible.  Maybe I should use an accent. Girls LOVE accents and I don’t think I’ve actually talked to Sarah since 1st grade so chances are she won’t even recognize me. I could be a charming new foreign student. . . . . . . . (Italian accent with huge sweeping hand gestures) “Ma belle Sarah. You looka da great.  Your hair is lika da beautiful bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.” (Widen eyes in horror afterwards) Spaghetti and meatballs? What am I saying? . . . . . ."

 
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"Chasing the Moon"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Life isn't easy for a girl who somehow finds herself at Etiquette Camp instead of her longed for Space Camp.  How did this happen?  And why does it matter where the water goblet is placed?

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also available with this purchase.   

"Dear Mother and Father.  Thank you for your lovely letter yesterday.  It was very kind of you to think of me and share your thoughts.  I would like to share my thoughts also. (drop sweet tone of voice and say very loudly and desperately) GET ME OUT OF HERE!  (Folds paper and put in pocket)   This is a nightmare.  My parents sent me to Etiquette Camp. Now I’m learning fun facts like (very prissily)  “The water goblet should be placed at the 1:00 position on the table setting.” (Desperately enunciate each word) I am losing my mind. . . . . . "

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"Halt!"      new!

Male. Age range: 10 - 16. Total length: Approx. 1 minute

A hilarious monologue about a bumbling police officer in pursuit of a Stormtrooper grabbing "criminal".  Written from a British perspective and requires an English accent. 

A Longer version, approximately 2-3 minutes, is also included with this purchase.   

"Halt!  I say, halt!  (Actor trips and sprawls on ground.  Lifts head up and looks around indignantly)Why is there a litter bin in the middle of the sidewalk? I am in pursuit of a dangerous criminal and this is clearly a violation of council policies. (get up and brush uniform off, straightening things officiously) Where are you? I know you’re lurking out there.  Probably quivering in fear that you are being chased by me. (make a big gesture that should be scaring but overbalance and almost fall.  Then clear throat as you straighten uniform again) And you should be quivering because I will find you. (raise voice) Do you hear me?  I will not stop till I find you. I will track you through the dark and dangerous alleys until I find you. No one commits a crime in front of me.  And the evidence will show that I had MY hand on that last Stormtrooper when you ripped it away and fled the premises.. . . . . "  

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"Facebooking & Instagramming"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Catching up on Social Media is very important.  Especially when your latest Instagram post only has 4 likes.  Only 4 likes?  This is terrible!

"  . . . . . . And updated. Let’s see how everyone likes that. (listen) Mom, I am Facebooking and Instagramming. This is very important for my social status. I can’t help it they didn’t have Social Media in the dark ages when you were a kid. (look back at phone) 25 comments asking what’s wrong? (sigh happily & smile as you clutch phone to chest) My friends do care about me. . . . . . "

 
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"Hello Twitter"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A girl gets her first twitter account but it's not turning out like she expected. Why aren't celebrities tweeting her? 

" . . . . . At least now I can start following people. Follow. Follow. Definitely follow. Oh, I have a follower. (Look proud) My first follower. BigGums? Weird name. They tweeted me. (Look confused as you read)   No, I don’t want to buy anything.  Maybe I should tweet something. (type) Hello twitter. What else should I say?  Uh . . . . (look up in air) uh . . . . .(bite lip) This is like doing homework. I thought twitter was supposed to be fun. (Look at phone) Great.  Another tweet from BigGums. . . . . . . "   

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"Package Delivery"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Delivering a UPS package?  No problem.  Delivering a UPS package to a huge mansion?  No problem.  Acting out the delivery with hilarious accents and getting caught at it?  Big problem!

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this order. 

 

" . . . . I bet the people who live here don’t have these kinds of problems.  Probably the home of some hotshot Wall Street trader or someone like that. . . . (English accent) Good morning Jeeves.  Would you mind fetching me a spot of tea? And the Grey Poupon? (Igor accent) Yes, Master, whatever you say master. (English accent) Ta ever so.  Oh and I feel the urge to go boating this morning.  Buy me a new yacht.  A purple one this time. . . . . " 

   

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"I Quit!"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

After her siblings ruin her birthday party, the oldest daughter informs her parents that she is quitting the family.

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.   

" . . . . . . But (shake head sadly), I’m sorry,  I can’t be the oldest anymore.  I’m going to have to quit. . . . . . . Look around you.  (Gaze around hopelessly with arms spread wide)  This is the remains of my party.  . . . . .  Your youngest child spent the entire night singing (talk/sing as you fling one arm out to one side and then the other side saying) “Let it go, Let it go.”  Just those 3 words.  Nothing else.  The twins ate all the pizza and then Jack threw up on Sophia’s hair. (shudder & look disgusted)  . . . . . . 

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"All that Glitters"      new!

Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A girl who prides herself on being a complete tomboy is suddenly stricken with a longing for glittery shoes.  What is wrong with her?  Doctor, you have to help!  

" . . . . Normally, I’m a tomboy. (stand sort of cocky, legs a little apart with a tough attitude) I like my jeans, playing sports, and the only time I ever wear a dress is Christmas. . . . .  . . . . Doctor, what is wrong with me? Am I suffering from Glitteritis?  Glittermania?  You have to cure me.  (look a little crazed)  Because all I want to do is go shopping and buy ALL THE GLITTER. Save me Doctor Simons.  You’re my only hope."

 

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"Presenting Laci"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 10-16. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A malfunctioning robot tries to give a sales presentation. This monologue includes a great deal of funny physical movement as the robot malfunctions.

*Monologue was written for a female but can be easily changed to male by changing the name of the robot to Lari. 

" . . .  Lacis are the companion you have always longed for. Sophisticated, (body begins shaking all over as actress attempts to stop it by grabbing an arm or holding her head, etc as she keeps talking calming) superior, and the answer to your every whim or need.  Never too busy to chat, go out to eat or simply spend time together.  (Twitching and movements finally stops though actress is standing in a slumped, weird twisting position )   However, if you desire a . . . . . . desire a . . . . (stand blinking for a moment and then says) Abort.  Abort. . . . . (Returns to vacant smile as she manually places herself back in perfect position) Lacis truly are the perfect companion."

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"Hashtag #UkeleleGal"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Hawaii.  One of the most beautiful places in the world.  So why can't she focus on anything but that ukelele in the window and becoming the world's greatest ukelele player? 

*Ukelele is recommended but can be performed without.  No skill in playing needed.

" . . . . I can see it all now. I’ll film a video of me playing and post it on Youtube. It will go viral (voice rising in excitement) and everyone will post about it. On Facebook, on Instagram, on Snapchat. Then I’ll start trending on twitter. Hashtag #UkeleleGal.. . . . . Of course I have to actually learn how to play the ukelele first.  . . . . What if I’m terrible on Youtube? And #UkeGalsucks starts trending on twitter?  . . . . . " 

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"BFF"      new!

Female. Age range 10-16. Total length: Approx 1.5-2 minutes.

Being a BFF (Best Friend Forever) means sometimes you're standing in a line waiting to sing in front of everyone.  Even though you know it's going to be a complete and total disaster. 

" . . . .  What if I stand up there and open my mouth and nothing comes out?   And I’m just standing there like this (eyes frightened, mouth open in terror). And then everyone in school starts laughing at me and my life is ruined forever. . . . . . . . "

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"The Great and Powerful Lion of Oz"      new!

Male or Female, Age range 10-16. Total Length: Approx. 1.5-2 minutes.

The former Cowardly Lion of Oz gives a hilarious lecture on how to be brave.  Hint:  Beware of the Squirrels!

Longer version, approximate 2.5-3 minutes, is also included with this purchase.  

" . . . . .Here at the Bravery Academy, we touch you how to be brave.. . . . .  Exception Number 2. Dust Bunnies. (Point at audience) Stop laughing! Dust bunnies are everywhere.  They lurk under your bed. There you are innocently reaching down to pick something up and you feel one.  What am I touching? Is it a monster? WHAT IS UNDER MY BED?. . . . ."

 

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"Team Ballet versus Team Hip Hop"      new!

Female. Age range: 12 and up. Total length: Approx 2-3 minutes.

When your divorced parents never stop fighting. When your Mom is Team Hip Hop and wants you to be the next Beyonce and your Dad is Team Ballet and wants you to be the next Prima Ballerina. 

*This monologue requires no dance ability to perform.  

" . . . . . . I wrote about doing a food drive.  My Mom told me it was too boring and then sent me a video demonstration of how I should do it. (Talk in rap sing/song voice and use lots of big gestures) You got no food, you got no home, You got no hope, you’re all alone. . . . . .Then my Dad saw the video my Mom sent and made his own video.  It was a ballet dance about homelessness.  At least I think it was a dance. He was rolling on the ground a lot.  . . . . . ."

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"Popular"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

A self-absorbed diva prepares to enter high school.  

"Elementary school?  That was easy.  From the minute I stepped into first grade, I owned that school . . . . . . Now I have to break in a whole new set of teachers and probably some new friends  . . . . . . . .  It’s all so exhausting.  Maybe I’ll make a list of my qualifications for Besties: Stylish - that’s a given. Smart -  in case I need someone to do my homework. Supportive -  because someone has to stand behind me when I’m head cheerleader. . . . . . . . "   

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"The Babysitter Code"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A cute, funny monologue written for an actress auditioning for the role of Emily (the mother) in "Elf". Demonstrating grace under extreme babysitting pressure, this monologue allows an actress to demonstrate several different emotional levels.  (PS The actress got the part!)

"Thank you for awarding me the Babysitter of the Year award. I love babysitting Toby and Tessa. As for our big adventure, we were on our way to the dentist when the elevator just stopped. (look concerned) I tried pushing buttons, I tried phoning; nothing worked. (concern deepens) We were trapped. Tessa burst into tears, crying that a witch will eat us.  Toby started screaming that he didn’t want to be eaten.  It was chaos! . . . . . "

 

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"Mirror, Mirror"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 1 and 1/2 minutes.

"Mirror, Mirror in my hand.  What is IT about football?  I don't understand?"  Trying to fit in and display the proper "team" spirit at school can be difficult when you are completely clueless about football. 

"Mirror, mirror on the wall  (pause and then look at hand), well in my hand, anyway, Mirror, mirror in my hand. (bring both hands to mirror)   What is IT about football? (frustrated voice as you shake mirror a little) I don’t understand!  (Put mirror down with big sigh)   Today is the Pep Rally.  I have on my Team colors and I’m ready to paste on my perky smile (big fake smile) and yell Go Team!  It’s either that or be shunned by the rest of the class since everyone in this school does nothing all day but (clench teeth) talk about football.. . . . "

 

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"Perfecting the Pout"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A girl discovers that a pout can be magically helpful when you want something.  But when you push a few buttons and accidently crash your Dad's brand new car, your pout has to be perfect.  

"I’ve been working very hard on perfecting my pout.  A perfect pout is not easy even with years of experience.  My first pout happened accidently.  I was six years old and I wanted a pony. (dreamy eyes) My own Little Pony.  But my parents kept saying no.  I was so frustrated and then it just happened.  My first pout. (open eyes very wide like a child and give a big exaggerated pout) The next day Mom and Dad bought me a pony.  Pouts were magical!  From that day on, I pouted. . . . . . "

 

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"Touching Normal"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 1 minute.

Normal.  "Conforming to a standard, usual, or expected". That's what her Mom wants but in this funny, sweet monologue, a girl tries to explain how she doesn't want to be usual or expected.  

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

" . . . . . . after dinner I watched a documentary on rocks. That was when my Mother had her meltdown.  (Start losing it in Mom voice)  “You’re watching a tv show about rocks? You’re missing Cassie’s birthday party.  They went to the movies to see the new Channing Tatum movie.  And you’re watching a tv show about rocks?  ROCKS?” . . . . . . (Deadpan delivery)  I don’t think my Mother likes rocks.  . . . . . I love my Mom but I want to live in a world where I have no idea what I’m doing next.  I don’t want to be usual or expected. (passionately) I say Death to Normalcy! But (draw the word but out) . . . .  I probably shouldn’t tell my Mom that.  . . . . . "

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"Senorita Populares"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 2 minutes.

A popular diva has to become popular all over again when her parents enroll her in a bilingual school.

A Shorter Version, approximately 1 minute, is also included in this order.

*This monologue incorporates both English and basic Spanish.

" . . . . . (Gesture at self proudly)  At my old school I was Miss Popular  . . . . . I have a list of requirements for everyone I ask to be in my entourage.. . . . .The most important of course is they MUST be stylish.  Hello person in sparkle jeans. Donde compras? American Eagle? Hollister?  Delias?  I love Delias.  (Look shocked)  Excuse me but has dicho Justice?  What are you 8? (Wave hand dismissively)  No, I’m sorry, just move along. . . . . . ."

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"Tweet Me"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

What happens when a girl obsessed with twitter loses her tweeting privileges? It's a full scale disaster. Hip, funny and full of pop culture references.

 

" . . . . It’s not fair! How can my Mother do this to me? It’s cruel and unusual punishment. (Pause and nod significantly) And probably against the child care laws. What was she thinking? My Mother actually grounded me from the internet. . . . . . "My Mother says no one reads my tweets anyway.  Hello?  I have followers. Lots and lots of followers.  I saw the Avengers for the third time and I tweeted that “If the Avengers were really in charge, the world would be a better place.  AND CHRIS EVANS RETWEETED ME.  That’s right, Chris Evans, Captain America retweeted my tweet! . . . . . . " 

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"Kids For Sale"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Babysitting your little brother and little sister can't be that hard can it?  Famous last words.  

A Longer Version, approximately 2 minutes, an Even Longer Version, approximately 3-4 minutes, are also included in this order.

 

"Does anyone know how to spell incorrigible? Two R’s or one? Hmm. (Looks exasperated and then scribbles it out. Holds up paper as he recites) Let’s see, 2 children, ages 6 & 8, one male, one female, slightly disheveled but healthy, offered to highest bidder on ebay. Contact Iamlosingmymind@gmail.com. Don’t look at me like that. You don’t know what I’ve been through. . . . . . . . "

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"Survey Says"      new!

Female. Age range 12-16. Total Length: Approx 2-3 minutes

A girl sits in a waiting room filling out a survey for Cosmo Teen.  What else can you do when your parents have taken away your cell phone?

A Shorter Version, approximately 1 minute, is also included in this purchase.   

" . . . . Who writes these things?  None of the above. Again. One more question. If a boy asked you out but you’re just that not into him, you would: (again say each option in the British, Diva, dude and homeless voice)

    A.    Decline nicely making sure he knows you are out of his league.
    B.    Say “as if” and walk away.
    C.    Tell him Dude, it’s just not happening and punch his shoulder.
    D.    Become flustered and walk away unable to even reply.

(angrily stating) AGAIN.  NONE OF THE ABOVE.  And the survey says, (flip a page in the magazine and read) congratulations you have no personality at all.  Work on developing one.  Are you kidding me?  Just so you know Cosmo Teen, I have a wonderful personality. . . . "

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"Shall We Dance?"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

A girl dreams of becoming a Ballroom dancer and waltzing around the room like Deborah Kerr in "The King and I". Then she takes her first Ballroom Dance Class. 

 

" . . . . I pictured myself (dreamy voice) swooping around the room in a beautiful waltz. . . . . . My first partner was Mr. Gelnecki. He must have been at least 75 years old with false teeth and this horrible musty smell. (crinkle nose)  We were supposed to be dancing the tango (strike tango pose) but as he bent me backwards his teeth fell out on my chest.  Ew!  I may never tango again!   . . . . . "

 

 

 
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"Smitten Kitten"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

One minute you're happy and carefree and the next minute you're a Smitten Kitten. How did this happen?

 

"I am so confused.  One minute I’m walking down the hallway happy and carefree, and the next minute I see him. And it’s like (pause as if searching for the right word) time stops. It’s Rob Myers.  He’s a total geek but last night at the library (voice should become soft and dreamy) we talked. (dreamy gaze before shaking head and looking determined) But I have to get a grip. No one would ever understand my attraction to him so I have to rip this whole “lost in his eyes” nonsense out right now. . . . . . "

 

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"Melisande: The ONLY Singing Siren"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

What happens when a Siren, a mythical being who has the power to lure humans with the sound of her voice, finds out about Reality Singing Competitions?

A Shorter Version, approx. 1 minute, is also included in this purchase.

 

" . . . . . . . .Amazing what (pronoun it HEW MONS) humans have done. Especially (speak television as if unsure how to say it)  tel - e - vi - sion.  But as I was watching something called The Voice, I saw humans trying to be Sirens! (Shocked) How dare they? I am the only Siren! This has to be stopped! . . . . . "
    


 

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"The Secret Life of a Teenage Spy"      new!

Male. Age range: 12-16. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

The glamorous life of a teenage spy? Hah!  If only.  

A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.  

 

". . . . .I’m a spy. A teenage spy.  My parents were spies, my grandparents were spies, it’s a family spying tradition.  So while most kids spend their weekends playing soccer or going to a movie, I spend mine jetting all over the world collecting information.  Believe me it’s not as exciting as it sounds. . . .  And spies are not much fun to hang out with. Everyone is so paranoid!  No one ever chats.  It’s always “Was that a shadow?”  “Did you poison my drink?”  “You didn’t answer me right away.  You’re lying!”  It gets old. (Roll eyes) . . . . . . "

 

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"Pretty But Not Dumb"      new!

Female. Age range: 12-18. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

The new Pumpkin Princess must decline the honor and sets the nominating board straight in a funny, no holds barred monologue that shows Pretty does not mean Dumb. 

"Dear Members of the Pumpkin Patch Pageant, thank
you for choosing me to be your Pumpkin Princess. However, I must decline this honor.  I’m sorry Mama, I know you have already printed Christmas Cards with me and my tiara on it. But Mama, I just can’t do it.  . . . . . . . This morning I got an email to come and pose for pictures.  I called Miss Gibson to tell her I couldn’t come because I had to study and she said “ You’re pretty.  You don’t have to study.” Excuse me?  I may be pretty but I do not plan to rely on my looks to succeed in life. . . . . . " 

 

 

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"Reciting Shakespeare"      new!

Male. Age range: 12-18. Total length: Approx 1.5 - 2 minutes.

A student is assigned an essay on Shakespeare.  Discovering Shakespearean insults as he trys to interpret Romeo and Juliet gives him a new found respect for the Bard.  

A Longer Version, approximately 2.5 - 3 minutes, is included with this purchase featuring Robert Downey, Jr's appearance as Iron Man to Hamlet!

 " . . . . . . .To help us get started Teach had us read Romeo and Juliet.  It was worse then when my little sister made me watch The Vampire Diaries and that was beyond horrible. (Strike a dramatic pose as recite) 

“Deny thy Father and refuse thy name or if not be but sworn my love and I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”
 
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  From what I know about the play Juliet is all (say in girly voice when doing Juliet, deep masculine voice while doing Romeo)
 
Juliet: I love you.
Romeo: I love you too.
Juliet: My parents are freaking out.  I’m gonna kill myself.
Romeo: Juliet is dead?  I’m killing myself too.
 
People.  Make an emo post about your “complicated” relationship on Facebook and then GET OVER IT!!!! . . . . . . "
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"Dating is Hard"      new!

Male. Age Range: 13 and up. Total Length: Approx 3 minutes.

A boy tries to ask a girl out.  It goes hilariously, disastrously wrong.  

" . . . . . But my first attempt was a disaster. I walked up to her and opened my mouth to say “Hey Amy.  Want to catch a movie?” But nothing came out. Nothing! I just stood there with my mouth open, frozen in place. (stand there with eyes wide open in panic, mouth open, frozen in place) What a disaster! . . . . On my third attempt I finally said words. (sound triumphant) Words you could hear. Words you could understand. I walked right up to her, gave her a saucy wink (smile and wink) and said “Hey Amy! What about those Cowboys?” (Eyes widen in panic) Cowboys? COWBOYS? I don’t even like football. . . . . . " 

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"Fan Favorite"      new!

Male. Age Range: 13-18. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

A teenage boy, whose father is a "Fan Favorite" tv star, is horrified to discover pictures his Dad posted of him on the internet when he was a baby.  

" . . . . . . Where was that place we went with the crazy monkey?  I’ll just google. (type on ipad and then eyes widen in shock)  Is this a naked baby picture of me? On the internet?  Girls are going to see this. (Looks more getting more upset)  He drew a mustache on me? WHY AM I HOLDING A BRA? . . . . . .may I be excused?  I need to go home and change my name."  

"

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"Me, My Mum and My English Teacher"      new!

Male or Female. Age range: 14-18 . Total length: Approx. 1 minute.

A hilarious, sitcom type monologue as a teenager discovers that his/her Mom is dating his/her English teacher.  

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. 

*This monologue has a PG-13 rating.  It contains no bad language but it does imply that the English teacher spent the night and the monologue is the teen freaking out over this.  

". . . . . .  So my Mum is dating my English teacher.  Mr. Spencer's a cool dude. . . . I can be mature about this.  After all, it's not easy being a single Mum and dating is probably good for her.. . . . . . Wait.  Is that Mr. Spencer's jacket?  And his keys?  He spent the night?   . . . . . . . It's okay, I'm totally okay with all this.  It's healthy and normal and (break down yelling) I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS.  . . . . "

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"Does Anyone Have a Script?"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx. 1.5 minutes.

Hilarious monologue as the understudy/costume girl finds herself suddenly asked to take over a role.  

"Okie Dokie. I’ll get everything picked up in a jiffy. (drop smile and then give an embarrassed groan) Okie Dokie? Did I really just say okie dokie to one of the greatest stars in American theater? Note to self: Try to speak like a normal person and not an idiot in front of stage stars . . . . . "

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"Teenage Zombie"      new!

Male. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Brains! Brains! Must have brains! A teenage boy is turned into a zombie.  It's not too bad. Except for that whole eating brains thing.  

 

" . . . . . I decided to go home and took the short cut through the cemetery like I always do and then I saw Mrs. Murphy. She was just lying on the ground covered in dirt. And being the nice person I am, I went over to try and help her up.  Did I get thanked? Did I get rewarded for being a nice person? Noooooooooo.  I got bitten.  By Mrs. Murphy! Who is now apparently a zombie. Which means I’m a zombie.  A teenage zombie! . . . . . " 

 

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"How To Break Up"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Hysterically funny monologue as a teen demonstrates the proper way to break up with someone after she is dumped.

A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included with this purchase. An Alternative version is also included.  

" . . . . . If Jack was going to break up with Rose, he would say:  Rose, I think we should break up.  You’re spoiled and kind of selfish because there is PLENTY of room on that door and if you just scootched over a little, I could fit too but instead I’m probably going to freeze to death and drown so before I die I just wanted to say I’m breaking up with you.” . . . . . . . . . . "

 

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"Cain't Say No"      new!

Female. Age range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

Ado Annie, from the musical "Oklahoma" explains why kissing jist might be her favorite food.  

*This monologue requires a Southern accent.

 

" . . . . . . .Last night Slim asked iffen he could kiss me. My Paw told me I ain’t old enough to be a kissing boys. That if a feller tried to kiss me I should jist spit in his eye. But Slim was talking all perty saying my lips were like cherries and that I was sweeter than cream and he had to have cream or die. And my stomach was gitting all fluttery again so I let him kiss me. It was plum wonderful. (dreamy gaze)  Course afterwards I had to punch him and run home, but I’m thinkin I might like kissing. . . . . . . . "

 

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"The Road Test"      new!

Male. Age Range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1 minute.

How can one simple little driving road test go so disastrously wrong? 

A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase.

 

" . . . . .I had my new driver’s license in my wallet, my Mom was in the passenger seat and I was ready for my first road test.  I expected my Mom to be a little nervous. Probably nag me about the speed limit, thing like that. That’s not what happened.  (Change voice to higher pitch to sound like the Mom with big terrified eyes)  “You’re in the ditch. Get over! Stay in the middle of the road. Stop! That was a mailbox. You just hit a mailbox. Why are you looking at me? Eyes!  Eyes on the road. Look out!  There’s a cow! (Voice rising louder & louder) Brake!  Brake! Brake!”

 

    

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"Lucky Penny, Supernatural Private Eye"      new!

Male. Age Range: 14-18. Total length: Approx 1.5 minutes.

Lucky Penny, Supernatural Private Eye keeps the streets of Washington, DC safe from vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls.  Noir monologue done with Humphey Bogart attitude and humor. 

 

" . . . . .Most people don’t even believe in the Supernatural. Oh sure they watch the movies and read the books. But they go to sleep thinking the world is a safe and happy place. Until they find themselves staring into the eyes of a hungry werewolf. That happened to me. I rescued the dame but the werewolf was about to turn me into a pile of Kibbles and Bits when another werewolf loped into the room. And if there’s one thing a werewolf can’t stand, it’s another werewolf trying to steal his dinner. So I escaped while they were growling at each other. The next day my silver bullet and I took care of the town’s little werewolf problem. One less tortured soul howling at the moon. Thanks to Lucky Penny, Supernatural Private Eye. . . . . ." 

 

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"#WorsePromposalEver"      new!

Male. Age Range: 15 and up. Total length: Approx 2 minutes.

When your promposal goes viral with the hashtag #Worsepromposalever, the best plan is probably to stay in your room the rest of your life.  Hilarious monologue depicting a disastrous promposal.  

"I’m a guy who likes to have a plan. I like to make lists. This morning I woke up and made my list for the day. (take list out of pocket)  Try to convince parents to move to another state.   Ask parents to start homeschooling me.  Never leave the house again. Doable. Maybe. It might take awhile to get some of these crossed off, but it’s doable (put list back in pocket) because I can never show my face in this town again. Last night my Promposal went viral. . . . . . "     

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